acapelo_dp Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 Some of you probably already know my story already. My ex of a year and a half broke up 9 days ago, have been in NC since. You can read my old thread to see the while story but basically we wanted different things in life. Wasn't the best relationship. I have been spending these 9 days busy - going out with my friends a lot. I feel a lot better since keeping busy and have been meeting new people while out which is nice (girls and guys). I signed up for okcupid a few days ago and have been talking to one really nice guy. He is 31 (I'm 24) he has a good Mon-Friday job and is very intelligent and interested in talking with me daily. He has been fun getting to know the past couple days. Anyways, he asked me on a date and we are meeting up tonight. Just going for a casual dinner and a drink or two. Anyways, I am not looking to jump into a relationship at ALL. I just want to get to know someone as I am not over my ex in just 9 days. Do you think its wrong to put yourself out there and meet new people in such a short amount of time? Just looking to meet new people. But I also feel bad about it for some reason?
badpenny Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 It is, if the guy has no idea he's a rebound, or that you have no intention of becoming serious, intimate, friendly or committed - particularly if that IS what he's seeking. I take it you make 'friendship only, no relationship' clear on your OK profile....? 1
mightycpa Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 There's nothing wrong with it at all. What would be wrong is if you blow this up into a relationship where there's nothing really there, unless you know that he doesn't care that much either. Keep it light and spread your dating around without really getting involved, and it might actually be good for you.
Vintage79 Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 I don't see anything intrinsically wrong with it. To really know, though, you have to ask yourself how traumatic the break-up was. If it was effectively a non-event, you were effectively broken up a while ago, if it was emotionally trying, it's pretty easy to argue that it's too early to start seeing other people.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 No - you might not be READY for a serious relationship yet, but there's honestly nothing better than going out on dates with other women to get over that one girl.
veggirl Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 I think you should be up front about how long you've been single. I would never knowingly date a guy only NINE DAYS out of a relationship and I'd be REALLY annoyed if he wasted my time on a date w/o telling me prior. 2
d0nnivain Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 It's not wrong but it isn't the best idea either. You aren't ready & you are going to give somebody a false sense of hope that you like them when really you simply don't want to be alone. Using them as a rebound will hurt them. 1
Author acapelo_dp Posted March 2, 2015 Author Posted March 2, 2015 I think you should be up front about how long you've been single. I would never knowingly date a guy only NINE DAYS out of a relationship and I'd be REALLY annoyed if he wasted my time on a date w/o telling me prior. He knows, I've told him. 1
rester Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 I think you should be up front about how long you've been single. I would never knowingly date a guy only NINE DAYS out of a relationship and I'd be REALLY annoyed if he wasted my time on a date w/o telling me prior. He knows, I've told him. I don't think it's wrong, but I was going to say what veggirl said. I wouldn't knowingly pursue a woman that is only 9 days out of a long relationship. I'd be cautious that this guy is only after easy sex. Not saying he definitely is, but I could see that being a reason he would pursue a woman that is so freshly out of a relationship. Depends what you yourself are looking to get out of dating this early, I suppose. I would personally prefer to enjoy my life for awhile without clouding it up with dating.
Author acapelo_dp Posted March 2, 2015 Author Posted March 2, 2015 It's not wrong but it isn't the best idea either. You aren't ready & you are going to give somebody a false sense of hope that you like them when really you simply don't want to be alone. Using them as a rebound will hurt them. I'm not going to give him the false idea that I am ready for a relationship right now. He knows my situation. I'm also not looking for a hook up. When my ex and I broke up 9 days ago, we had been having troubles for a month before that deciding if we should break it off or not and I was checking out of the relationship long before it ended. I just want to meet new people and see where it takes me. Go with the flow.
Author acapelo_dp Posted March 2, 2015 Author Posted March 2, 2015 I don't think it's wrong, but I was going to say what veggirl said. I wouldn't knowingly pursue a woman that is only 9 days out of a long relationship. I'd be cautious that this guy is only after easy sex. Not saying he definitely is, but I could see that being a reason he would pursue a woman that is so freshly out of a relationship. Depends what you yourself are looking to get out of dating this early, I suppose. I would personally prefer to enjoy my life for awhile without clouding it up with dating. I was pretty clear to him that I am not looking for sex and he has said the same. Whether that is true or not, I will find that out eventually. In the meantime I plan on meeting other people as well, or at least just chatting with others and going out living my life.
d0nnivain Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 Since you have been straightforward about it, go ahead. I hope it helps you find peace & closure from your last relationship.
Author acapelo_dp Posted March 3, 2015 Author Posted March 3, 2015 Since you have been straightforward about it, go ahead. I hope it helps you find peace & closure from your last relationship. Thank you I have a feeling I will. Well, the date went extremely well. We went and had some pizza and a couple drinks and we talked for three hours. Very comfortable around him...we discussed family, hobbies, school, etc and he asked me to go to brunch with him on Sunday afternoon. Initially I walked to meet him at the place we were going (he drove and it was close to me) because he said since it was the first date and we haven't met he didn't want to pick my up from my place. But he happily offered to drive me home after the date. He got out of the car, gave me a big hug and then kissed me. It was a nice date and I can see myself hanging out with him again. I did definitely make it clear I am not looking for a serious relationship, but to slowly get back into dating. He agreed that taking things slow is best (if we even start hanging out more again). Makes me open my eyes that there are other guys out there who are kind. Today is my ex's birthday and I have no urge to even message him a "Happy Birthday" staying NC.
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