Auspecial Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 A friend has been under attack from a self-professed carnie, whom she kindly took in seven years ago when he was homeless (turned out to be another lie). He hasn't lived there for five years, but remains a very disruptive force in her life. He has turned her life upside down. From minor vandalism, theft, rape threat calls, moving things around in her house and other "gas lighting" behavior. My friend lives in constant fear but can't get rid of him. He fathered two children with her (then very young and naïve) daughter. Those two basically get along okay, and friends daughter has since married a stable, positive man. The daughter doesn't trust him, but doesn't think he is "her problem anymore," since they aren't together. At one point, she did have enough to call police for, but somehow he was able to con them into accusing her of being mentally ill. Apparently, the PO was very aggressive toward her and told her if she called the police again, she would be arrested. She and her prior bf had called the police before when his business was broken into. My friend is one of the most mentally and emotionally stable people I know. She is an extremely hard worker, works full time in a very public job, the same job for over 15 years. I have never seen her act even remotely inappropriately. On the other hand, I had a bad vibe from the carnie the very first time I met him. I encouraged her to make a statement with the PD to clear this up, but she is embarrassed by it all and wants "it to just go away." And she thinks the police will "good old boy" her. What would you do? I am frustrated that I can't help and that she deserves some help. The lack of balance bothers me, that she has to live in fear because of a con artist who is just playing games.
BetrayedH Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Document, document, document. Save anything that can be used as proof. And then when you have proof that he's done something illegal, she can either go to the police or to an attorney. If she decided that's all too much hassle, you can't help her. 5
Author Auspecial Posted March 5, 2015 Author Posted March 5, 2015 Document, document, document. Save anything that can be used as proof. And then when you have proof that he's done something illegal, she can either go to the police or to an attorney. If she decided that's all too much hassle, you can't help her. I agree. So frustrating. She had a long documentation, but it has disappeared.
Radu Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 The very fact that her daughter does not consider him her problem anymore even though he is abusing his ex MIL, should tell you something about that family. Add to it that she doesn't want to go to the Police. It is probably not in her imagination, but the whole thing is toxic by association to you ... as are ppl like this. Distance yourself from it. 1
Author Auspecial Posted March 5, 2015 Author Posted March 5, 2015 The very fact that her daughter does not consider him her problem anymore even though he is abusing his ex MIL, should tell you something about that family. Add to it that she doesn't want to go to the Police. It is probably not in her imagination, but the whole thing is toxic by association to you ... as are ppl like this. Distance yourself from it. I think the issue is their passivity. The daughter puts her head in the sand cause she doesn't want to rock the boat re: child custody matters. The ex mil (my friend) doesn't want to add to the drama by alerting her daughter every time something comes up. I can't imagine living like that. It scares me for her, that she feels she can't fight.
preraph Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 The mistake was that she didn't call the police the first time something happened. Now all she can do is keep logs, keep any texts or messages, and try to find witnesses to back her up when she contacts the police. However, if he has burglarized her house, she can tell police she wants fingerprinting done. Now, he was in there anyway, so unless he broke in, it won't do any good, but if his prints are around where he broke in, it might help. If I were here I'd get a couple of huge loud dogs to keep him out of my house or at least make him think twice about it. 2
Author Auspecial Posted March 5, 2015 Author Posted March 5, 2015 The mistake was that she didn't call the police the first time something happened. Now all she can do is keep logs, keep any texts or messages, and try to find witnesses to back her up when she contacts the police. However, if he has burglarized her house, she can tell police she wants fingerprinting done. Now, he was in there anyway, so unless he broke in, it won't do any good, but if his prints are around where he broke in, it might help. If I were here I'd get a couple of huge loud dogs to keep him out of my house or at least make him think twice about it. I agree. It seems like she has almost gotten used to these things over time, yet she is nervous all the time.
Recommended Posts