xxoo Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 And he also told me: "ok baby, I'm not sure what can I give you but I'm gonna latch onto you" I'm gonna latch onto you. Riight. In which ways he's grabbing me and don't let me go??? I just don't get this. He's setting me free as a bird if no text in 5 days. You two are mirroring each other. You both say things that sound good, but then you act all sketchy and weird. Both of you. You love him? How well do you even know him? Look at actions, not words. First you must act normally, and then you evaluate his actions. It starts with you.
Winterina Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Oh dear... You said I love you to each other??? Do you people even know what love means? Whatever it means it certainly does not mean meeting someone online and knowing him for few weeks and not having the slightest clue what he might be like as a person, what is in his heart and mind, etc. This is hardly being in love, let alone love... Reading your post is like listening to a little kid "I wanna pee...but I don't wanna pee... " i.e. I love him but I'm afraid of getting hurt. Boohoo... Nobody in the whole universe felt like that ever... except for everyone all the time. 2
katiegrl Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 (edited) irresolure.... whatever it's worth I agree with you. If he was serious about wanting to have relationship with you.....and only you... (he did tell you he "loved" you after all -- whether he meant it or not is anyone's guess)...he would be doing everything he can to break your walls down....convince you to trust him. He KNOWS how you feel. NOT ignoring you for five days and logging onto dating websites three times a day! Jeez! And come on guys since when did a chick not responding back to a text ever discourage a guy .... when he's really into her! irresolute, I'm sorry but he sounds like a bit of a player. Yes he likes you, and if you were more responsive, he'd want to continue dating/having sex with you. But being that you are NOT responsive, and scared, etc., he doesn't care to put forth more effort ... and is perfectly content to chase other women and let you go. Don't text him! If you did, sure no doubt he'd make another date with you...but that's just cause YOU initiated.....just like you did last time!!! Edited March 3, 2015 by katiegrl
Author irresolute Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 irresolure.... whatever it's worth I agree with you. If he was serious about wanting to have relationship with you.....and only you... (he did tell you he "loved" you after all -- whether he meant it or not is anyone's guess)...he would be doing everything he can to break your walls down....convince you to trust him. He KNOWS how you feel. NOT ignoring you for five days and logging onto dating websites three times a day! Jeez! And come on guys since when did a chick not responding back to a text ever discourage a guy .... when he's really into her! irresolute, I'm sorry but he sounds like a bit of a player. Yes he likes you, and if you were more responsive, he'd want to continue dating/having sex with you. But being that you are NOT responsive, and scared, etc., he doesn't care to put forth more effort ... and is perfectly content to chase other women and let you go. Don't text him! If you did, sure no doubt he'd make another date with you...but that's just cause YOU initiated.....just like you did last time!!! God.. Thanks for this!!! Exactly. What the hell, I'm done with all this. I'm still online on adult friend finder ( yes, that's the place for highly unavailable people like me) and he's online on pof. For me, this is done and I'm not initiating. God, one text unanswered and my fears of relationships are enough for him not to text in five days??? Really???
Author irresolute Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 Plus a Valentine's gift in his kitchen plus him hiding me on the street??? Really??? And it's me the flake. Right
ExpatInItaly Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Plus a Valentine's gift in his kitchen plus him hiding me on the street??? Really??? And it's me the flake. Right So consider it over and move on with your life.
Author irresolute Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 Gezz that's the most difficult thing for me. To move on. I've slmost spent two years trying to move on from someone and now again. What should I tell him if he contacts me again? His idea of a loving relationship really sucks, I mean if he thinks I'm ok with no contact for 5 days and him active on dating sites he must be thinking I'm an idiot. I'll show him I don't care just logging in myself in adult friend finder, and not because I want sex, but to help me move on from this. I'm so very confused right now. And crushed. Never thought this was going to go that far as to say I love you, I miss you and then disappear. What a creep.
Author irresolute Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 Can't be, guys. Honestly. He seemed so real, this can't be happening.
Author irresolute Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 I've known him since October but we got more "serious" (if serious could be considered at this point) since January or February I lost track since so much happened lately.
Author irresolute Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 Can't be that he's scared of texting? He also told me last Sunday had some important event and I never texted him to see how it went. It's true he's logging in and logging out from both pof and adult friend finder, like he's checking if someone is online or not, he really doesn't spend more than 2 minutes... My concern is that he might be interested in someone else besides me, because otherwise there's no point on checking it out all the time. And that floral arrangement in his kitchen... But can't be!!! We spent hours and days texting!! The things he said, the look in his eyes, his body language...can't be!!! Omg I'm so really sad right now...
xxoo Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 As easy as it is to get excited about the rush of a new relationship, it's important to SLOW DOWN and see how it develops over time. Expectations based on early excitement too often become disappointments. This is why people learn to delay things like saying "ILY", and sex, until the relationship has solidified a bit. No games, just giving it some time and getting to know him, without investment until he's earned it.
Author irresolute Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 Very true. I'm in a dilemma right now. Whether to pursue him or not. I know everything that one chases runs away, but I know that this guy is highly insecure, and responds the best when I assure him my feelings. So, at this point I don't really know how to act. He always testes me about how I feel in relation with him. All the time. He's insecure. He might be withdrawing after a very intense week last week as well. Should I give him his space? Should I assure him I still have feelings for him? Should I et him contact me first again?
xxoo Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Very true. I'm in a dilemma right now. Whether to pursue him or not. I know everything that one chases runs away, but I know that this guy is highly insecure, and responds the best when I assure him my feelings. So, at this point I don't really know how to act. He always testes me about how I feel in relation with him. All the time. He's insecure. He might be withdrawing after a very intense week last week as well. Should I give him his space? Should I assure him I still have feelings for him? Should I et him contact me first again? It sounds like he's not someone you should be pursuing. Insecure, playing games, etc. I think you should realize that this guy is not the one, and move on. But if you insist on giving it another chance, just text a simple, "Hey, stranger" and see how he responds. At some point before you sleep with him again, have a very honest conversation about the push/pull, hot/cold and what it is you each want from the other.
h0000 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Am I the only one who thinks you are a bit psycho? You just love the torture. Honestly you should go see a doctor, not a bf
bucktooth Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Very true. I'm in a dilemma right now. Whether to pursue him or not. I know everything that one chases runs away, but I know that this guy is highly insecure, and responds the best when I assure him my feelings. Pot meet kettle. You are just as insecure. So how can he respond positively when you ignore? You even said he had some important situation and you never even followed up. He always testes me about how I feel in relation with him. All the time. He's insecure. How bizarre! If you read it over a few times, you'll realize you're actually talking about yourself. It's so odd you don't see yourself being equally insecure, game playing and paranoid.
CrystalShine2011 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I would try your best to make sure he knows you won't run (right?)
Author irresolute Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 I would try your best to make sure he knows you won't run (right?) what do you mean? I don't undersand...
Author irresolute Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) edited. just deleted my last message as I think I'm over the top right now Edited March 4, 2015 by irresolute
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 You hardly know this guy and never even had an exclusive relationship how hard can it be to let it go, why do you have any expectations of him at all, you said it was just casual?? I don't want to be mean but this is not normal, do you have some girlfriends or your mom or a therapist or somebody you can talk to?? This is worrying to me.
Elias33 Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 I think you have to focus on your own fears in order to function properly working towards a relationship. Especially when things get serious, fear can be immobilizing. Makes sure you look at your own fears not as his. It's really important to see what you do wrong (or not). Only then you know if it is him or not. It's really no time to see who is more scared if you want to get out of this pattern. No time to point fingers. Your wall, that is your focus. I hope you'll find a solution, good luck.
Author irresolute Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) Thank you all. I texted him and he was busy so he said he'll text me later. That was 40 minutes ago. I think I've done my part, if he doesn't text back it's because he is not into me. The end Edited March 4, 2015 by irresolute
ExpatInItaly Posted March 4, 2015 Posted March 4, 2015 Thank you all. I texted him and he was busy so he said he'll text me later. That was 40 minutes ago. I think I've done my part, if he doesn't text back it's because he is not into me. The end You're probably right. I think he was, but he's losing interest in you. I dated a man like you a couple years ago. Let me just say I got bored really quickly of the games and silly obstacle course he put me through trying to get him to open up. We'd been seeing each about the same length of time. It wasn't enough for me to invest any more and there wasn't a foundation. I too lost interest and started seeing other people. The writing was on the wall: I could continue to try to get this guy to respond to me, or I could stop wasting my time. I am grateful I stopped putting in the effort when I was getting so little in return. That is not love. You shot yourself in the foot, OP. P.S. Do you work? Do you have an active social circle? I'm asking because I think you need some healthy distractions so that you're not obsessively checking his online activity. You seem to have become fixated on him and it's very unhealthy.
Author irresolute Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 It's over. He told me he's not in love with me. I'm deleting all his crap now. Heartbroken.
Author irresolute Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 He told me he's not ready for a relationship, he wanted to keep seeing me but as something casual. I said no and I told him I was blocking him, wich I did. Everything is gone, texts, pictures, everything. He told me: you're still my brat. I said no, not anymore. Over forever and I don't let this to make me feel depressed again. I have tons of things to do. Not dating for a long time
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