franksinatra95 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Ok, so maybe that title was a little strong but I'm glad I've attracted a few people's attention because it would be really great for both me and my anxiety to garner as much advice and support as possible on this one. I met this girl on Tinder around a month ago. We flanted (flirtatious banter) away on Facebook for around a week and I called her a few times before I finally met up with her after three weeks of first swiping her right (left?) on Tinder. I could easily have met up with her after the first call but I've fallen on hard times financially and haven't got a bolt to my name. I work two volunteer jobs so I literally haven't got a penny. However, after three weeks I broke it to her that I was poor and SHE offered to take me out for a few drinks. A little apprehensive by this, I accepted and we had a fantastic time followed by a snog at the train station before I went away. I knew after that first date that she was special - not only did she not give a flying crap about my financial issues, but she was also not like any other half-witted blonde-tipped Tinder slag with a million filters and a very high sex charge. She was funny, accepting and downright ****ing good to look at. I digress, but we did end up meeting again in a few days after I managed to obtain some money from my mum and after a few drinks, she let me stay at her house. We slept in the same bed and as much as I tried to get into her pants, she wasn't having it. Fair enough, I like the heat of the chase. We've now met up at least seven times, having both eaten with each other's families, slept in each other's beds and almost had sex. We have a great time together and I genuinely feel as if it could blossom into something serious. Here's the issue I'm having: she's moving back down south (600 miles to be precise) and it's going to hurt like razor blades and lemon juice on a paper cut. I was aware that she was moving back down south from the second date onward but I just felt as if she would be nice company for the remainder month or so that she was here and that nothing would be taken seriously. But, I've fallen into the great bear trap of love and lust and I'm really not sure what path I need to take here. She's the first ever girl that I've ever had true feelings for. I've been with plenty of woman in my time, but this one certainly stands out. There's really not much I dislike about her. I'm so unbelievably attracted to her and I think it's definitely reciprocating given how excessively she hangs over my shoulder for duration of our meetings. I'm probably going to have sex with her at some point in the next few days as a sort of goodbye to her leaving on Wednesday. What's my next move?
Author franksinatra95 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 Yep, she's moving 600 miles south.
badpenny Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I was suggesting that you move likewise. Is there anything where you are, stopping you?
mightycpa Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I would think your next move is to figure out how to make some money. It's funny how your options open up when that happens. I would not suggest chasing her down south unless and until you're able to support yourself and have something to spare. You'd be surprised how unattractive poverty can get when the initial shine of personality wears off. We're not cavemen or serfs anymore. Money makes the world go round.
MJAlex Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 How does she feel about you, and what hobbies/volunteer work do you like to do? If feelings are mutual, I believe it's possible to at least hold a long-distance relationship before finding the money to join her for a bit. Or, she may be willing to let you join her. I wouldn't suggest moving down unless you had money, as a few others suggested. It will lead to hard times on the relationship. Instead, see how you could perhaps make money from the skills you have. There are plenty of outlets out there for tutoring, private teaching, or using skills online to bring in some extra funds. You never know, it may be enough to head down South as well. I hope this helps!
Author franksinatra95 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 I'm not sure what she'd think of that. We've only met up around seven times so we're still really getting to know each other. She says I can come and visit her but that won't be for at least a few months (until I can get back on my feet financially). My bank account has around -£400 (-$600) in it so it'll take me a while. I've got a few interviews/trials for jobs in the next week so hopefully I will get something.
Author franksinatra95 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 I was thinking that, but it would be risky given my financial situation. Also, I'm not sure if she would feel the same way about that.
Author franksinatra95 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 How does she feel about you, and what hobbies/volunteer work do you like to do? If feelings are mutual, I believe it's possible to at least hold a long-distance relationship before finding the money to join her for a bit. Or, she may be willing to let you join her. I wouldn't suggest moving down unless you had money, as a few others suggested. It will lead to hard times on the relationship. Instead, see how you could perhaps make money from the skills you have. There are plenty of outlets out there for tutoring, private teaching, or using skills online to bring in some extra funds. You never know, it may be enough to head down South as well. I hope this helps! I'm currently a volunteer photographer for Youth Football Scotland and I write news articles for a small news site. That's the thing, I'm not sure if they are mutual. She likes me, but I'm not sure if that would be a step too much at this point. I'm nineteen, and my main trade is chefing, which I've got an interviews and trials for at various places over the next few days. Hopefully I'll get something!
Gary S Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Well, I hate to tell you this, but only one in 1,000 long distance relationships work out. And women who love you don't want to move away. When I date, the first question I ask is, "how long have you lived here". I want to talk about that right out of the gate, to find out if she's a permanent resident. Don't fall in love with a drifter. She's just passin' through.
badpenny Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 I'm currently a volunteer photographer for Youth Football Scotland and I write news articles for a small news site. That's the thing, I'm not sure if they are mutual. She likes me, but I'm not sure if that would be a step too much at this point. I'm nineteen, and my main trade is chefing, which I've got an interviews and trials for at various places over the next few days. Hopefully I'll get something! I'm going to sound like some old fogey, but here's the thing: At 19, you should be focusing on getting yourself straight and forging a career and reputation for yourself. You may not heed this advice. I wouldn't blame you; many young people don't (as G. B. Shaw once said, "Youth is wasted on the Young".) but it's sadly, true. I realise it's utterly grand and very fulfilling to be in love, and to feel loved, but - and here's an analogy you'll understand. Love, is the icing on the cake. Life - IS the cake. if you've got the mix wrong, the ingredients lacking or they're just not combining well, it's a dud cake - and no matter how intricate or decorative, attractive or visually pleasing the 'icing' is, if the cake sucks, the icing is just a camouflage for an unsuccessful attempt. The advantage of your chosen path is that - everybody eats. Our lives revolve around food. Without it to discuss, eat, enjoy, watch on TV, experiment with, try, partake at social occasions - we're not living, we're existing. You're lucky to live in a country where the diversity of food is both matchless and endless. The choices are legion - so you WILL get a job soon, I'm sure. The question to pose yourself is, do you have the drive and determination to turn a 'job' into a vocational career? See, there are 'chefs' and there are 'Chefs". And to be a "Chef" is a rare but extremely rewarding privilege. It's sheer hard graft, bloody hard work and can be extremely stressful. I know a bit about it.... So my 'old fogey' advice to you, stands: Focus on cooking, chefing and getting the 'mix' right. Once your life is rising nicely, with no soggy bottom, think about the icing. Ok?
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