kendahke Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 I wasn't on him at all .. he said he & his ex fought alot idk if he's taking past things and putting it on me He probably is. His ex being pregnant is messing with his head and girls wanting relationships with him are at the bottom of his priority list. There is a level of expectation that comes with relationships and he sounds like he doesn't want to meet anyone's expectations right now. 1
Author ad0rable Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 I dunno know Leigh...fear of intimacy and commitment IS a very "real" fear in our society today...and it has nothing to do with meeting the "right" woman. For these guys (and girls)...there is no "right" person....maybe at first sure! But eventually they will always find something wrong. And the closer they get and deeper his feeling get, that's when the fear rears its ugly head....panic sets in and they're off and running...often times with some dumb excuse like the OP's boyfriend did. Or in many cases NO excuse at all...they just disappear! He doesn't want to answer to anyone...and ALL women are like that? Really?? When the OP did nothing but give the guy space and freedom to come and go? Come on. Fear of intimacy and commitment is very real...just as real as fear of heights, fear of flying or any other fear. It's triggers a fight or flight response, usually flight. It paralyzes a person and causes a tremendous amount of anxiety. And the only way to alleviate that feeling is to end the relationship, again most times for the dumbest reasons. They usually return though, after the relationship has been over for awhile and the anxiety subsides. That's when they start missing the woman, and want to return. There have been threads on this board created by men talking about this very thing! Yes it's VERY real! I agree he will come back when he's ready when I told him i'm moving on since I wasnt getting anywhere with him his answer was "you can't handle being friends with someone" my response was "not with someone I like as more than a friend because you will end up dating other girls & i'll get screwed" his only response was "I see" I feel like he wants to keep me around because deep down he knows i'm good
Author ad0rable Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 He's clearly not interested despite what he says. He's trying to let you down easy. It may be that he's not particular looking for a relationship. I doubt that's all there is to it, though, or the relationship wouldn't have become so one-sided. He mentioned wanting to entertain himself with other girls. He's probably meeting new people since he finds it more interesting than speaking to a girl he's already been out with a few times. You were somebody new for him to talk to at one point. Now he wants to move on. Forget about him. He's not going to change his mind. he never said anything about seeing other girls
Author ad0rable Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 sometimes, women are each other's worst enemies... He doesn't want a girlfriend; more to the point: he doesn't want you as a girlfriend. His preference, to which he is entitled. He doesn't want to answer to someone and already from what you've posted, you're demanding he answer to you. It's no wonder he's sent a polar vortex your way. wanting to know if I was wasting my time or not is demanding answers
CrystalShine2011 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 It sounds like he is preoccupied...I would just give him space and keep searching for good guys. 1
stillafool Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I can't imagine only dating someone 3 times and then wanting a relationship. You don't even really know him yet. If I just got out of a 5 year relationship I wouldn't want to settle down again for a while. He told you he wasn't looking for a relationship so why did you pressure him? You should have accepted what he said and if that didn't suit you move on to someone who is looking for what you are.
Author ad0rable Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 I can't imagine only dating someone 3 times and then wanting a relationship. You don't even really know him yet. If I just got out of a 5 year relationship I wouldn't want to settle down again for a while. He told you he wasn't looking for a relationship so why did you pressure him? You should have accepted what he said and if that didn't suit you move on to someone who is looking for what you are. I just wanted to know if he liked me! I told him we can DATE but I don't like dating more than one guy at a time i'm more of a relationship person I didn't say to him "oh i like you wanna be my boyfriend?"
stillafool Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Obviously he liked you or he wouldn't have asked you out. BTW, this guy isn't a jerk because he is not ready to settle down yet. He is right to take his time after getting out of a 5 year relationship. 1
stillafool Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Why would you say to him you know he's not interested when obviously he was interested enough to ask you out? What was that about?
h0000 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I feel like he wants to keep me around because deep down he knows i'm good errr...he wants to keep you around because he knows you are easy(It's lot easier to keep you than start all new with other girls )... Look he will try whatever to keep you there as an option (better than having nothing right?) and if you let him, great . If not he will move on. Interested or not, it's not black and white. He IS interested, enough to ask you out but not enough to commit to you
Author ad0rable Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 errr...he wants to keep you around because he knows you are easy(It's lot easier to keep you than start all new with other girls )... Look he will try whatever to keep you there as an option (better than having nothing right?) and if you let him, great . If not he will move on. Interested or not, it's not black and white. He IS interested, enough to ask you out but not enough to commit to you easy? I didn't do anything sexual with him at all
h0000 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 easy? I didn't do anything sexual with him at all I don't mean that kind of easy. But relatively. Getting things from you will be a lot easier than getting from a new girl. And if he were about to have sex, it would be a lot more likely with you (since you already like him) than a complete new girl (he needs to put effort talking to her asking her out all over again and she might not even like him)
Author ad0rable Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 I don't mean that kind of easy. But relatively. Getting things from you will be a lot easier than getting from a new girl. And if he were about to have sex, it would be a lot more likely with you (since you already like him) than a complete new girl (he needs to put effort talking to her asking her out all over again and she might not even like him) pshhh he's gonna have to put effort in with me too!
stillafool Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 easy? I didn't do anything sexual with him at all This is good because it will be easier for you to move on to someone who wants a relationship now the way you do.
h0000 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I don't know what you try to achieve here..Fact is he doesn't not want to be your bf. Fact is he is messaging other girls on Tinder. Fact is he will go on dates with them and probably have sex with them. Fact is you are probably hard work and he can't be bothered working hard on you. Maybe your ego got hurt is that why it's so hard to let go? You only met him how long? Why so hung up on this
Author ad0rable Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 I don't know what you try to achieve here..Fact is he doesn't not want to be your bf. Fact is he is messaging other girls on Tinder. Fact is he will go on dates with them and probably have sex with them. Fact is you are probably hard work and he can't be bothered working hard on you. Maybe your ego got hurt is that why it's so hard to let go? You only met him how long? Why so hung up on this ehh idk he said he hasn't met anyone off tinder & most of them are robots .. I guess I just get hung up because i'm not attracted to many guys so when I do find one I actually like I fall hard .. we started talking in November but haven't had a date since Dec
h0000 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 ehh idk he said he hasn't met anyone off tinder & most of them are robots .. I guess I just get hung up because i'm not attracted to many guys so when I do find one I actually like I fall hard .. we started talking in November but haven't had a date since Dec Would he tell you "yeah I have hooked up with 3 girls in 3 months I've been on Tinder"? Anyway it is not important. He wants to be single and free. He wanted to date other girls had he met one. I know you feel he can also be free if he dates you but trust me, he won't. You WILL get jealous. You WILL ask him "where were you last night" and he WILL have to answer to you... Unfortunately it wont magically work out because you fall hard. In the end it is your decision. You can still be there when he needed you or cut loose. 1
Author ad0rable Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 Would he tell you "yeah I have hooked up with 3 girls in 3 months I've been on Tinder"? Anyway it is not important. He wants to be single and free. He wanted to date other girls had he met one. I know you feel he can also be free if he dates you but trust me, he won't. You WILL get jealous. You WILL ask him "where were you last night" and he WILL have to answer to you... Unfortunately it wont magically work out because you fall hard. In the end it is your decision. You can still be there when he needed you or cut loose. oh no no lol if he's dating me he's not free I don't play that if he ever comes back & tells me he was dating other girls he can go **** himself
h0000 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 well then that is the problem..he wants freedom and it wont happen if he dates you. I think it tells you what to do now? 1
angel.eyes Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 So three dates and then nothing for 2-3 months? You're doing all the initiating and he's telling you he doesn't want a relationship with you? Unfortunately, both his actions and words are saying he's not looking for anything meaningful with you. How much you like him is totally irrelevant here. Let it go and try to find someone who might reciprocate. This guy doesn't want to...and won't. At some point, you'll have to stop stringing yourself along and just accept that he doesn't want what you want. ehh idk he said he hasn't met anyone off tinder & most of them are robots .. I guess I just get hung up because i'm not attracted to many guys so when I do find one I actually like I fall hard .. we started talking in November but haven't had a date since Dec
Author ad0rable Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 well then that is the problem..he wants freedom and it wont happen if he dates you. I think it tells you what to do now? So three dates and then nothing for 2-3 months? You're doing all the initiating and he's telling you he doesn't want a relationship with you? Unfortunately, both his actions and words are saying he's not looking for anything meaningful with you. How much you like him is totally irrelevant here. Let it go and try to find someone who might reciprocate. This guy doesn't want to...and won't. At some point, you'll have to stop stringing yourself along and just accept that he doesn't want what you want. I know, I havent talked to him in like 10 days i'm done unless he ever texts me just was trying to get some clarity
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I am sorry but this has to be said: MOST men WOULD have a relationship if the right girl came along. When a man says he is NOT ready for a relationship, what it really means is: I am not ready for a relationship WITH YOU, but I WOULD absolutely have a relationship if a girl knocked my socks off! Nearly every man who thinks he doesn't want commitment, ends up committing when the right girl comes along. When the men who really feel averse to commitment melt I they meet the right girl... I don't believe this is true, if a person is not ready for a relationship they are not gonna get their sox knocked off in the first place because they won't be available for it, if that same girl had come along at a different time it might have happened. OP you went on 3 dates with him and he doesn't need to give you any excuses or reasons, he just doesn't want to so move on, I know it feels crappy but don't invest any more emotional energy into this guy ok?
stillafool Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 He was clear when he told you he wasn't looking for a gf now. If he hasn't seen or talked to you in 10 days and you haven't been out with him since Dec he is seeing other girls. You say you won't accept that from him so are you planning on moving on?
Author ad0rable Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 He was clear when he told you he wasn't looking for a gf now. If he hasn't seen or talked to you in 10 days and you haven't been out with him since Dec he is seeing other girls. You say you won't accept that from him so are you planning on moving on? I highly doubt he's seeing other girls & yes I am moving on
MissBee Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Hi guys to make a longish story short (I know i'm gonna forget some details) I went on 3 dates with this guy in November/December .. he knew right away that I liked him but I could tell he had a wall up anyway he's out of a 5 year relationship (I think they broke up a year ago) his now ex is pregnant and engaged already & he says he's over her ANYWAY .. three dates were great then I felt like he started to blow me off a little (helping his cousin with his house/starting/studying for new job) a week goes by no text messages or anything so I tell him he should have just told me he wasnt interested when I asked him he says "it's not that i'm not interested I just can't do the gf thing right now" he's not seeing anyone else & he told me he wants to have fun while still in his 20s I said so that means you want to hook up with random girls and he said "no having fun doesn't mean having sex or hanging out with sluts" he just can't deal with having to answer to anyone right now .. haven't heard from him in a week but last we spoke (i'm always the one initiating contact which i am no longer doing) he asked if I had a valentine & if i was still on tinder .. so whats his deal? do you think he started getting feelings and ran away or he's BSing me? There's not really any mystery here and it pains me when sometimes we as women try to read mystery into something not mysterious. You went on three dates, I don't think that was enough to warrant you interrogating him about if he was going to sleep around and all of that. At 3 dates you are not a couple and if he says he doesn't want a gf, you have to just accept it at face value. He doesn't want a gf or at least not you. Whatever the reason is, believe him and move on from him. 3 dates isn't enough to care deeply about what he chooses to do after. Just know he's not where you are and it doesn't make sense to puzzle yourself over why not. 2
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