Hardtofocus Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Hey All, First time poster here, but i have been browsing the forums for a few days trying to deal with the situation. Bit of a back story, my girlfriend and I broke up on Sunday after 7 years of a relationship. I didn't take it well. Nothing aggressive or anything like that, just got upset. I couldn't hide the fact that this was hard to swallow. The week leading up to the breakup we had a talk agreeing that we would take a month apart to focus on ourselves and fix any personal issues we had and try again. 2 days into this, she text me saying "I can't ignore you for a month, how are you?". I responded to it and we spoke most of that week. Then, we met on Sunday, We didn't really plan to, we just got talking and it happened. She felt the spark was gone, but said she felt it for a while. Naturally I tried to convince her we could work on it but no luck. This isn't a really bad break up as neither of us did too much wrong but i am really struggling to focus on anything else. When i got home i had a text "Hope you got home ok". I didn't respond and i left it for a while where i got another text telling me that, "I hope your ok, And also, we never really gave it that month. " I agreed and said i guess we didn't. She text again "Well in a months time, once we have sorted out our own worries and problems we can meet again and go on a date. But as single people. Nothing to do with the previous relationship. And see how it goes." I was a little hesitant to say much back, but i did. "I appreciate that, but i don't really want false hope at this point". She informed me that it was nothing to do with false hope, that it is something she would like to try. From there i explained, Ok we can do that, but for now i need time to focus on myself and i think it's best if we don't communicate for a while. She agreed, and that's where it's at now. I know it probably reads like a post that's been here 100 times, but i am struggling to focus on anything else. We were extremely close throughout the 7 years, I would have to agree that the spark did go out but i felt it was something to fight for, considering how well we got on for so long. This is probably the first time in my life that I've wanted something to really work out.I've been in other relationships but nothing felt like this. So I've been hitting the gym each day for the last week (during the 'break' too) and trying my hardest to focus on me. Correct issues i have personally and so on. Which IS something i have neglected. But realistically, is there any hope of this working out?
marcelo.santos Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Well.. its to early to say if it will work out or not - from one point of view, it is a really long relationship - but for other point of view she looks a bit hesitant when she agrees with a 1 month break but when she tells something to date as friend she looks really determined in moving on at least at this time. "we can meet again and go on a date. But as single people." - in other words: "I will try a new life, but stand right here as my plan B." So, you dont know what is coming but the big chance here looks that is something permanent - assume that is permanent and in the worst of the possibilities you will suffer for less time - in other words be a "pessimist". So, being a pessimist about your gf means that its all over: Invest in yourself, continue going to the Gym, make 2 new friends, kiss another girl, go full NC. Full NC: The important now is to avoid all breadcrumbs your gf is doing - stop thinking in her and think in your self: Block her and move on.
Author Hardtofocus Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 Hi Marcelo, Thanks for taking the time to read through it. I guess it's just a hard pill to swallow. Something that had so many positives to end like this. I guess i just needed to vent my concerns. Time really does stand still at times like this!
sabd Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 So there wasn't a big blow up and nobody really did anything wrong. You've both agreed to end it for now and possibly meet again in a month. Seems to me like there may be a chance for you guys to get back together, if you can find a way to reignite the spark and if she is willing to try as well. Although, a lot can happen in a month and she may well feel differently when the time comes. Your approach to focus on YOU while cutting communication with her for the moment is the right one. 1
Author Hardtofocus Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 Thanks sabd, I guess i just need to focus on me, and change a few things about myself that i feel could be improved upon. Thanks again. 1
Kevin_D Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 I'm sorry, she has met someone else. She loves you as a friend, but is attracted to some other dude. Her plan is to date the other guy for a while, and if it doesn't work out, she will have you as a backup plan. She will say "I was single when I slept with the other guy, so I did nothing wrong.". Now you will say "There isn't somebody else, I'm positive.". But yes, there is. And the sooner you accept it, the sooner you'll be able to move on. Take care. The same thing happened to me a year ago. Please keep us updated on your situation.
mightycpa Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 She felt the spark was gone... We were extremely close throughout the 7 years, I would have to agree that the spark did go out There's your answer, right there. Both of you lost it, and you're just swimming in the loss of a best friend. You have to realize that if there's no spark, no urgency to be with each other, then you're just longing for comfort. Time to get out of the comfort zone, IMO.
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