Girls that are bad at communication

[Thaddius]

I've met a girl recently where we've been on a few dates and shes really receptive, positive and just good company in general. The only thing is that shes very bad at communication. Shes the type of girl that I would maybe trade texts with once or twice a day or sometimes in 2-3 days. She also doesn't always pick up phone calls (I make maybe like 2 times a week). But when she does pick up my phone calls or does reply to my texts, they're usually really positive and engaging to an extent. Shes also been open to dates and generally physically receptive too so I would assume shes interested. I just don't know how to handle the low communications back and forth because it also comes off as uninterested at times.

 

She has mentioned that shes generally pretty busy and horrible at texting and I can understand that since I'm very busy all week too but I still make time to shoot texts here and there and generally do a pretty good job keeping communication open with people.

 

Any insight, wisdom, input that can shed some light or tips on how to handle these types of people?

Edited March 2, 2015 by Thaddius

[GTR King]

When dating a girl they are usually happy that you have texted them & will reply usually within an hour (Sometimes more if they are busy) as the are usually on there phone all the time..

 

I don't see how hard it can be to just send a quick text.

 

If she is still meeting up with you and her texts are not short then you are fine.

 

Just keep at it

[losangelena]

I've met a girl recently where we've been on a few dates and shes really receptive, positive and just good company in general. The only thing is that shes very bad at communication. Shes the type of girl that I would maybe trade texts with once or twice a day or sometimes in 2-3 days. She also doesn't always pick up phone calls (I make maybe like 2 times a week). But when she does pick up my phone calls or does reply to my texts, they're usually really positive and engaging to an extent. Shes also been open to dates and generally physically receptive too so I would assume shes interested. I just don't know how to handle the low communications back and forth because it also comes off as uninterested at times.

 

She has mentioned that shes generally pretty busy and horrible at texting and I can understand that since I'm very busy all week too but I still make time to shoot texts here and there and generally do a pretty good job keeping communication open with people.

 

Any insight, wisdom, input that can shed some light or tips on how to handle these types of people?

 

Well, the simple answer is if you want to date someone who is more communicative, then this is not the girl for you.

 

But, I'm curious to know a few things. First, do you want to communicate more than you are? Have you expressed that to her? Also, for what reason do you want more communication—is it because you want to talk to her more, or because it would prove to you that she's interested?

 

My boyfriend is not a great texter. Same as you, I read it as a sign of disinterest for a long time. For me though, I wanted to hear from him more because I felt insecure in the relationship, and the thing that I thought would prove his interest was more texting (never mind all the other things he did to show his interest). Anyway, the more I got to know him, the more I realized that I was off the mark in terms of interpreting what this behavior or that behavior meant. He is just simply not a champion texter. Maybe that means he's lazy or clueless, but it doesn't mean he doesn't care.

 

Once I figured that out, and grew more secure with the idea of "us" and that he wasn't just going to flake, the amount of communication I need between dates dropped considerably, and quite frankly, I'm happy to not have to be texting someone all day. He's on my mind, but it a pleasant way, not an, "oh no, when am I going to hear from him again?" kind of way.

 

So, if I were you, I'd get square on WHY more communication is important to you. Tell her that, see how she responds and if she improves. If she doesn't, move along to someone to whom you're better suited. Or just stick it out.

[Thaddius]

Well, the simple answer is if you want to date someone who is more communicative, then this is not the girl for you.

 

But, I'm curious to know a few things. First, do you want to communicate more than you are? Have you expressed that to her? Also, for what reason do you want more communication—is it because you want to talk to her more, or because it would prove to you that she's interested?

 

My boyfriend is not a great texter. Same as you, I read it as a sign of disinterest for a long time. For me though, I wanted to hear from him more because I felt insecure in the relationship, and the thing that I thought would prove his interest was more texting (never mind all the other things he did to show his interest). Anyway, the more I got to know him, the more I realized that I was off the mark in terms of interpreting what this behavior or that behavior meant. He is just simply not a champion texter. Maybe that means he's lazy or clueless, but it doesn't mean he doesn't care.

 

Once I figured that out, and grew more secure with the idea of "us" and that he wasn't just going to flake, the amount of communication I need between dates dropped considerably, and quite frankly, I'm happy to not have to be texting someone all day. He's on my mind, but it a pleasant way, not an, "oh no, when am I going to hear from him again?" kind of way.

 

So, if I were you, I'd get square on WHY more communication is important to you. Tell her that, see how she responds and if she improves. If she doesn't, move along to someone to whom you're better suited. Or just stick it out.

 

I think you bring up good points, definitely things I've considered.

 

I want more communication from her because I really do enjoy her company and I enjoy talking to her. We both have busy schedules so we see each other maybe once every week or two so when we don't have time to meet in person I'd like to talk to her more through text or whatever. But there is definitely a part of me that wants the validation too of knowing that shes interested in me. I generally do pretty well with the ladies and am somewhat used to having girls shoot me texts so this is a little off putting and I almost don't know how respond because it almost feels like shes playing games with me but shes seems very sincere in person.

 

And no, I have not voiced this to her yet because I've only known her for about 3 weeks and we're not anything exclusive so I don't feel like I have the right to ask her of things like this yet. Also, because of the fact that I get attention from woman, I've realized that I have also seem to develop commitment issues and because of that I'm also scared of taking deep commitments and naturally I would feel horrible stringing a girl on thinking I'm in it for long term when I'm not.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Don't worry about having to be in constant contact via text/phone. Just use it mostly as a means of setting up dates, and some occasional banter. Know when to let the convo drop off.

 

I saw a girl last Monday and we texted back and forth very lightly afterwards, and go a couple days at a time without texting each other. We're seeing each other again on Friday.

[losangelena]

Well, if it's only been three weeks, it could very well mean that she's still in the mode of letting you initiate. I know this is matter of hot debate on LS, but for the most part, women, especially young women, have been socialized to wait for the man to reach out. So I wouldn't read too much into her not reaching out to you more often or in a timely manner. At this point of getting to know each other, I think one or two texts a day isn't unreasonable. You just met; y'all don't have to be all up in each others' faces at this point.

 

Just roll with it. I'm sure everything's alright.

[EgoJoe]

Stay away from texting for now if she's not a heavy texter.

 

 

Call and if she doesn't answer, drop a text or voicemail saying call me.

[GTR King]

The 1st few weeks texting shouldn't be a big deal but if's 2 months or more then you should just ask her and see how things go

[BikerAccnt]

My Girlfreind is a pretty lousy communicator. In person she's fine, and clearly into me (we've been going out a year so I hope so!).

 

Anyway, she sucks at responding to texts, sometimes doesn't return my calls, and can be a royal pain to get a hold of. That said, I've grown more comfortable with it as I realize it's just the way she is. She's working 3 jobs! One full time, and 2 part time to help pay for her daughters college. So, I really do understand.

 

It also can make you feel very low on the priority list. And you know what, I am. Over work, daughter, new granddaughter, and other issues..well, life can throw you curves.

 

You're very early in the relationship. I'd just roll with it and see how things progress. This just may be her style, and you have to decide if it's something you can live with.

[Foretold]

Hey Thaddius,

 

I have a closely similar situation to you at the moment. I've been seeing someone for over 2 months and she doesn't exactly talk much in terms of text and email. For a long time in that timespan, I started wondering if she was disinterested, losing interest, or if I was messing things up.

 

I've come to find out she has parents, many relatives, friends, her career, her car, as well as other personal priorities she puts before me. And that's fine with me . She also grew up as an only child and only children grew up typically in a pattern where they are incredibly independent, so constant contact with someone may just be overwhelming for them.

 

I'd say look at the bottom line - if she is accepting dates to see you and is physically open, that's the most important thing. That means she is still interested in seeing you!