elaine567 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 We generally talk "daily". It seems to be that when we start to get very close, he then disappears for a few days. I did send him a message yesterday, and he responded back with a sarcastic response as if "I' had been ignoring him!!! Maybe he expects me to do all the work... He is messing with your head. 1
katiegrl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 We generally talk "daily". It seems to be that when we start to get very close, he then disappears for a few days. I did send him a message yesterday, and he responded back with a sarcastic response as if "I' had been ignoring him!!! Maybe he expects me to do all the work... Otherwise known as "flipping the script" so HE doesn't have to explain why HE disappeared for days.
katiegrl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 How is that wasting your life, you had a good time right? Life is about having a good time. My ex sent me a text saying how she 'wasted' 2 years of her life on me so what you said struck a chord. Agree with this. No relationship, even a bad one, or a good one that didn't work out, is a "waste" of your life. Every relationship is a learning experience... an opportunity to learn and grow and evolve. 2
catchthedrift Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 It seems you are trying to hard to evoke something in him that just isn't there. I think you should move on to clearer waters. 1
MissBee Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I still don't get how it's *wasting time* if his ACTIONS tell you he's committed , he is telling you he loves you, and you are happy!! I am sorry I just can't wrap my brain around that. I guess we will just have to agree to disagree .... Are we talking about the OP's situation or your brother's gf? The OP's situation isn't about being with a boyfriend who isn't ready for marriage or something like that. She is with a man who says he is NOT ready for a relationship but if he were it would be with her but they "act like a couple" and she loves him. If a man has admitted he is not ready for a relationship (not even marriage just an ordinary bf/gf relationship) I would suggest you take him at his word and not go along with it if you aren't happy about it. She clearly isn't. OP you aren't a couple. He said he is not ready for a relationship, therefore you are not a couple. People who are couples agree they want a relationship they don't say "I don't want a relationship, but if it makes you feel better you'd be my gf if I wanted one." I think what he is saying is clear and any other interpretation is wishful thinking. Like I said, if you have to ask if you're a couple, you are not.
catchthedrift Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 OP you aren't a couple. He said he is not ready for a relationship, therefore you are not a couple. People who are couples agree they want a relationship they don't say "I don't want a relationship, but if it makes you feel better you'd be my gf if I wanted one." I think what he is saying is clear and any other interpretation is wishful thinking. Like I said, if you have to ask if you're a couple, you are not. WISHFUL THINKING that's what I was thinking about too, you are probably telling yourself about all the good stuff in hopes that things will work out for you, and by doing that you are in denial about the reality, which is that you are more in it than he is. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 The hardest part for me is letting him go. It has felt like a relationship so I want to be honest, but, it hasn't been a relationship so going ahead and dating makes me feel like I'm cheating on him. I was asked out by another guy and felt stupid saying I'm kind of seeing someone. Guy says "isn't that like being kinda pregnant"? He was totally right but I just wouldn't feel right going out with someone else. I FEEL like we are a couple based on his actions. Well then you are accepting of the status quo because it feels better than letting it go, but how are you going to feel when he uses his freedom to just leave to work abroad for a couple of years without considering your feelings, or to start a real relationship with somebody else when he is "ready" for that?? I am sure he really likes you and does care about you but he is having fun without any commitment, there is nothing wrong with doing that!! But don't fool yourself, he is being honest!! Believe it, he is a FREE MAN not your man!
katiegrl Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) Are we talking about the OP's situation or your brother's gf? The OP's situation isn't about being with a boyfriend who isn't ready for marriage or something like that. She is with a man who says he is NOT ready for a relationship but if he were it would be with her but they "act like a couple" and she loves him. If a man has admitted he is not ready for a relationship (not even marriage just an ordinary bf/gf relationship) I would suggest you take him at his word and not go along with it if you aren't happy about it. She clearly isn't. OP you aren't a couple. He said he is not ready for a relationship, therefore you are not a couple. People who are couples agree they want a relationship they don't say "I don't want a relationship, but if it makes you feel better you'd be my gf if I wanted one." I think what he is saying is clear and any other interpretation is wishful thinking. Like I said, if you have to ask if you're a couple, you are not. Thanks, but you don't have to suggest anything to me darlin, I've never been presented with this issue, and don't plan to. I have had three long term relationships and I have never felt the need to even ask if he wants a relationship or if he's ready for a relationship. If we ever did discuss it, it was a always HIM asking ME. But for the most part, it was never discussed, our relationship simply evolved and progressed gradually and naturally with both us simply *knowing" this was something special... and allowing it to take it's natural course. All three relationships were long term, the first one five years (I broke it off when I met my second boyfriend), the second four years (got engaged but broke it off when I met my third and current boyfriend (five+ years). I have never had any of my boyfriends break up with me....I must be doing something right. Edited March 10, 2015 by katiegrl 1
MissBee Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Thanks, but you don't have to suggest anything to me darlin, I've never been presented with this issue, and don't plan to. I have had three long term relationships and I have never felt the need to even ask if he wants a relationship or if he's ready for a relationship. If we ever did discuss it, it was a always HIM asking ME. But for the most part, it was never discussed, our relationship simply evolved and progressed gradually and naturally with both us simply *knowing" this was something special... and allowing it to take it's natural course. All three relationships were long term, the first one five years (I broke it off when I met my second boyfriend), the second four years (got engaged but broke it off when I met my third and current boyfriend (five+ years). I have never had any of my boyfriends break up with me....I must be doing something right. The you was a plural you and not you specifically. My response was to the OP. The first 3 lines or so were addressing what you said but the rest was addressed back to her and my opinion on her situation and how she should think of it given the facts she's presented. This isn't about you, your brother or his gf is the point though. I think in talking about yourself and your brother's gf you have conflated different situations which aren't anything like what the OP is experiencing and my advice to her is that she should not use your brother's gf as an example as that is not at all her situation.
katiegrl Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 The you was a plural you and not you specifically. My response was to the OP. The first 3 lines or so were addressing what you said but the rest was addressed back to her and my opinion on her situation and how she should think of it given the facts she's presented. This isn't about you, your brother or his gf is the point though. I think in talking about yourself and your brother's gf you have conflated different situations which aren't anything like what the OP is experiencing and my advice to her is that she should not use your brother's gf as an example as that is not at all her situation. OK fair enough MB....
snowflakes88 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Agree with this. No relationship, even a bad one, or a good one that didn't work out, is a "waste" of your life. Every relationship is a learning experience... an opportunity to learn and grow and evolve. EYE feel like it was a waste of time. You're entitled to your opinion, but I'll pass on your attempts to "disagree" with the way I feel about my own personal situation, thx.
Author Scaatys2014 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 Thanks again everyone for your responses. Seems to be a repetitive pattern of getting together once a week with intermittent communication in between. He invited me out the other night, we (again) had a fantastic time, he said "i love you" while we were watching the Tele, and I just acted as if I didn't hear him. Did not say it back. He called me the next day, I texted the day after and now nothing for two days. Now, because we have been friends for so long, I don't want to cause a stink with him but I do need advice on how to respond when he does ask me out again. Be honest and tell him I want more, or let it ride? I would like to see him more than once a week. He did clarify that I am the only one he is with. It came up in conversation as he wanted to know if I was dating others.
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