Well, we had a misunderstanding, is there a way to come back from this?

[Barry22]

Hey all, back again.

 

So run down of my last post: I said that I'm looking to get back with my ex that I had a fair breakup with, but I never took the step to try to get back with her even though we've both said that it is something that we're not against.

 

So, skip to about a week ago she felt down, I said I'd give her a hug if I was there, then she told me that she thought of "us" earlier on that day then further said that she felt bad about how she has treated me since the breakup. (I asked her if we can meet up some 7 months after we broke up but she got insecure, then at the start of this year she said that we do 'need' to meet up, but again got insecure about it and never so much gave a straight answer if I asked)

 

After a bit of talking, she said that she's just scared to meet up as she knows she'll end up falling for me again, she just doesn't want to get hurt like last time.

 

Some three days later she said she missed this guy I'll call Brandon, an ex of hers, which just had red flags in my head so I went cold. The next day I decided to just go out with this girl that has been dwindling around for a while, I was never really interested in her, but I wanted to take my mind off things, word got back to my ex, but the next day I found out the new girl I went with was just looking for someone to cheat with on the side of her current boyfriend so I abandoned that ship.

 

Now about 5 days later we had a talk as she was a bit confused as to why I was acting a little different, and then I found out she only wanted Brandon back as a friend and he already has a girlfriend, I felt so stupid after that. Then, she said that she got hurt when she found out that I was dating someone else after her telling me she still thought of us, going as far as telling a friend she's rather protective over me.

 

So, how should I now proceed in my plan in getting back with her? Is there anything I should do say as of now?

Edited March 5, 2015 by Barry22

[Ruby65]

Ask her if she wants to get back together.

[idoltree]

If reconciliation is going to work, you need to increase trust and you definitely need to increase communication.

 

For example, she says "I miss Brandon."

You say, "What do you mean by that?"

She'd say, "I miss him as a friend."

 

Do you see how that could have been much different than you making assumptions and reacting to those assumptions?

 

On the other hand, if she's going to make a statement about missing a guy, she needs to know to clarify that with you. She chose not to do that, so this is not entirely your fault. It's common sense that if you start talking about another guy to a guy who has feelings for you, you explain it.

 

Make a commitment to stop reacting and make sure you understand something thoroughly before you make decisions based on new information. Decisions that you can't take back.

 

Tell her your reasons for going out with that girl. Admit that you did it to try to distance yourself because she made the statement about Brandon, and you should have asked for more information. And that if this is going to work, both of you need to let go of resentments, start with a clean slate, and make a commitment to talk to one another with complete openness. If you or she won't do this, then there is no point to trying to work things out.

[Barry22]

If reconciliation is going to work, you need to increase trust and you definitely need to increase communication.

 

For example, she says "I miss Brandon."

You say, "What do you mean by that?"

She'd say, "I miss him as a friend."

 

Do you see how that could have been much different than you making assumptions and reacting to those assumptions?

 

On the other hand, if she's going to make a statement about missing a guy, she needs to know to clarify that with you. She chose not to do that, so this is not entirely your fault. It's common sense that if you start talking about another guy to a guy who has feelings for you, you explain it.

 

Make a commitment to stop reacting and make sure you understand something thoroughly before you make decisions based on new information. Decisions that you can't take back.

 

Tell her your reasons for going out with that girl. Admit that you did it to try to distance yourself because she made the statement about Brandon, and you should have asked for more information. And that if this is going to work, both of you need to let go of resentments, start with a clean slate, and make a commitment to talk to one another with complete openness. If you or she won't do this, then there is no point to trying to work things out.

 

Honestly, I wholesomely agree to what you said.

 

I guess I just started to expect negative outcomes from her usually a lot more than what I used to, sometime after we broke up I did try to get her back, things weren't really bad and at most we still talked on a a friend level, I was involved in this situation where she didn't know weather to go out with this player she's been friends with for ages or me, I wasn't chosen in the end and he cheated on her, but that was about more than a year ago now and she's moved past it.

 

We had the serious talk last night and I did say my reasons, I admitted I did just go for it because of what she said about her and Brandon, she did say that she should of made it clearer, I feel that we did get a lot of closure over what we said.

 

Well, I think the interest is floating, but she's not going to stick by her feeling at the moment yet anyway, I know if I asked her if she wanted to grab a coffee sometime next week she'll probably get insecure about that, but I am steadily building communication back up before I can make a move. If anything, it shouldn't take overly long seeing how things are now, I may be able to make a move and tell her before Monday.

 

I'll keep everything in mind, and try not to go overboard or make assumptions again, thinking about the Brandon situation I acted more out of "What's the point" then thought, I'll try to start improving communication so something like this doesn't come up again anyway, things were going pretty good up to that point.

 

Again, many thanks buddy.