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When a person with GIGS contacts you, should you respond?

SoulflowerChloe

By SoulflowerChloe
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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SoulflowerChloe Member

SoulflowerChloe

Posted
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Recently me and my ex split up because he didn't want a relationship, he wants to be "free to party, have fun, and mess with other girls". I know that every break up is not due GIGS, but I am certain that mine is for other reasons that I don't want to go into.

 

 

Yesterday we spoke for clarification on everything. after we were done, he texted me, In his words :

 

 

" I do care about you (name) and you a female so its hard for you to understand what I mean when I say I love you but I just cant be with you right now. I keep saying we on different pages cause we are. I wish you was more open to that but you not and that's cool. I know you going move on but if its meant to be maybe it'll come back when I'm mentally mature for a relationship. That's all I'm saying (name), I'm not going keep doing this to you. I know you care about me and I'm sorry I got you like this, I'm sorry"

 

 

I didn't respond due to the extreme hurt that I'm going through. This morning he texted me good morning, but I'm not going to respond. My question to you all is, when you suspect that someone suffering from grass is greener type issues, should you completely cut contact?

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

Posted
Posted
Recently me and my ex split up because he didn't want a relationship, he wants to be "free to party, have fun, and mess with other girls". I know that every break up is not due GIGS, but I am certain that mine is for other reasons that I don't want to go into.

 

 

Yesterday we spoke for clarification on everything. after we were done, he texted me, In his words :

 

 

" I do care about you (name) and you a female so its hard for you to understand what I mean when I say I love you but I just cant be with you right now. I keep saying we on different pages cause we are. I wish you was more open to that but you not and that's cool. I know you going move on but if its meant to be maybe it'll come back when I'm mentally mature for a relationship. That's all I'm saying (name), I'm not going keep doing this to you. I know you care about me and I'm sorry I got you like this, I'm sorry"

 

 

I didn't respond due to the extreme hurt that I'm going through. This morning he texted me good morning, but I'm not going to respond. My question to you all is, when you suspect that someone suffering from grass is greener type issues, should you completely cut contact?

Only if it hurts you to watch.

  • Like 1
Stercrazy Established Member

Stercrazy

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Posted

Sounds like he's apologizing yet still wants to keep you in the background in case his "freedom" ends up empty....which it will. He's telling you he is immature and I would believe him. You deserve better.

  • Like 2
Ruby65 Established Member

Ruby65

Posted
Posted

The punchline is..... he sends you this soul-crushing breakup text, then texts you the next day with "good morning"! Is he kidding -- ?

 

Long story short: he's not into you.

 

The sooner you can accept that, the better it is for you.

 

He might be at a point where he can't be into ANYONE, maybe he's just young, maybe it's GIGS, who knows? But he's not offering you a relationship.

 

What he's offering you is to be his Plan B option, *maybe someday*, if it doesn't work out with anyone else and if he ever decides a relationship with you is what he wants after all.

 

No, cut him off, sweetie. For YOU, so you can heal from this. You deserve so much better.

 

I was a GIGS dumper years ago and no, I didn't try and keep my then-boyfriend as a backup plan because I cared about him too much to use him that way.

 

Your guy -- aside from having really atrocious grammar, seriously -- is trying to use you as a backup and you deserve MORE.

 

"Good morning?" Nope. Not anymore. Block him off your phone, block him off your Facebook and every site and app you use. If you use a site or app that doesn't let you block people, then disable it for now. I've gone so far as to get a new cell number to get over someone.

 

But he shouldn't be allowed to send you breadcrumb texts anytime he feels like it. Let him see what it's like not having you in his life. And let YOU get the space and time you need to heal.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

Best of luck to you!

  • Like 2
Auspecial Established Member

Auspecial

Posted
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It is very difficult for men to give up a sx partner, even if they know its not going to work out for a serious relationship. He is hedging his bets, doing his part to keep options open with you while he has freedom to be with anyone else he wants. I credit him for his polite, caring demeanor, but underneath the caring words, he is saying the same thing: "I will not be exclusive with you."

 

 

If you listen, people will tell you who they are, and he has point-blank said that he is not mentally mature.

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SoulflowerChloe Member

SoulflowerChloe

Posted
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Thank you everyone for your feedback. You are right, I do deserve better, and I feel confident this time around about our split. I win in the end, I didn't lose anything. It can only get better. My last question though is:

 

 

Why would he send me a good morning text after everything that went down the night before?

 

 

I understand that no one can read his mind, but I just want to know.

Ruby65 Established Member

Ruby65

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He's playing you. This is him staying in contact, so if he ever changes his mind he's got you still in his life as a Plan B option.

  • Like 1
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
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Yes! He made his choice and, unfortunately, it wasn't you. He made the choice to have you out of his life. So, you give him exactly that! He doesn't deserve a response from you and nor should he expect it. He gave up that right!

 

 

Now, it time for you to be selfish and worry about the only person that matters right now and that's YOU!

 

 

It's time to get your revenge! And the best revenge you can get is to lead a DAMN good and adventurous life!

 

 

Start making positive changes in your life. Go get a new hairstyle and buy a new wardrobe. You want people saying, "Damn Girl! You're lookin HOT!!" That's going to help your self esteem.

 

 

Go to the Gym and run your ass off on the treadmill. Take a spin class or Zumba Class. Eat right and get plenty off sleep and you're going to workng towards that tone and sexy bod that guys are definitely going to notice at the gym when you catch them peeking at your butt when you walk by in those Yoga pants. You'll probably think to yourself, "PERVS!" But, you'll be thinking it with a smile on your face!

 

 

Then, get some hobbies. With hobbies, there's usually clubs in your area with people that have a shared interest. JOIN THEM! PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE! MEET NEW PEOPLE! So, join a running club, or co-ed sports, or a cycling club, or dive lesson, or a photography course, or a cooking class. The key is to enjoy life and KEEP BUSY!

 

 

Then, travel! There's this big ass world outside your door and I got a news flash for you. Your Ex isn't and wasn't your entire world. The world is full of wonderful places to visit, people to meet from different backgrounds and different cultures to experience! Think of a place that you've always wanted to see. Save for it, pick a date and GO!!!! Have a girlfriend go with you!!! ENJOY YOUSELF!!!

 

And, maybe this douche rocket will get curious about you and log onto facebook and see's a pic of you and a girlfriend standing up to your knee's in the surf of the Bahamas with you having this banging bod wearing this cute little bikini holding a margarita. Smiling and tan! Dude, should be smacking his head off the wall after that. Oh well! HIS LOSS!!!

 

 

That's how you get your revenge!

  • Like 5
ZiggyZoo Established Member

ZiggyZoo

Posted
Posted
Yes! He made his choice and, unfortunately, it wasn't you. He made the choice to have you out of his life. So, you give him exactly that! He doesn't deserve a response from you and nor should he expect it. He gave up that right!

 

 

Now, it time for you to be selfish and worry about the only person that matters right now and that's YOU!

 

 

It's time to get your revenge! And the best revenge you can get is to lead a DAMN good and adventurous life!

 

 

Start making positive changes in your life. Go get a new hairstyle and buy a new wardrobe. You want people saying, "Damn Girl! You're lookin HOT!!" That's going to help your self esteem.

 

 

Go to the Gym and run your ass off on the treadmill. Take a spin class or Zumba Class. Eat right and get plenty off sleep and you're going to workng towards that tone and sexy bod that guys are definitely going to notice at the gym when you catch them peeking at your butt when you walk by in those Yoga pants. You'll probably think to yourself, "PERVS!" But, you'll be thinking it with a smile on your face!

 

 

Then, get some hobbies. With hobbies, there's usually clubs in your area with people that have a shared interest. JOIN THEM! PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE! MEET NEW PEOPLE! So, join a running club, or co-ed sports, or a cycling club, or dive lesson, or a photography course, or a cooking class. The key is to enjoy life and KEEP BUSY!

 

 

Then, travel! There's this big ass world outside your door and I got a news flash for you. Your Ex isn't and wasn't your entire world. The world is full of wonderful places to visit, people to meet from different backgrounds and different cultures to experience! Think of a place that you've always wanted to see. Save for it, pick a date and GO!!!! Have a girlfriend go with you!!! ENJOY YOUSELF!!!

 

And, maybe this douche rocket will get curious about you and log onto facebook and see's a pic of you and a girlfriend standing up to your knee's in the surf of the Bahamas with you having this banging bod wearing this cute little bikini holding a margarita. Smiling and tan! Dude, should be smacking his head off the wall after that. Oh well! HIS LOSS!!!

 

 

That's how you get your revenge!

 

How could I possibly have anything to add to this? Spot on, all of it. Let him go and be immature, you've got much better things to do. NC for sure!

Auspecial Established Member

Auspecial

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Posted

He's just sticking his toe into the water to check the temperature. Checking to see what move you will make, or not make.

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SoulflowerChloe Member

SoulflowerChloe

Posted
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Thank you, all of the insight and encouragement is really warming my heart. I feel excited for better things to come. However, because the wound is still fresh and the fact that this is someone that's been a major part of my life for 6 years now, I still have that feeling in my chest like my heart has dropped. I cry all the time and I wake up feeling empty. I don't wish any ill harm towards him, but I cant help but to want him to learn his lesson and to feel my pain. Its not fair. btw, I'm 19 and he's 20.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted
Thank you, all of the insight and encouragement is really warming my heart. I feel excited for better things to come. However, because the wound is still fresh and the fact that this is someone that's been a major part of my life for 6 years now, I still have that feeling in my chest like my heart has dropped. I cry all the time and I wake up feeling empty. I don't wish any ill harm towards him, but I cant help but to want him to learn his lesson and to feel my pain. Its not fair. btw, I'm 19 and he's 20.

 

The goal with NC is to finally get to a point of indifference towards him. That you could see a pic of him and it doesn't bother you in the least. Does NC help heal from this? Yep! Does using NC in conjunction with those positive changes I described help you heal faster? ABSOLUTELY!

 

 

It's funny about making positive changes compasses doing FUN THINGS! But, those positive changes also help YOU work on you. By doing those things, you're working on your self esteem, your self worth, your health, your confidence, your social skills and your ability to love yourself again. You can't expect anyone to love you if you can't love yourself. You need to find your smile again.

 

 

Now, you're allowed to mourn. And I suspect that's what you're doing. AND THAT'S NORMAL! You're allowed to mourn the loss of him and mourn the loss of the relationship. But, don't dwell on it too long! You have a lot of work ahead of you. Make those simple changes first. Getting a new hairstyle is immediate and easy. Get a hairstyle that people are going to notice and like. I promise you that when people comment on it, it's going to feel good. And you deserve a compliment right about now. So, try it and tell me I'm wrong.

  • Like 1
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

The dumper moves on for a reason, and they have usually thought long and hard about the decision, before they make it.

They are usually pretty calm and implacable as they have had time to think and are certain they made the right decision.

They feel guilty, but they want the dumpee to think of them as a good person and being friends is thus part of that deal.

They also have grown used to the dumpee being around, they do not usually hate the dumpee, so having the dumpee as a friend is the best of both worlds, for them...

Being friends, they are then free to do what they want, yet can still tap into that closeness with the dumpee if they need it. Hence the "Good morning" text.

 

HOWEVER, the dumpee is usually heartbroken, having been blindsided and cannot contemplate ever being just friends, in fact anger, hate and grief are topmost in their thoughts as well as begging, "please come back". Once they know their pleas are falling on deaf ears, NC is the best option for them...

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