lordbaelish Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Some of you may know me from my previous post, where I indicated i've never been in a relationship, and needed some help in trying to get a date (due to my social ineptitude), at the least. What I didn't mention is, there is a cute girl at work I am attracted to, would it be safe to try and approach her? When I mean safe, I don't mean because she's a psychopath, but there is a stigma when it comes to dating someone at work - no ? I am terrible at conversing with girls, and she's been working with me for 2 days now, and in all of our time together we've exchanged a maximum of 5 sentences e.g. 'hello, what's your name' or 'where did you study'.
NJ123 Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 No don't. If things go bad, than you'll still have to see her everyday. Of the thousands upon thousands of women in your area why would you choose the one that would be a big risk for you?
daisylady03 Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 I agree. If you weren't at work I would say otherwise. But if you just met her then chances are you aren't sure if she is interested. I would at least wait to see if you think she is interested in you.
Author lordbaelish Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 No don't. If things go bad, than you'll still have to see her everyday. Of the thousands upon thousands of women in your area why would you choose the one that would be a big risk for you? I've never been in a relationship, of any form, and I just want to use this chance to make something happen. I am terrible with women, I am 21 years old and frightened (yes frightened) to approach women. This girl seems lovely, I have not spoken to her much, but from what i've seen she is really sweet.
Author lordbaelish Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 I agree. If you weren't at work I would say otherwise. But if you just met her then chances are you aren't sure if she is interested. I would at least wait to see if you think she is interested in you. How would one find that out ?
daisylady03 Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 It usually doesn't work like that. Most women who go on dates or agree to go on dates do so with someone they feel they have a connection with. I would try talking to her more first, even if it is just work related issues. Let her warm up to you. Show her your personality and then if you think she is interested then ask her out.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 If you don't think you are relatively charming or have good game, I don't recommend work for picking up girls. You don't want all the females to think of you as the creepy weird stalker. Gaming girls at work is a slow process too, you have to build up rapport and comfort with a girl over a period of like a week before you ask her for her number and/or ask her out.
daisylady03 Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 You will have to talk to her more to see if she is interested. If she is short with you, doesn't make eye contact or smile then she probably isn't interested.
Author lordbaelish Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 It usually doesn't work like that. Most women who go on dates or agree to go on dates do so with someone they feel they have a connection with. I would try talking to her more first, even if it is just work related issues. Let her warm up to you. Show her your personality and then if you think she is interested then ask her out. Do you think she may be put off by the fact we are co-workers, is that something that might deter women ?
Author lordbaelish Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 If you don't think you are relatively charming or have good game, I don't recommend work for picking up girls. You don't want all the females to think of you as the creepy weird stalker. Gaming girls at work is a slow process too, you have to build up rapport and comfort with a girl over a period of like a week before you ask her for her number and/or ask her out. Do you think she might be put off by me, since we've worked for 2 days together and i've hardly said a word to her ? Where as, she has had longer conversations with other co-workers. I feel like i've given off a negative vibe, as if to say i'm a reclusive person who wishes to be left alone.
h0000 Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 I highly doubt she is interested in you (at least not now) You are taking up the biggest challenge while yourself are the weakest candidate
daisylady03 Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Do you think she may be put off by the fact we are co-workers, is that something that might deter women ? You might need to approach it differently, more casually. Just ask her to grab lunch at first. Again, I would definitely wait to see. But once you do receive those signs then I would ask her out casually. Maybe get a group of coworkers to go out. 1
smackie9 Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 This is why you have had no sucess...you are a ball of nervousness and anxiety. Girls only respond positively to confidence for which you are lacking. Take a public speaking course, join a club, try speed dating, do anything that forces you to interact with women. You need to practise being out going with your co-workers, and the people around you. You keep hidding in that shell you will never have a chance. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Do you think she might be put off by me, since we've worked for 2 days together and i've hardly said a word to her ? Where as, she has had longer conversations with other co-workers. I feel like i've given off a negative vibe, as if to say i'm a reclusive person who wishes to be left alone. I don't think so. Unless you were staring at her inappropriately or some other dubious behavior. You really don't sound super confident, so I would keep communication with her friendly and platonic. The last thing you need to do is come off wrong trying to flirt with her and get a sexual harassment lawsuit. Before you can be confident enough to be with a woman, you need to be confident enough as yourself. 1
Author lordbaelish Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 This is why you have had no sucess...you are a ball of nervousness and anxiety. Girls only respond positively to confidence for which you are lacking. Take a public speaking course, join a club, try speed dating, do anything that forces you to interact with women. You need to practise being out going with your co-workers, and the people around you. You keep hidding in that shell you will never have a chance. Yes, I agree completely. I am an overanxious person, and I really need to stop being overwhelmed by it. People do say when I come out of my shell, I am a witty and nice guy, but it's not very often.
Author lordbaelish Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 I don't think so. Unless you were staring at her inappropriately or some other dubious behavior. You really don't sound super confident, so I would keep communication with her friendly and platonic. The last thing you need to do is come off wrong trying to flirt with her and get a sexual harassment lawsuit. Before you can be confident enough to be with a woman, you need to be confident enough as yourself. Thank you, this stuff is very new to me despite my age, and i've never actually sought advice, until recently. I do not want to be thought of as the creepy stalker, somehow I doubt that would help my cause.
clia Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Do you think she may be put off by the fact we are co-workers, is that something that might deter women ? Yes, that is absolutely something that might deter women. I would never date someone who I worked with. Proceed with caution.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Don't dip your pen in company ink don't **** where you eat even if you're charming and great with women, its not a good idea
elaine567 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Yes, I agree completely. I am an overanxious person, and I really need to stop being overwhelmed by it. People do say when I come out of my shell, I am a witty and nice guy, but it's not very often. You need practise speaking to women and who better to practise on than this girl and any other girls/women at work. You don't need ask them out, but just start talking to them in the "safety" of the work situation. Once you are comfortable and are relaxed just talking to women, any woman, then you can take the next steps. If you start from an over-anxious, nervous standpoint then you are going to get rejected, but if you are confident and cool around women then they are more likely to say yes when you do start asking.
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 It takes a certain degree of finesse to approach someone at work with the intent to start a romance. If you don't have a level of confidence don't ask somebody out at work. In addition to the regular issues that make it scary to ask somebody out at work you have to worry that you don't run afoul of sexual harassment laws. Plus if she turns you down, work will become incredibly awkward. In terms of dating, work place romances are definitely the "deep end of the pool." If you aren't a skilled swimmer don't jump in here.
Author lordbaelish Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 having assessed everyones comments, I've decided to try and have a platonic relationship with this girl, in effort to be more comfortable with girls 3
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