mysteryscape Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 You are endangering each of them (and yourself) medically by sleeping with two. For that reason alone you need to tell them both very explicitly what you are doing. I think you also owe it to them even apart from the medical ethical issues. Don't be too surprised if one or both of them doesn't have a good reaction. But, don't be surprised if one or both of them is also screwing someone other than you!
organizedchaos Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Much appreciated for the advice. Ironically that has happened in previous relationships haha. ^^ The whole reason why I posted that is because I was wondering whether or not there was something profoundly wrong with me. I constantly seem to attract 'those' types of women, whereas I'm not really a guy who goes all the way with regards to intimacy on the 1st or 2nd date. Call me old-fashioned, but I'm more interested to getting to know them as a person with intimacy following shortly thereafter. Seems to me that such kind of guys are rare and more often than not it's frequently frowned upon in today's dating scene. :S Therefore, I was wondering whether or not I should stick to my personality or change drastically, heh. If what you've been doing so far hasn't been working, maybe it's time to change things up?
Author CalvinM Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 You are endangering each of them (and yourself) medically by sleeping with two. For that reason alone you need to tell them both very explicitly what you are doing. I think you also owe it to them even apart from the medical ethical issues. Don't be too surprised if one or both of them doesn't have a good reaction. But, don't be surprised if one or both of them is also screwing someone other than you! I've only slept with one of them.
minimariah Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) They're not into you. I only go on second dates with women who have higher interest than I do. By the third date they're doing anything they can do get me to sleep with them. not surprised, you do come off as a dude who doesn't ever take risks & always plays safe - meaning dating ladies who are more into you than you are into them. defense mechanism. Trust me when I say this. When you meet the right woman, you won't feel the need to sleep with her on the second or third date. Spending quality time with her will be more than enough. when you meet the right person, you want to sleep with them... immediately. as in soon as possible because the chemistry is THAT intense. now, i don't know why - but some folks think that sex on first few dates automatically means that you can't get to know that person better. sex and getting to know that person better, spending the quality time are NOT mutually exclusive things. if you can't balance the sexual attraction + communication & emotional connection and "quality time" - then that's your problem. also, these 2 women are not "the right women" for you. if you need to open a thread and ask for opinions in who to choose and date? that ain't it, buddy. Edited March 10, 2015 by minimariah
Author CalvinM Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 (edited) The level of stupid on this thread is astounding. Anyway, I ended things with the woman who has a kid, and she's still messaging me as of an hour ago. "I hope we can have an honest conversation now that you know I'm not trying to get you to rethink things. If you are not happy with yourself, you're going to believe that you can't make anyone else happy, even if that's not true." and this lovely gem.. "You are always going to ask you to make compromises. I really liked you X and what you say are the potential reasons for us ending were not really issues in my mind. I saw that yes you had a night job but to be honest, I also saw that you we're passionate and ambitious and at least working somewhere to make ends meet. Our schedules were not that terrible and you are saying I didn't want more kids but what about the wonderful one I do have? You could find the love of your life and realize she may not be able to get pregnant. Were you the love I've been looking for? I have no idea but I wanted to find out and that was the fun part. Yes, maybe you didn't think you were ready for a meaningful relationship but the fact was, I think we made it easy for each other to be in this one. Maybe you don't agree and maybe you never liked me....." Then she told me "And btw, I didn't enjoy the sex." I stayed over at the other woman's place, we took her dogs for a walk and she made breakfast this morning, it was really wonderful. She's super sweet, and time will tell, but I'm happy with my decision. Edited March 11, 2015 by CalvinM
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 You are endangering each of them (and yourself) medically by sleeping with two. For that reason alone you need to tell them both very explicitly what you are doing. I think you also owe it to them even apart from the medical ethical issues. Don't be too surprised if one or both of them doesn't have a good reaction. But, don't be surprised if one or both of them is also screwing someone other than you! ^^^ This. .
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 The level of stupid on this thread is astounding. Anyway, I ended things with the woman who has a kid, and she's still messaging me as of an hour ago. "I hope we can have an honest conversation now that you know I'm not trying to get you to rethink things. If you are not happy with yourself, you're going to believe that you can't make anyone else happy, even if that's not true." and this lovely gem.. "You are always going to ask you to make compromises. I really liked you X and what you say are the potential reasons for us ending were not really issues in my mind. I saw that yes you had a night job but to be honest, I also saw that you we're passionate and ambitious and at least working somewhere to make ends meet. Our schedules were not that terrible and you are saying I didn't want more kids but what about the wonderful one I do have? You could find the love of your life and realize she may not be able to get pregnant. Were you the love I've been looking for? I have no idea but I wanted to find out and that was the fun part. Yes, maybe you didn't think you were ready for a meaningful relationship but the fact was, I think we made it easy for each other to be in this one. Maybe you don't agree and maybe you never liked me....." Then she told me "And btw, I didn't enjoy the sex." I stayed over at the other woman's place, we took her dogs for a walk and she made breakfast this morning, it was really wonderful. She's super sweet, and time will tell, but I'm happy with my decision. Well then, it's good that you ended things with the first woman. I know it was tempting for you to play the field with both of them, and had the second one slept with you sooner, you would have been doing just that - doing them both. At least now you can concentrate on this ONE woman. If you seriously don't want nothing whatever to do with the first woman ever again, go strictly NC and do a fade to black. . 1
elaine567 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 But, don't be surprised if one or both of them is also screwing someone other than you! ^^^ This. OK but those are just two women who are out there dating, why is there an implication that they are screwing around?
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 OK but those are just two women who are out there dating, why is there an implication that they are screwing around? You know Elaine, I thought of that very same thing when I read that; BUT, I know the intent with which the writer of that post wrote it, which is the same as my intent: It's not that those women are "screwing around" on him, but rather, that he's not the ONLY ONE who's sleeping with more than one person while he's dating another. .
Author CalvinM Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 We've both been very honest with each other and she was the one who wanted to be exclusive. She put off dates with another guy because she wanted to see me. I trust her completely. I'm not sure why ppl have such a low opinion of online daters. I've taken down my profile because I'm legitimately interested in focusing on her.
Raines Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 It seems possible that I may be able to sleep with both of them, which would be nice after the stress in the last relationship I had. I'm sort of in the same situation as you. Not sleeping with 2 different women, but my values have changed ever since getting divorced. I've never been a big fan of multidating. I find it disrespectful, but only if you seek to keep the others a secret from one another. As one other person said, as long as you are upfront that you aren't exclusive, then at least the women involved know and can decide whether to continue with you. Otherwise if they don't know you are seeing others "behind their back", I cannot condone it.
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