daisylady03 Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 I have been a lurker here for some time now the past few months. I have been wanting to post about this and finally feel like I need some advice! History- My brother met his best friend in college almost ten years ago. I have known the best friend for almost 6 years now. We are all very close. We hang out weekly. Over the years I have developed feelings for the best friend, CJ. We have become close on our own and will text each other and have inside jokes. We are so much alike and our sense of humor is exactly the same. We have a lot of respect for each other and have a great friendship. These feelings have been growing the past 2 years. Every now and then I will get the urge or something will take place that will make me go crazy because I have no idea if he is interested in me like that. We flirt all of the time. In most cases I am really good at reading people but he confuses me- for instance: I have built up the courage to put myself out there a few times (nothing crazy) but in a text or something that I say in person that is hinting toward a more flirtatious/sexy joke/comment, whatever, than our usual flirting he kind of backs off or gets nervous, not sure which. Also, he doesn't flirt or even really talk much with me when we are alone. It is kind of uncomfortable to be around him when we are alone. But when we are around other people he is the CJ that I really like. Also, another big thing (since reading things online, driving myself crazy) that he always does is whenever he makes a joke or comment he ALWAYS looks at me first and smiles to see if I am laughing. I don't want to be blunt with him and tell him my feelings because I don't want to ruin our friendship if he doesn't feel the same way. Does it sound like he likes me and is getting nervous? My big brother is pretty protective of me so this might have something to do with it, or he just doesn't think that I would go for him. Or is he really not interested? Wow that was really long! Sorry! Thanks for your help!
preraph Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Your brother will likely have a cow if you two get together. Because it forces him against his will to think of his sister in a sexual context. It would be like you walking in on your grandparents doing it. He knows it would bother your brother. The person who will know the most about this is your brother. He knows you both. Unless you have the maturity to sit him down and pour a couple drinks down him and say "How would you feel about making ___ a part of the family?" then probably any other course of action is going to be even messier than this one. But hey, you never know. If he really loves the guy and doesn't need him for a wingman anymore chasing women, he might be okay having him for a brother-in-law. But I would caution you to respect whatever your brother has to say about the "suitability" of his friend because he knows better than anyone what he's capable of, whether he plays women, whether he lies to women, whether he's a serial cheater. So if he says "HEELLLLLLLL, no, I'll kill him," better leave it be. 1
Author daisylady03 Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 Your brother will likely have a cow if you two get together. Because it forces him against his will to think of his sister in a sexual context. It would be like you walking in on your grandparents doing it. He knows it would bother your brother. The person who will know the most about this is your brother. He knows you both. Unless you have the maturity to sit him down and pour a couple drinks down him and say "How would you feel about making ___ a part of the family?" then probably any other course of action is going to be even messier than this one. But hey, you never know. If he really loves the guy and doesn't need him for a wingman anymore chasing women, he might be okay having him for a brother-in-law. But I would caution you to respect whatever your brother has to say about the "suitability" of his friend because he knows better than anyone what he's capable of, whether he plays women, whether he lies to women, whether he's a serial cheater. So if he says "HEELLLLLLLL, no, I'll kill him," better leave it be. haha I wish we were at the point of his approval. I am still wondering if CJ shares the same feelings. Is there any way to test the waters without being so blunt?
Author daisylady03 Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 From a guys point of view- Does his behavior seem like he is interested?
wb1988 Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 I'll just say that I've never had a friend with a sister that I didn't want to hook up with. But what you've said only makes it clear that he knows the issue of him being your brothers best friend. His behaviour is him making sure that things are platonic but that doesn't mean that he is or isn't interested in you.
Author daisylady03 Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 I'll just say that I've never had a friend with a sister that I didn't want to hook up with. But what you've said only makes it clear that he knows the issue of him being your brothers best friend. His behaviour is him making sure that things are platonic but that doesn't mean that he is or isn't interested in you. Bummer. I still would hope that he will take initiative into starting something up. Thanks for the response!
Foretold Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Hi daisylady, Positives I see you mentioned: you've known each other for 6 years, you hang out weekly, you both joke with each other (humor is good) Negative: you hope he will take the initiative. So...he hasn't taken the initiative in 6 years? What's going on there? I strongly suggest not waiting. Why? Because someone else could take him off the market or something else may happen and you never know how great your love could be, if you never admit you like him. Life is short. So here's the thing: romance is about action. If you like the guy, maybe he's oblivious, maybe he likes you too, maybe he doesn't like you that way. Only one clear way to find out. Talk to him. Do it with the one-on-one setting though. Something like "So CJ...I really like you...as more than a friend. What do you think?" Be prepared for him to reciprocate, reject, or do something in the middle. For example, "I...I'm shocked. I had no idea. I need some time to think about this." Then you can say, "Ok, that's fine - I'm fine with that. How about we get back to this in a week?" And you check in on how he feels about you as more than a friend, in a week.
wb1988 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Actually now that I think about it I think you should drop the idea, he'll probably never go for it. This situation is different but I just remembered a friend 'Guy A' many years ago that broke up with his gf, and then one of his friends 'Guy B' started going out with guy a's ex. Guy A first noticed something when guy B unfriended him on Facebook and long story short the guy B lost so many inner circle friends just for dating that ex. If a guy hooks up with his best friend's sister the he will almost definitely get beef from everyone and not only will there likely be an end to the relationship with his best friend but also other friends as well. It's like robbing a bank and being on the run for the rest of life and not even knowing if the cash has been marked — only stupid people do it.
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