lolita88 Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 Hi all! I have serious doubt about where I am in my relationship. Here is the summary We have been together for 2 years. We have been sleeping EVERY NIGHT, for the past 16 months. I go to my house every change of season just to pick up new season clothes, meaning every 3 months or so. I have 70% of my stuff in his apartment. He is 35 years, so, in pretty much age to decide whom to spend his life with. Despite this, and despite sleeping every night, he is not sure about moving in together. It makes me feel so insecure in his arms, why would you sleep every night with someone for 16 months, but be uncertain if moving together, but still want to continue in the relationship. Its new york, we both would benefit from the rent being lower and our lives would be so much easier. However, like an old player and frat boy, he is a commitment phobe. He is the most wonderful person to me, 100% supportive, kind, generous, great lover etc etc, and we have a very mature relationship with great communication and almost zero fights. However, it terrifies me he has no b***s to jump into this. How would you feel with all this situation? Ps: he wants to head to a new country in about a year, I am foreigner and I am making papers to stay in the u.s. I have told him I could also make arrangements to go to he country he wants to go. He is not very sure wheter he wants to take me there......... But still wants to be with me and doesnt want to break up. Ps 2: My visa expires in 8 months and I have to return to my country of origin, and he has no intention whatsoever in helping me out with this. Im not greatly affected by this, Im too romantic to marry just for a visa, but still It does hurt that he doesnt care I leave. After writting all this I realize how nonsense is my relationship, still.... Its really hard to break up when you get along so well. We have tried previously but then 2 weeks pass by and we miss each other to death and just want to go back together. We both feel we love each other so much , we have talked about this million times, and he says that he want to keep trying and doesnt want to break up... his commitment phoby will just ruin us in the end. Any thoughts?
d0nnivain Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 You have your answers if you simply re-read your Q. They aren't the ones you want but you are not a priority for him & may never be. Enjoy what you have until your visa is up & he decides to move to another country if you like but know your relationship has an expiration date. Spend some more nights at your own apartment to make the transition easier. 1
xinaxxsdertf Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 you need to give him some space. maybe go back to your own place for a while. you can still contact him if you need but its unhealthy to stay with him while hes not sure if he truly wants you or not. you need to give him a lot of space so he can see what life is like without you. let him know you need full commitment or nothing at all otherwise he will use you as comfort until he leaves and then just be done with you and leave you brokenhearted. You are sending yourself down a road to getting very hurt if he does choose to leave you. so give him a taste of what its like to not have you anymore. He will eventually click and realize he either needs you or he doesnt. Dont be his doormat until he is ready to leave you. You may miss him when you go back to your place but its either that or stay with him and you will never ever feel secure about the relationship. So do something about it now before its too late. Theres nothing wrong with wanting full commitment, if he doesnt see you in his future then he doesnt deserve you in the present.
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