bu2002 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 After your first date with your now SO, what was running through your mind after that first date? Was it a rare case where you were sure he/she was the one? Or was it a great time and 100% knew you wanted a second date? Or was it just a good time, and wouldn't have sweated either way if there was or wasn't a second date? Or was it just "alright" and decided to give it another date out of instinct? Which of the four would best describe how you felt? Just went out with a girl on a first date, and can't decide i I want to move forward.
Sunlight72 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 this one;just a good time, and wouldn't have sweated either way if there was or wasn't a second date? ....... can't decide if I want to move forward. That was how I felt, but she was somehow both intriguing enough to be on my mind the next morning (first meeting was a couple hours' conversation), and she was easy to talk to, so I thought it would be nice to see her whether or not it lead anywhere. There were no 'red flags' for me. It's now been three years - the happiest three years of my life After the second date (we ended up writing a song together), I definitely saw her as the girl I wanted to get to know exclusively. I would suggest giving it about four dates. If a red flag pops up, excuse yourself and don't call again. Also, if three or five meetings/dates go by and you're not intrigued, don't get more invested. ---------------- another way to decide about a second date - Would you enjoy hanging out, not hoping for anything more? When I was dating a lot, it cleared things right up for me to answer this. I actually dated a couple of 'super hot' women, but didn't have much fun (?), and couldn't figure it out until I just asked myself, "would I just like to hang out with her?" 1
CrystalShine2011 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I knew he was "the one" the moment I saw him. I walked into the coffee shop where he was waiting for me - I fell in love right then!
devilish innocent Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I need a fifth option. I was certain he wasn't my type and that I shouldn't date him. I just kept in contact with him as friends and fell in love later.
Els Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 We didn't 'date' in the sense of meeting a stranger and trying to figure it out - we'd been friends first. So yes, I already had strong feelings for him by the time our first 'date' rolled around.
Author bu2002 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 this one; That was how I felt, but she was somehow both intriguing enough to be on my mind the next morning (first meeting was a couple hours' conversation), and she was easy to talk to, so I thought it would be nice to see her whether or not it lead anywhere. There were no 'red flags' for me. It's now been three years - the happiest three years of my life After the second date (we ended up writing a song together), I definitely saw her as the girl I wanted to get to know exclusively. I would suggest giving it about four dates. If a red flag pops up, excuse yourself and don't call again. Also, if three or five meetings/dates go by and you're not intrigued, don't get more invested. ---------------- another way to decide about a second date - Would you enjoy hanging out, not hoping for anything more? When I was dating a lot, it cleared things right up for me to answer this. I actually dated a couple of 'super hot' women, but didn't have much fun (?), and couldn't figure it out until I just asked myself, "would I just like to hang out with her?" Good thoughts. I go through this after every first date that I met online that I didn't elminate after about 10 minutes of talking. She was nice and easy to talk to, has her crap together. Has a stable family laugh. However by the end of 2 hours, i was ready for the night to be over and go home. I'm not sure if that's a bad sign.
Sunlight72 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) Ah, I understand a little better bu2002. It's certainly a personal decision. When you think of seeing her, is it positive? or kind of dreary? For now, go with which ever. Don't think about it too much (is my opinion). It's really not a big deal at this point, you're not committing to much, so don't make it a big deal in your head. Two hours is a pretty long conversation for a first meeting (I think), so that's a good sign. I'd encourage you to spend some more time together - if it feels good when you picture it. After one or two more meets, I'd expect you'll have a better idea if you want to see her a few more times after that, or are done. P.S. it may turn out that you both are decent people, but not a romantic match - that happens. But, to me it sounds too early to know, and starting as friends is great, because if you do have a future it's great to spend time with a great friend and romantic partner. Edited March 4, 2015 by Sunlight72
Mrin Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Great question. I've had 4 LTR's in my life: LTR #1 (College): 100% great time, wanted a second date LTR #2 (Grad School): Was a friend who converted so not really relevant LTR #3 (Now ex-wife): Rare case where I knew she was the One. Or the One for the next 11 years I guess. It wasn't romantic so much as just so different from other women that I found myself thinking, "wow, I could marry a woman like this. OMG what did I just think?!?!?" LTR #4 (Current GF): It was more of the great time, knew 100% I wanted a second date type thing. What was interesting about it is that she was everything. Beautiful. Smart. HUGE spectrum. Funny. Tough. Feminine. But I didn't feel any sexual chemistry and it was really puzzling. But I knew I wanted to see her again. Second date - we kissed - and BOOM. The world changed. So ya, sometimes it is worth giving it a second go.... 1
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 My 1st date with my husband was pretty awful. We had met at a business function. He asked me out for a Monday so even though I had bitten his head off when we met that I don't do the kind of work he was interested in. I was afraid that he hadn't listened & because it was a Monday dinner that he was going to press the business relationship that I didn't want. During dinner he was quiet. I was nervous & felt like a babbled which was even more pronounced because he was so quiet. At the time I didn't know he was just a quiet guy. At the end of the dinner he hugged me good bye in the parking lot. No kiss. Not a romantic hug, very formal, stilted and almost robotic. I was convinced I would never see or hear from him again. I ended up crying to one of my friends I can't believe I met a great guy who I'm very attracted to who only wants a professional interaction with me. I was heart broken. My friend assured me that I was reading the signals wrong & that DH was attracted to me too. That friend was a sweet heart & waited until the middle of our wedding reception to say "I told you so"
losangelena Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Or was it just a good time, and wouldn't have sweated either way if there was or wasn't a second date? For me, vis-a-vis my current BF, this is how I felt. I was intrigued by him—by the time I'd met him, I'd spent the ten months prior going on many dates with many men, and he just struck me as different—but not particularly excited. It took me several dates to really like him, and it was over time that his good qualities came out, which made him even more attractive. It's only really now, six months in, that we're fully relaxing into things, and it's great. tl;dr—it was the fact that I was not immediately smitten with my BF that made me want to see him again. Sometimes the slow build-up can be a good thing.
Eighty_nine Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Or was it just a good time, and wouldn't have sweated either way if there was or wasn't a second date? This one. Although I will say this- I met my bf on an online dating site, and when he first messaged me, I "felt" something was different. Hard to explain, I think it was just an intuitive thing, but I knew he wouldn't be a one-date only kind of deal, and it wasn't necessarily because of anything he did/said. I just knew. It wasn't til about our 6th or 7th date that I started feeling like I really, really liked him. 1
central Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 It was a great time (but we had a slow start!) and I 100% knew I wanted a second date by the end of the evening. By the end of the second date I was pretty sure she was a keeper, and I was convinced by the end of the third. However, there was a glitch that separated us for 6 months at that point, and we had to get back together and make it work - because by then we were both convinced we were right for each other. And we were - and still are.
rester Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 relationship 1 > it was a rare case where I was sure she was the one (I was wrong) relationships 2-6 > it was a great time and I 100% knew I wanted a second date
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