YoGabba Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) I had met her on the net and been dating for close to two months now and for the most part it had been going well, well, at least no outright deal breakers from the onset anyway. Yesterday, we were supposed to have a date but she had gotten ill and didn't feel like having a long night out, still, she went to work since it’s difficult for her to find coverage. Since she works afternoon shifts she doesn't get out till well into the evening and usually has to take public trans. Since it was also balls freezing cold outside last night I offered to pick her up so we could get her something to eat and I'd give her a lift home to make sure she got back OK. So dinner goes well and we begin the drive home. She tells me how tired she is and just wants to sleep ASAP. I get back home a little over an hour later after doing some errands and lo and behold, I see that's she's signed into the dating site. I had also got a text from her about 30 mins after leaving her place saying she’s going to bed, thanks, yadda yadda. In the most basic sense, I don't care how many guys she's seeing, she's not the only one I'm seeing and it’d be hypocritical of me to go against it for her and not me. You'll have to pardon me though if I feel there's some sort of disconnect between feeling ill and saying you’re going to sleep and then logging into a dating site so late into the night. Kicker to this? She explicitly states she only dates one person at a time and is looking for something serious in her profile. (I don't make the same claims in my profile but I’m personally looking for something serious and long term) This definitely isn’t the first time she has logged in since dating too, but I had never minded prior because a profile is just a profile but I feel it’s a bit different when you explicitly tell someone something. The thing is, I don't get what her end game was supposed to be. We essentially split bills on dates and she does the bulk of the driving since she'll usually come close to where I live which is over half an hour away from her place. It was also her who originally wanted to do something Tuesday and asked if I was free that day initially. Cold feet like this so early into it? I understand that this relationship probably isn't going anywhere and so I’ll end it soon. I’m having difficulty understand exactly what she was trying to derive from us dating. Maybe I’m just a huge douche but thoughts regardless? We’re both mid 20s if you care and thanks for reading. Edited March 4, 2015 by YoGabba
1040 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 You are not exclusive and she's looking for a better option than you. And if she finds one, she'll dump you. Didn't take long, either.
Gary S Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 If she does not love you at almost two months, she probably never will.
CarrieT Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I would give her the benefit of the doubt. I could see myself being too tired to want to be on my best for a new guy I'm dating, crawl in bed with my computer, and receive a message from a dating site. Not saying she should delete her profile right away, but sometimes just sitting with a computer in one's lap, in bed with a cup of tea, is a form of relaxing and resting when one is not feeling well. Have you had the exclusivity talk yet? Until you do, logging onto the site doesn't necessarily mean she's looking for someone else. It could mean she is cutting off others she has been talking to because you were there for her when it WAS freezing and she wasn't feeling better... See? You never know until you actually talk to her about it! 2
losangelena Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 If she does not love you at almost two months, she probably never will. Not sure I agree with this. Two months is really nothing in the grand scheme of things. I agree with some of the other posters on here who say to give her the benefit of the doubt. Chances are this was not some bold-faced lie to get you out of her hair so she could troll the OLD profiles of other men. You're at two months with this woman and you say you're still seeing others? Does she know that? Have you slept with her yet? Are you sleeping with others? If you want to know her end game, why don't you ask her? Better yet, figure out your end game with her. You're dating her, it's been two months, but you haven't brought up exclusivity. Are you seeing someone you like better? There are no right or wrong answers here. I just find that generally, when I start to get overly concerned with the actions and intentions of others, it's easier to focus on my own actions and intentions. After all, you have no control over how she feels.
Author YoGabba Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 Just to broadly address the comments already, yes we kissed and been intimate a few times. Ironrically, she was the one to actually kiss me on the first date when I only meant to go in for a hug. She later texted me if it was too forward but I said no (a bit of a white lie from me this time but getting kissed earlier than I'd like ain't gonna kill me). The first time we got intimate wasn't natural at all either, out of the blue she texted me asking if she could spend the night on day whatever and expectations were obvious. She doesn't know I'm seeing another as she hasn't asked. I have no idea how many others she's seeing at the moment. I'm dating one other at the moment but only have sex with one person at a time. The person I was seeing before this particular one seemed to try to veer the relationship into a FWB position which I'm not down for so I cut her out. I'm not sure if I like the other I'm dating right now more, I feel like almost to a fault I have a natural loyalty to the one I've been seeing longer so I would have loved to make things work with her. Feels like too many false flags and missteps have ruined it though on both ends. Sorry, but I can't give someone the benefit of the doubt so easily like some of you can. Right now, I think I'll ask her out to dinner one last time and explain that I just don't think we're a very good match.
losangelena Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Right now, I think I'll ask her out to dinner one last time and explain that I just don't think we're a very good match. If you don't think you're a very good match, then I'd let her know that without taking her out again. I don't know about other women, but I feel dead awful when a guy takes me out just to break up with me. It happened to me once, and it was an awful bait and switch. He was all, "hi love, let's go get coffee," only to be surprised with, "I don't think we should see each other anymore," once we were there. Call her up and tell her instead. 1
Author YoGabba Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 I'd have to say I'm the opposite then. My GF of 4 years and I split up via Facebook messaging and while the split was mutual (it was long distance for over a year at that point), it left an incredibly sour taste in how it was done. While a woman I dated for a bit over a month (who will probably the closest I'll ever get to love at first sight... well at least first date), told me that she wanted to talk and basically gave the whole I'm not ready for a relationship spiel (IE I'm not the one) in a very respectful manner which I'll always appreciate. I mean, it's not my intention to string her along with things like "Looking forward to seeing you again! :)" but a "Did you want to meet for coffee? Just some things I'd like to say"
losangelena Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I'd have to say I'm the opposite then. My GF of 4 years and I split up via Facebook messaging and while the split was mutual (it was long distance for over a year at that point), it left an incredibly sour taste in how it was done. While a woman I dated for a bit over a month (who will probably the closest I'll ever get to love at first sight... well at least first date), told me that she wanted to talk and basically gave the whole I'm not ready for a relationship spiel (IE I'm not the one) in a very respectful manner which I'll always appreciate. I mean, it's not my intention to string her along with things like "Looking forward to seeing you again! :)" but a "Did you want to meet for coffee? Just some things I'd like to say" Everyone's different. I can only say what I'd like. Obviously, breaking up after four years over FB messenger is sh*tty. But after just a couple of months? I would say that doing it over the phone (not text/messenger/etc) or in person (somewhere private, not public) is preferable. That's MY preference, though. I'm sure some people in your position would simply fade out, too, so just do what you feel is best.
NJ123 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Every woman I know takes her phone to bed with her. She is probably just laying in bed and checking her messages again before she goes to sleep. I wouldn't think much of it. However, any decent looking girl online is probably fielding a ton of messages. There are other guys trying to hit on her for sure, and she is at least talking to them. This is why online dating is pure ****.
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