GoodDaze43 Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 There comes a time when you know all you can do now is let go and move on, but how? This is my second relationship but this is my first love, I'm 22. It won't be easy but I really thought this girl was perfect but she changed into a different person.
Gaeta Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 You let time do its magic. You delete emails, text, pictures, phone number, put away in a box all those gifts, and move on. Understand you need to spend some time alone and moving on does not mean jumping into another relationship. Spent time doing things that you love. Make projects, give yourself some challenges, spent time with family and friends, go on a trip, get into a sport, get something you've always wanted. Good luck ! 2
deathandtaxes Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Pretend it's all in a closed fist - just open that fist up. Release that tension and everything else that was causing you to grip so tightly. Like somebody said - the texts, emails, pictures, etc. 1
irresolute Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Pretend it's all in a closed fist - just open that fist up. Release that tension and everything else that was causing you to grip so tightly. Like somebody said - the texts, emails, pictures, etc. Can you explain more? I think this is interesting but I don't fully understand
deathandtaxes Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Can you explain more? I think this is interesting but I don't fully understand A metaphor. And also a visualization, perhaps with some mindfulness and some cognitive behavior stuff thrown in. You can literally see it as letting go. Nobody ever said letting go was easy. Takes time. It takes effort. It takes getting comfortable with the longing, the loss, the despair that come along with the past.
Thaddius Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 You let time do its magic. You delete emails, text, pictures, phone number, put away in a box all those gifts, and move on. Understand you need to spend some time alone and moving on does not mean jumping into another relationship. Spent time doing things that you love. Make projects, give yourself some challenges, spent time with family and friends, go on a trip, get into a sport, get something you've always wanted. Good luck ! Pretty much what he said but don't try to hold everything in. Sometimes you just gotta cry and grieve. Then you put your big boy pants on and do what he said above 1
rocketman122 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 There comes a time when you know all you can do now is let go and move on, but how? This is my second relationship but this is my first love, I'm 22. It won't be easy but I really thought this girl was perfect but she changed into a different person. me personally,I cant do the time alone crap. It works against me. I think about the ex and my mind works overtime. I fall in a deep depression and things go downhill. I get panic attacks at night and then stop working. for me what works is to move on by trying to find someone. there is no rebound person here though because I want to find someone to love and always look for a LTR. so im not always successful with that plan, thats the best for me. for you I might recommend going with friends more, being more active by not staying at home and having fun so your mind is not on her. its not easy.
preraph Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 The key to moving on is in your post, OP. "I thought she was perfect but she changed into a different person." She never was who you wanted her to be, but it takes time to find out who a person really is. We all have an ideal in our head of the perfect man or woman and we often go into a getting to know a person kind of assuming they are that person -- but they NEVER are. When you do find the right person, they won't be like that one in your head. You have to not just give up all your feelings before you know someone. I know it's hard. I was really bad about that myself. Then I was constantly disappointed as a result. Try to go into it with fewer expectations. Don't assume a pretty girl is a nice girl or has a nice personality.
spiderowl Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 This might seem a bit weird, but I see a relationship as a bit like a developing life form. On the surface we are the same, but almost imperceptibly little tendrils reach out from us/to us between ourselves and the other person. We don't control these, they just form bit by bit for different reasons, but gradually they bond us together. When a relationship ends on one side, the other person is faced with not understanding why they can't just 'disentangle' themselves. That is because these invisible bonds have formed and haven't just gone overnight. The only ways is to disentangle each one bit by bit. I wish I knew how you could do this, but I feel sure that each link is switched on or off and that the process of working through it all in retrospect helps. Sometimes it is fiendishly difficult though and we feel we are battling against ourselves and that it will never happen. Time does help things to fade, but mostly working through the issues with friends and family helps. Every so often, there are little realisations about the other person and how you were together that make you realise there was something missing or not quite right. It all helps to dismantle the bonds. I know it's hard, very hard, but it will gradually happen and even mentally visualising these bonds, labeling each one and mentally untangling them one by one might help. I wish you all the best with this and I'm sure you'll recover and find someone more compatible before too long.
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