fluidian Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Ok - I've been out on 7 dates with a girl - the first few were a bit curious, and I wrote about them on this forum. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/516556-what-romantic-platonic Anyhow, things started out a bit slow - no kiss until date 5 (although slept together date 4 - but no kissing or sex), make out session on date 6, sex on date 7...seems to be progressing well. What's curious to me is that she now wants to see me all the time. It went from ~once a week, then after date 4, she all of a sudden seems to always want to see me. To the point where I saw her yesterday (date 7) as a last minute thing, I get a text from her today saying that she wished I could see her (I told her I was busy yesterday - but she's clearly thinking about it - although not applying any real pressure other than stating her interest), I'm seeing her tomorrow, and she's already told me that she's free on Wednesday and Friday - and I'm guessing she's going to want to get together. I don't necessarily have an issue seeing her all of the time - she's cute, fun, and all the rest, but I'm wondering if this level of contact and seeing each other that often is normal and healthy, in particular after only seeing each other only 7 times over the span of a month. In case it matters, I'm 35 and she's 32 - and as far as I know, we're both looking for a long term relationship leading to marriage. I don't see that with her right now, but it's still pretty darn early, so no biggie.
writergal Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 (edited) Ok - I've been out on 7 dates with a girl - the first few were a bit curious, and I wrote about them on this forum. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/516556-what-romantic-platonic Anyhow, things started out a bit slow - no kiss until date 5 (although slept together date 4 - but no kissing or sex), make out session on date 6, sex on date 7...seems to be progressing well. What's curious to me is that she now wants to see me all the time. It went from ~once a week, then after date 4, she all of a sudden seems to always want to see me. To the point where I saw her yesterday (date 7) as a last minute thing, I get a text from her today saying that she wished I could see her (I told her I was busy yesterday - but she's clearly thinking about it - although not applying any real pressure other than stating her interest), I'm seeing her tomorrow, and she's already told me that she's free on Wednesday and Friday - and I'm guessing she's going to want to get together. I don't necessarily have an issue seeing her all of the time - she's cute, fun, and all the rest, but I'm wondering if this level of contact and seeing each other that often is normal and healthy, in particular after only seeing each other only 7 times over the span of a month. In case it matters, I'm 35 and she's 32 - and as far as I know, we're both looking for a long term relationship leading to marriage. I don't see that with her right now, but it's still pretty darn early, so no biggie. Did the sneak into your REM cycle? A little lesson on love for you OP: You do realize that once you sleep with a woman, she'll want to see you all the time. It boils down to brain chemistry reactions in both genders around sex. When you have sex can predetermine the trajection of the connection (I rhyme after midnight forgive me). Do you want to cannon ball this woman into the casual sex zone (better discuss it with her if you do), or do you view her as someone you'd like to risk a long term relationship with good stock, like a shareholder. Not that women should be treated like objects. They shouldn't. After they have sex, women's brain chemistry produces a large amount of that bonding "love drug" chemical, Oxytocin. It's your basic attachment drug for women after sex. After men have sex, totally different story as you know; mens' brains produce a large amount of Dopamine, that "pleasure feeling" drug, and very little Oxytocin. Very little. Like, almost none in comparison. in that way. Some say sex before love is a recipe for disaster. Some say it isn't. Comme ci comme ca. Just be honest with her about your feelings and respect hers. Make sure you're both on the same page now that you've had sex with where this is headed. Edited March 3, 2015 by writergal 1
Buddhist Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Oh dear god. Can this girl do anything right at all? I mean you two had sex, and now you want her to back away and not see you so much even though you are both looking for serious relationships. Honestly, please stop seeing her, you are wasting her time and energy that she could be spending with someone who is actually interested rather than overanalysing every tiny thing she does. You should like a PITA, and she would do well to be rid of you. 5
Ruby Slippers Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Sounds like you're not that into her but she's into you. Every time I've had a relationship with a guy who really liked me, he stepped up the time together relatively quickly. If you don't see real potential, I suspect it's not really there for you. To you, she's "cute and fun". I think she sees you as more than just that. 2
kendahke Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 The sex must have been pretty mediocre for you to have an issue with her wanting to see you more. I'd think you'd be like "yeah!" If she doesn't inspire you like that, then cut her loose and find someone else. That would be fair.
losangelena Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Ok - I've been out on 7 dates with a girl - the first few were a bit curious, and I wrote about them on this forum. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/516556-what-romantic-platonic Anyhow, things started out a bit slow - no kiss until date 5 (although slept together date 4 - but no kissing or sex), make out session on date 6, sex on date 7...seems to be progressing well. What's curious to me is that she now wants to see me all the time. It went from ~once a week, then after date 4, she all of a sudden seems to always want to see me. To the point where I saw her yesterday (date 7) as a last minute thing, I get a text from her today saying that she wished I could see her (I told her I was busy yesterday - but she's clearly thinking about it - although not applying any real pressure other than stating her interest), I'm seeing her tomorrow, and she's already told me that she's free on Wednesday and Friday - and I'm guessing she's going to want to get together. I don't necessarily have an issue seeing her all of the time - she's cute, fun, and all the rest, but I'm wondering if this level of contact and seeing each other that often is normal and healthy, in particular after only seeing each other only 7 times over the span of a month. In case it matters, I'm 35 and she's 32 - and as far as I know, we're both looking for a long term relationship leading to marriage. I don't see that with her right now, but it's still pretty darn early, so no biggie. I agree with Buddhist—it seems like this girl can't do anything right. First she's too slow and now that you've slept together, she's going too fast. But what exactly has she done, other than express interest in seeing you (oh, the horror)? Again, I'm not hearing much about what YOU want to do. Just because she's free on Wednesday and Friday doesn't mean you're obligated to give her your time. Tell her you'll take her out for a date on Friday and leave it at that—say you're looking forward to seeing her and that you hope she has a good week. If she raises a stink, then it's an issue. OP, you sound like you have trouble enjoying the present. Stop analyzing every little thing this woman does and enjoy the time you spend with her. Who knows if she's going to turn clingy. 2
Gary S Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 She's falling in love with you. You did not think this was a possibility in dating?!
Author fluidian Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 Ok everyone - I get the impression that either I miscommunicated the situation or my position/interest. I'll be honest, other than an awkward 2-3 dates, I'm sincerely enjoying everything and definitely want to see her more often. I haven't gone through this part of dating for a while, so I was just more curious about whether this type of behavior is typical, in particular because I had dated a very clingy girl at some point and I'd like to avoid it if possible. I don't see any issues with the situation - it's fun, I look forward to seeing her, she's clearly interested and wants to see me (which is mutual), she's giving me more-or-less everything I'd want in early dating...I'm pretty happy about it all. That said, yes, I should probably stop analyzing, but I certainly don't have any issues enjoying the moment...
EgoJoe Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 It's pretty standard escalation. She probably held out longer than she wanted to with sex for the sake of modesty. You did well in the sack and she's in her thirties. She's going to attach to you now. You either let it happen or stop it. Her communication style leads me to believe she has some self awareness and will not be any more clingy than the next one. Stop attacking the guy for asking questions.
rester Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 I don't understand the backlash here either, although I didn't read the OP's other thread. I can understand his concerns. He's been on 7 dates with this woman, and she wants to see him both Wed and Fri after already seeing him on Monday? That would be a lot for me. I wouldn't say it's clingy, but it's still a lot of time. It's almost 50% of the week. I honestly don't understand how some people have time to date like this. What about friends and other obligations? Do people give that up after only a couple months of dating someone? My advice would be to not put aside other obligations for this woman, and see her when you want to see her. If that's three times a week, great. If it's too much for you, don't agree to it.
katiegrl Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 I think the OP's behavior is standard fare and pretty typical actually. He's been pursuing her for awhile... *finally* she responds and wants more of him.... while HE's like ... uh oh now what? LOL It's just the typical dance couples do...while on their way to getting closer and developing a relationship. Nothing to worry about... IMO
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 You're telling us that you're attracted to this girl, enjoying her company, things are progressing well and in the right direction AND you're BOTH looking for a long term relationship... I'm sorry, what's the problem again? Is she being too clingy? My guess is she's gotten to that point where she's realizing how much she's into you and therefore wants to spend more time with you. Is that really such a bad thing? Unless you're missing a lock of your hair that suddenly is hanging from a locket around her neck or she went out and bought a wedding dress and ordered wedding invitations to your impending wedding...I think you're fine. It's all fine not to mention very normal. Geez. 2
Author fluidian Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 I think the OP's behavior is standard fare and pretty typical actually. He's been pursuing her for awhile... *finally* she responds and wants more of him.... while HE's like ... uh oh now what? LOL It's just the typical dance couples do...while on their way to getting closer and developing a relationship. Nothing to worry about... IMO Katie, That's about right for the first 3-4 dates it was, "what the heck is going on", then it was like a switch flipped and she's instantly all in. It was never quite like that with people I've dated in the past, so it threw me back a bit and made me curious about what I could be in store for.
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