Tressugar Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I'm curious to know how many women would stay in a marriage where your husband accuses you of cheating every day ( and you've been faithful) and calls you a bitch, slore and whore constantly? Just doing some research.
badpenny Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I really don't know many women like that on LS who could answer that question from personal experience.... I would say that I would walk out at the first hail of abuse; but if the husband is abusive, many women stay as a form of self-preservation, believe it or not. Research has shown that women who stay in abusive relationships do so, because they fear worse if they leave. Many have tried and paid a price for it. So hypothetically I would say yes, I'd leave straight away. In a real situation, I don't know what would happen.... 2
elaine567 Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Agree with bad penny, this is abuse, but abusive men tend not to start acting like this from the get go. If a man did this the first week, the first month, even the first year, then most women would just leave. But these men usually start off nice, even "perfect" and that is where the mind control begins However, on hindsight the signs of a wish to control and possessiveness were probably there, but at first she sees them as kinda sweet, "he must really love me, he wants to be with me all the time", "he is just so interested in my life and what I am doing", "he picks me up from work, he is so attentive." Once she is hooked, emotionally and financially, her self esteem drops. She becomes socially isolated due to her abuser, he will stop her seeing her family and friends. She stops working, as he cannot cope with her mixing with other people, or he persuades her that staying at home is best. She becomes depressed due to her situation and self isolates too. She is scared of the consequences of going, as he will threaten her if she suggests leaving. She has then nowhere to go to, so she stays. 2
MJJean Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Because of my faith and my separate secular views I take marriage very seriously. If my H was having mental health issues, I'd stay provided he was in therapy, on meds if needed, and making improvements. If my H wasn't seriously committed to changing his behavior I'd be changing the locks. 1
autumnnight Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I would make a good faith effort to work with him to change. If he wasn't interested, I'd be gone. I had a friend whose husband was like this. He was also physically abusive. Her pastor told her to pray and have more of a "gentle, quiet spirit to win him without a word." She left her husband and changed churches. Good move on both points IMO 3
BlueIris Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I'm curious to know how many women would stay in a marriage where your husband accuses you of cheating every day ( and you've been faithful) and calls you a bitch, slore and whore constantly? Just doing some research. Not me. Time to start making the exit plan.
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I would say that I would walk out at the first hail of abuse; but if the husband is abusive, many women stay as a form of self-preservation, believe it or not. Research has shown that women who stay in abusive relationships do so, because they fear worse if they leave. Many have tried and paid a price for it. Having worked with abused women and children, this is very true. As for ME, this wouldn't be an issue because I'd never be with a man who behaved in this way. IF he turned into an abusive person for whatever reasons, I'd kick his a** to the curb. I have ZERO tolerance for any kind of abuse marriage or not. Period. Studies have shown that psychological abuse is far more damaging long term than broken bones and black eyes.
elaine567 Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Studies have shown that psychological abuse is far more damaging long term than broken bones and black eyes. Yes, but broken bones and black eyes, also have a negative effect on the psyche. If a man is hitting a woman, then that will have psychological effect on her too. I think it is possible for abuse to be purely psychological, but I don't think any abuse can be seen as purely physical.
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 (edited) Yes, but broken bones and black eyes, also have a negative effect on the psyche. If a man is hitting a woman, then that will have psychological effect on her too. I think it is possible for abuse to be purely psychological, but I don't think any abuse can be seen as purely physical. Indeed. Any kind of abuse has the potential to wreak serious havoc on one's emotional well being. The point I was making and what I've come to learn having worked with abuse victims is that you can't have physical abuse without the psychological abuse. They go hand in hand whereas psychological abuse doesn't always lead to the physical in all cases. This makes it much more pervasive and often times a more frequent occurrence in relationships. And because it isn't something people can detect easily like a black eye (including the victim herself), it can go on for more years than one that is physical. Many victims don't see psychological abuse as "abuse" because their partner didn't lay a hand on them, therefore it doesn't "count". It makes it easier for them to forgive and forget as well as take on even more blame for their partners outbreaks and frustrations. Again, they're both wrong and painful and very damaging but psychological abuse tends to be the slow burn that simmers indefinitely. Edited March 5, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle 1
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