Let's make a list of reason's why people break up and argue over the most hurtful

[kittenhead]

OK-- I've been going back and forth with my BF. To me cheating is the worst thing one can do to the other--but he considers that a slap in the face. He thinks the worst thing you can do to someone is not be there for him/her.

 

So, what do you think is worse and what are other reasons people break up?

[HoldOn]

The worst action you can do to your partner is.... whatever your partner thinks is the worst. It is the other person's feelings that count, not yours.

 

 

Anyway, I think if you went out and cheated on your bf, he'd think it was more than a "slap in the face". That would end the debate. If he really doesn't mind, then he's not in love.

 

 

What does that mean, anyway "not be there for him/her." What? Not answer the phone or something?

[Mr Spock]

Sorry, but I'm chuckling to myself. Your boyfriend has picked the thing he feels that you did wrong (not being there for him) and is making it the WORST issue. That's what he's doing.

 

 

If you had accidentally spilled wine (or blood, or whatever) on his favourite T shirt, pillow, carpet, car, (whatever) the worst thing would be "not RESPECTING his property, thusly not respecting him"

 

 

Get the gist of the issue?

[HoldOn]

Your boyfriend has picked the thing he feels that you did wrong (not being there for him) and is making it the WORST issue. That's what he's doing.

 

You're right, Spock. Duh!

 

So, I repeat my advice then. Go out and cheat on him, then ask him if that's the worst thing or not...

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by kittenhead

OK-- I've been going back and forth with my BF. To me cheating is the worst thing one can do to the other--but he considers that a slap in the face. He thinks the worst thing you can do to someone is not be there for him/her.

 

So, what do you think is worse and what are other reasons people break up?

 

Cheating can be pretty bad, but IMO abandonment or being made to feel like an unwelcome obligation is far worse. Cheating is when he puts you out of mind for someone else. Abandonment is when he doesn't need an excuse to.

 

Broken relationships from cheating at least have a chance of being repaired. When someone falls out of love with you and you are nothing more to them than something that causes guilt and are associated with nothing more than bleak obligation - there's no fixing that.

 

I was broken up with over the latter. Knowing that you love someone and they see you like a big anchor dragging them down over nothing more than the fact that you love them - that was painful.

[djones]

I think breaking up without a good reason hurts the most when you think everything is going well and then out of the blue they break up with you, when they say its b/c of bad timing (when is a good time to meet someone?)......this hurts the most, b/c it leaves you wondering why and why did you do wrong when you just gave them your all.

 

I agree with LucreziaBoriga with cheating you can atleast justify it was not you and you can resolve your feelings more quicker b/c there is something to be angry with and justify that this person is not worthy of you if they cheat on you or you can forgive them.

[gs121]

Yeah, I agree too...

For the past few weeks, I have been wondering why I was dumped for the reason she gave, not in love with me,etc and been analyzing the whole relationship from the start... I would of rather find out she was cheating on me, so I can let her go faster and end it sooner...sigh..

oh well..

[westernxer]

I think people break up because...

 

And...

 

The worst is when...

 

There you have it.

[djones]

Thats the reason why most of us are here, most of the relationships dont end by cheating....they end for the other reasons mentioned by the posters here. It those reasons that cause torment, sadness, asking why me?, what did I do wrong?, how come I did not see it earlier? and other things that goes through your mind. All of these cause so much harm to you mentaly and physicaly. How many people have we all read here on LS say they dont eat, cant sleep and all the other emontial distresses that comes from a break up. Its a long and painfull process that takes months and sometimes years for some people. I wish all my break ups were b/c of cheating....so I would not have to go through this crap...

[BrotherAaron]

The worst has gotta be getting cheated on and abandoned without a reason

 

How's this for an answer when I wanted to know if she at least felt bad...

 

"Well, almost. I thought about it right before. Then I thought 'It will be fun. I'm supposed to be having fun in college. **** it'". Then she left me saying that she loved me, but she just wanted to have fun for a while. She left me and has been seeing the guy she cheated on me with... but she says "I don't like him that much. He calls me, I don't call him." Great... three years and she left me to spend time with a BOY TOY who isn't even very attractive and she doesn't like?? WTF??

 

I guess what I'm getting at is that you can be betrayed, belittled, and abandoned all at once. Not only was she not there for me, she cheated on me. Then, once she realized how fun hooking up with random people might be, I was just an unwelcome obstacle. "I'm not even upset we broke up" she tells me. Oh, and when I didn't want to be her "friend", she tells me that I "have serious issues" and that I "need to learn how to handle" my "girlie feelings"

 

Maybe there is no one thing that they do... it's when they do all these things come in a nice little exploding package.

 

Oh well, NC worked for me... when I she asked why I didn't answer my phone and I told her it was because I have caller ID and I'm not stupid, it hit her like a ton of bricks: I am not here for her anymore. Since that she's been nothing but devastated about losing me, would you believe it? It's too bad for her, too, because - like I said - I'm not stupid. I've met quite a few girls I like (4:1 girl/guy ratio at my school ) I've got some rapidly healing wounds and a few new ladies to help me nurse them back to health. If she can be so heartless, I can return the favor.

 

Cheating sucks. What it comes down to, though, is that when the greatest thing you can give -- love -- is turned into something worthless and troublesome, it's going to feel like ****. You expect somebody who you cared for and cared for you for so long to at least do as much as they can to not hurt you. Nothing sucks like being hurt because the other person just doesn't care.

 

Oh - and the worse something hurts, the shorter amount of time it hurts for. She ****ed me, seriously. It hurt like nothing else... but I didn't waste my time sitting around wishing that she'd come back. She'd never make it back to 'friends'. It's too bad, too, because I really liked this one. I'm glad I know better.

[Mr Spock]

It would be better understood the original posters point if someone linked to her other thread. I'm lazy, so I'm not going to do it.

[Merin]

I think any time a relationship ends regardless of the reason given or in some instances not given it's painful..

 

People break up for a variety of reasons..

 

1) Cheating.. one or both have strayed, it's betrayl and hard to over come

2) One or both are freaks of nature and seriously nobody can stand them.. uh.. LOL C'mon it happens!

3) A lot of couples (especially if they were/are married) will break up over Money or lack of.. it just brings a lot of stress to relationships..

4) Outside pressure from Family or Friends who perhaps don't like your SO.. while it isn't right.. it does happen

5) The grass is greener deal.. when they've been together for awhile and start to think they can do better

6) They get bored and don't want to find a way to make things better..

7) Then those are those who break up constantly only to make up again.. Jeez I hate ppl like this.. they drive me crazy.. it gets old hearing the same story and trying to find sympathy after awhile.. I think they just like the drama of it..

 

There are a million other reasons I'm sure..

 

Bottomline.. I don't know if one is "worse" than another.. It hurts regardless.

[Conundrum]

Brother,

You take the cup on this one.

 

LucreziaBorgia,

Your words never cease to amaze me.

 

When someone falls out of love with you and you are nothing more to them than something that causes guilt and are associated with nothing more than bleak obligation-

 

This too is how I was broken up with. But in a dark twisted way, this is my revenge - knowing that I will be a stitch in someone's side causing guilt. All middle fingers up to my ex.