His ex girlfriend called and now he's deciding between me and her?

[idoltree]

Thank you for the kind words I really haven't decided what I'm doing. The stonewalling is me distancing myself. To protect myself. My anger hasn't gone away though, it's just grown stronger.

 

I also don't feel like I should respond to his texts, because I don't feel like he deserves to have his cake and eat it too--he doesn't get the comfort of hearing from me, like everything is fine, while he makes this decision. I'm not going to hold his hand and coddle him while he figures out what he wants. It's time for him to be a man. I'm sure he's been on the phone with her (he loves the phone). If anything--and maybe this is a stretch--I think my silence while I figure out what to do, may make him miss me. But then again maybe not: I didn't get a good morning text this morning. I know he's back at work today, for the first time in over a week--this last week he's been on vacation--visiting friends, snowboarding at different mountains, and driving through scenic Colorado. Now it's back to at least short term reality for him.

 

Thankfully, I ended up not driving out yesterday. That won't be for a couple more days. I'm trying to not make my decision before I get home. But I feel like this is a lose-lose situation.

 

Take some deep breaths. I don't see how any of this is lose-lose. You mom told you she was in the same position as he was and she chose your Dad. Was your Dad in a lose-lose? Doesn't seem like it from here!

 

I understand that you have a great deal emotionally invested in how this turns out, but from an outsider perspective, it's been a month and he's not your boyfriend. Understand that I am not invalidating your experience or telling you that you are wrong; I am just opining that your anger - and the fact that it is growing - is somewhat out of place in this scenario.

 

Have you been angry at another guy recently? Felt let down? I'd make sure you're not bringing that anger into this.

 

Your anger isn't protecting you so much as it is keeping you from feeling vulnerable. A little anger is okay, but recognize that you're feeling it because you're frustrated and scared, not because you've suffered severe wrongdoing by this guy. It sounds like you might understand that a bit, but I just want you to understand that feeling anger does not mean you've been wronged. There are so many other things that could be feeding the anger.

 

With that said, I do like your "going dark" approach that you've chosen thus far. You do understand that you risk not hearing from him again with this approach, though? He seems to be a bit of an emotional decision maker, and may not continue to contact you in light of perceived rejection.

[LifeandPerseverance]

Have you been angry at another guy recently? Felt let down? I'd make sure you're not bringing that anger into this.

 

Your anger isn't protecting you so much as it is keeping you from feeling vulnerable.

Maybe? I got rejected by a guy in November. I had a male friend who relentless hit on me all fall then flake out on seeing me over winter break (made me disgusted with him, but I didn't think it was that big of deal?). And I got jilted by a guy I'd been talking to for 4 months back in July (but it wasn't a relationship, and to his credit at least he was honest about it when the day came he felt nothing). Previous to that, I got cheated on and beat up by my then-boyfriend, two years ago (and yes, I went through a year of counseling afterwards which I will be forever grateful for). And I haven't had a relationship since. THIS guy knows about what happened with my ex back then. I have a guard up, and I keep it up, for good reason.

 

 

With that said, I do like your "going dark" approach that you've chosen thus far. You do understand that you risk not hearing from him again with this approach, though? He seems to be a bit of an emotional decision maker, and may not continue to contact you in light of perceived rejection.

I hadn't thought about this approach risking not hearing from him again. Maybe I've never experienced that emotional of decision maker? I know for me, if I REALLY wanted to talk to someone, I'd at least try to call them. I wouldn't give up so easily. Edited March 3, 2015 by LifeandPerseverance

[LifeandPerseverance]

I never heard from him, at all yesterday. I really started thinking what idoltree had said last night. I got very drunk when I came home. I still refrained from texting him back. Then I woke up abruptly at 3 am, and couldn't take it anymore. Laid there. 2 hours later, I couldn't stand it anymore. I texted him. Not my proudest moment. Probably one of my weakest moments in my own opinion.

 

 

If he is a such a "emotional decision maker" and a "feeler" and runs so high on emotions..I decided to give him something emotionally charged of my own: Our last date, we drove up to the mountains to the ski resort. That was his first time ever being there. And we took a picture together, with my phone--He took the picture. And I've had that in the pics on my phone. He's been in and out of data range for the last couple weeks (read: we've been able to text and call our brains out, but not so much for picture messaging), and I've never mentioned this pic to him (unless he remembers it from when we took it). In it, we look happy, because well, we ARE happy.

 

 

Anyways, I sent him the photo. And under it I texted:

"And now, I can't sleep. Again.

It's not that you haven't been on my mind. Not an hour has gone by that you haven't crossed my mind. But I've been protecting myself the only way I know how.

I miss the guy who picked me up on his back at [insert ski resort here]. Who forgot ice at Sam's club. Who moved from table to table with me at frozen yogurt while we talked for over 3 hours on our first date. Who looked up at the stars with me one night at the Lake. Who I saved the cookie for (yes--I made really cool cookies before valentines day and saved him one). Who told me about his lucky birthmark and saw mine.

I miss the guy who took this picture. So text me in the morning."

 

 

This is probably the most emotionally charged, unattractive thing I've ever texted someone. All the things mentioned in the text are little snippets of some of my favorite things from our dates.

I know what you're thinking: Why did OP go to college for a science degree when she is obviously such a gifted writer?! HAH.

But seriously. I FEEL like I looked desperate. But I am not patient. And the window of opportunity before I write him off is closing quickly. I can't feel restless like this all week.

Edited March 4, 2015 by LifeandPerseverance

[Zahara]

This is probably the most emotionally charged, unattractive thing I've ever texted someone. All the things mentioned in the text are little snippets of some of my favorite things from our dates.

I know what you're thinking: Why did OP go to college for a science degree when she is obviously such a gifted writer?! HAH.

 

But seriously. I FEEL like I looked desperate. But I am not patient. And the window of opportunity before I write him off is closing quickly. I can't feel restless like this all week.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's difficult to always do the "right thing" when you're emotionally driven. Besides, there's no right or wrong, if anything this will further provide you with more insight into where things are going and how to proceed. I think stonewalling only leaves you in limbo and with tremendous anxiety. I don't think you are even sitting there rationally deciding your next steps but moreso stressed and worried about what HE is going to do. With this, whatever his response you can decide what path to take. Just don't leave your fate in his hands. At some point, you need to make that decision.

 

Just know that even if you walked away today, if he felt so drawn and attached to you and realized you're the one he wants, he will come for you. You don't have to sit and wait around for him, while investing your time and emotions on uncertainty.

[LifeandPerseverance]

With this, whatever his response you can decide what path to take. Just don't leave your fate in his hands. At some point, you need to make that decision.

 

That's the bad part..I don't think there's going to be a response. It's now 8 AM there. I'd assume he's at the office by now (I could be TOTALLY wrong. He could not even be awake yet). The text is marked "delivered", and he SHOULD be in an area with data--all of that gibberish for I KNOW HE GOT IT. AND READ IT. And no reply.

 

 

And I think that's ****ty. If he's made a decision or not, be a man and inform me. Don't hide and never reply.

[Zahara]

That's the bad part..I don't think there's going to be a response. It's now 8 AM there. I'd assume he's at the office by now (I could be TOTALLY wrong. He could not even be awake yet). The text is marked "delivered", and he SHOULD be in an area with data--all of that gibberish for I KNOW HE GOT IT. AND READ IT. And no reply.

 

 

And I think that's ****ty. If he's made a decision or not, be a man and inform me. Don't hide and never reply.

 

I won't tell you to calm down because I know you are anxious. Try to give it a little more time. It could be that he received it and doesn't know how to deal with those emotions that you presented to him. Or he doesn't know what to say and is formulating a response. I don't think he's even made a decision and is likely not sure what to do. Or he just hasn't read it. The thing with him is that he has two women that are giving him attention so he's in a calmer position, with a lesser sense of urgency. She's there waiting for him, you're there waiting for him.

[katiegrl]

Well...for whatever it's worth, I think you would have stood a better chance of him missing you, and ultimately choosing you, had you remained upbeat, responsive and cool.

 

Neither chasing him NOR pulling totally away and ignoring him as you chose to do.

 

Instead simply pulling back a bit, allowing him his space to decide, while still remaining responsive to his texts in a calm, cool and collected manner.

 

As has been said previously, you had just started dating, this was not a "relationship.". As such, in this early stage of getting to know each other, the ability to be flexible and adapt to unforeseen circumstances without "losing it" is of the utmost importance here. And trust me, he IS paying attention to how you have responded to this new twist..VERY close attention.

 

With respect, I realize you feel anxious but it was (is) completely unfair of you to burden HIM with YOUR neurosis. It's okay to feel anxious and insecure, but for the love of all things beautiful, keep all that to yourself. He shouldn't have to deal with that.

 

Interjecting all this unnecessary drama into this situation is not helping your cause girl! Try and calm down.

 

After reading this thread, I really don't think he's done anything wrong here. To the contrary he was open and honest with you, and if you were that unhappy, uncomfortable and felt so rejected, you should have calmly advised him that under the circumstances you weren't comfortable going forward and wished him well.

 

NOT become angry at him, punish him by ignoring him, and allowing your own EGO to control you and over-ride all rational thought!

 

Not sure what will happen here...but if chooses to go with her now, it wouldn't surprise me.

[blueskyday]

Of course you feel anxiety. Anyone would in this situation. So, don't worry about the text. I would think it would endear you to the right guy.

 

Now, you aren't powerless. He can do whatever he wants, and so can you. Clearly state your boundaries. You have every right to be with a guy who is crazy about you and would tell a reappearing ex to get lost.

 

You also have every right to hang in there until he has some time to get clearer about who he wants to be with. He's not so sure about her, or he would have broken it off with you right away.

 

I agree that he is being a bit of a cake eater here. Sometimes our greatest power is to say No, as in "I don't agree to hang around while you consider your options. I don't compete with women. Take your time to think about things if you need to. You have the right to do that, but I also have the right to say No, that's not making me feel secure and excited about us. I'm not so sure about you anymore. "

 

It's called a takeaway. Take his security away since he changed the terms. But really, my rule is that I don't compete with other women.

 

I once dated a guy who said he had a lot of women after him, and asked me what I was going to do to win him. He pointed out that some women had made him dinner, or baked him cookies.

 

"What would I do?" I repeated back to him. Then I simply walked away from him, saying nothing. He hounded me for months but I wanted nothing to do with anyone so crass.

 

I also don't explain disrespect to people. Not saying he disrespected you. I give him points for honesty, but I do think he could have simply thought about it privately for a day or two before telling you his final decision. If he decided on you, then he could have moved on with you, feeling stronger about you.

 

Or if he had decided on her, he could have just broken things off with you. This leaving you hanging isn't very nice. If you want to, tell him to take the time to figure things out and then call you. Do let him know you aren't wanting any contact with him until then.

 

Then go live. Don't let him keep what he has with you. He has lost you until further notice. And you might not want him anyway. Your call. Just don't allow yourself to be demoted to some lady in waiting. You deserve better than that.

Edited March 4, 2015 by blueskyday

[katiegrl]

Of course you feel anxiety. Anyone would in this situation. So, don't worry about the text. I would think it would endear you to the right guy.

 

Now, you aren't powerless. He can do whatever he wants, and so can you. Clearly state your boundaries. You have every right to be with a guy who is crazy about you and would tell a reappearing ex to get lost.

 

You also have every right to hang in there until he has some time to get clearer about who he wants to be with. He's not so sure about her, or he would have broken it off with you right away.

 

I agree that he is being a bit of a cake eater here. Sometimes our greatest power is to say No, as in "I don't agree to hang around while you consider your options.

 

I don't compete with women. Take your time to think about things if you need to. You have the right to do that, but I also have the right to say No, that's not making me feel secure and excited about us. I'm not so sure about you anymore. "

 

It's called a takeaway. Take his security away since he changed the terms. But really, my rule is that I don't compete with other women.

 

I once dated a guy who said he had a lot of women after him, and asked me what I was going to do to win him. He pointed out that some women had made him dinner, or baked him cookies.

 

"What would I do?" I repeated back to him. Then I simply walked away from him, saying nothing. He hounded me for months but I wanted nothing to do with anyone so crass.

 

I also don't explain disrespect to people. Not saying he disrespected you. I give him points for honesty, but I do think he could have simply thought about it privately for a day or two before telling you. If he decided for you, then he could have moved on with you feeling strongly about you.

 

Or if he had decided on her, he could have just broken things off with you. Leaving you hanging isn't very nice. If you want to, tell him to take the time to figure things out and then call you. But let him know you aren't wanting any contact with him until then.

 

Then go live. Don't let him keep what he has with you. He has lost you until further notice. And you might not want him anyway. Your call. Just don't allow yourself to be demoted to some lady in waiting. You deserve better than that.

 

You think he should have kept it to himself and not told her he started communicating with his ex again and was "considering" getting back together with her? Really?

 

Wow, just wow. Guy is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.

 

Cause had he NOT told her...but informed her down the road that he was going back to the ex and had been talking to her and considering it for awhile, all while leading the OP to believe "they" were moving forward in a relationship... no doubt he would be deemed a total douchebag and a$$hat...which he would be, had he chosen to NOT disclose this to her until after the fact.

 

Wow!

[blueskyday]

Yeah, I see your point. I only mean that he could have thought about it for a day or two. No longer. No need to prolong things. And he shouldn't be talking with the ex anyway past her initial contact--not if he was dating OP exclusively.

Edited March 4, 2015 by blueskyday

[LifeandPerseverance]

It's over. He called.

He at first was like, "Can I call you after I get off work and explain my choice?" And I replied, "No, because I don't want to wonder all day. Just tell me the abbreviated version now."

 

He told me he's still talking to her, but he definitely doesn't think things will work out with her--but the point, he is still talking to her. Then he told me he's decided to pursue NEITHER of us. He says quote, "Because this made me realize I'm not over her. And that is not fair to you. I don't feel like I can have a relationship with you if I'm not over this. I'm probably going to be single for a really long time after this."

 

I want to say that's all legitimate. I want to say it makes sense. But some insecure little voice inside of me screams: "if he was EVER REALLY INTO YOU he could have gotten over it with you!" But I don't think that's reality? I think that's me being insecure.

I now understand he got on tinder for a rebound girl. He didn't think the ex would come knocking. I feel played--maybe I haven't been, but I still feel like that. I feel like if he's genuinely felt like this all along, hes really fooled me, and must of lied about being into me at all. They only dated for a month and a half. I've always heard it takes half the time you were with someone, to get over them--that means that come Martin Luther King Day, he should have been over it. I feel scammed. I asked him once if he's ever been in love. He said only once, and it was in college with a girl he was with for a long time. If he wasn't in love with this 6 week ex, what THE HELL WAS THE DEAL? Was the sex THAT great?

 

I asked him not two weeks ago, when he mentioned an ex during a story, if he was over it--and if not, to tell me then, and I would understand. I was being honest. THE COMMENT I GOT: "No, I'm completely over it. You have absolutely nothing to worry about."

 

I need to get pointers from this girl. Maybe she could write a book? I told him that--I need to get tips from this girl. How to screw guys for the long haul.

 

I'm rejected. And yeah, it was only a month wasted, but I am hurt. Mostly because now I'm scared--this one seemed the most trustworthy of ANY GUY I've EVER met. EVER. This was the definition of a "NICE GUY". And if he was able to pull this off? He was able to fool me--then what the hell does that say about the rest of them?!

 

 

It is now time to delete him on facebook today, and block his phone number.

Honestly..I'm curious if 6 months from now otherwise I'd get a text, "Oh hey..." You know--after he's "recovered". And I don't have the energy for that.

Edited March 4, 2015 by LifeandPerseverance

[Versacehottie]

Well...for whatever it's worth, I think you would have stood a better chance of him missing you, and ultimately choosing you, had you remained upbeat, responsive and cool.

 

Neither chasing him NOR pulling totally away and ignoring him as you chose to do.

 

Instead simply pulling back a bit, allowing him his space to decide, while still remaining responsive to his texts in a calm, cool and collected manner.

 

 

This ^^^ 100%. but what's done is done. dont beat yourself up at all. next time he contacts you, remain calm, cool and breezy. like he is a bit of a joke with his drama. you gotta turn it around. i can't think of a good idea right now but basically you need to do the same with your momentary lapse of seriousness when you sent him the photo and words with. Like downplay it. But don't beat yourself up. Get your confidence back right now. Ps i think you didn't hear from him bc you just UP'd the stakes by being serious so now he doesn't know what to do because if he responds its like he is agreeing to choose you and that level of seriousness. Plus no sense of urgency to respond because he knows he has you. Get your confidence back. If you have to use the anger to remind yourself that he would be so lucky to have someone like you and you can do better, than do that. hang in there.

[Versacehottie]

oh no!!! i'm sorry. hang in there.

[blueskyday]

I'm sorry, too. Glad he was honest and didn't leave you hanging any longer. Sounds like he is trying to do the right thing. But I know it hurts.

 

You are awesome and this has nothing to do with that fact. He just needs to work things out in his own head. Stuff he probably didn't even know he needed to address. And you need a guy who has his stuff already worked out, and ready for a relationship.

 

Hugs.

[sunshine2]

One month is not enough time to really know someone at all! I wouldn't beat yourself up over this feeling like you thought he was a nice guy. You don't know that he really is/was. And yea, him still being attached to a 6 week relationship seems a bit odd to me. It usually takes more then that for a man to get attached. I would love to know what her "secret" is too!

 

And as Im sure others have said, you need to take your time and get to know someone before getting attached. I learned this the hard way as I do get attached quickly and Im working on NOT doing that until Im sure we are both on the same page.

 

I always say that you really don't know someone until around 1 year into dating. My X BF didn't show his true colors till around 1 year and thats when I realized that he was lying to me a lot. Things didn't add up and I started to see that after the rose colored glasses came off. He was a charmer and fun to be with, but lots of things were going on that I did not realize.

 

Hang in there! Be happy that you found out now and not 6 months or longer in. You will feel better soon Im sure of it.

[Zahara]

I'm sorry, LP. Well, you got your answer and now you can close that door. I know you are hurt and you feel betrayed but thank god this happened a month into it.

[katiegrl]

I am sorry you feel hurt, but I still think had you "played your cards" right ... and remained upbeat, cool, calm, collected, and FLEXIBLE..... instead of interjecting all your negativity (anger, resentment, bruised ego, punishment tactics) into the situation..... he might have chosen to continue pursuing YOU.

 

Not saying this to make you feel bad_ ... only as a lesson learned. Again, it's okay to feel anxious and insecure and needy .... just be careful NOT to burden the guys you're dating with what amounts to YOUR issues.

 

No doubt he sensed your anger and negative feelings which may have had a bearing in his decision.

 

Again, I am sorry.

Edited March 4, 2015 by katiegrl

[Dybbuk]

I don't know if I agree if "she played her cards right" he might have continued pursuing her. I think this is a classic case of someone believing they were ready to move on when they were not.

 

It doesn't sound like this guy set out to be the 'bad guy'. He was unfortunately the blissfully unaware 'confused guy'. I guess I can say it... because I have regretfully been the person LifeandPerserverance was talking about at one point in my life. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but sometimes when we are hurting after losing someone we were really interested in, we decide we just need to move on and find someone who gives us a similar feeling as the last person did. Sometimes it's not quite the same feeling, but the person is a great person all around so we ignore those cues because it's better than being sad and alone. I learned this lesson once. I hurt a guy who was really great. I was trying to move on after I met one guy who I was really falling for, but after we moved to fast, had sex... he started giving me too many 'wishy washy' signals so I left and decided to meet someone else. That someone else was great, funny, even better than the last guy... but I just wasn't over it. I was licking my wounds and using this guy to heal a bruised ego. Lo' and behold the old guy texted me one night to see how I was doing. It was enough to send me into a tailspin because all these feelings resurfaced and I felt elated hearing from him. Never once did the new guy pop into my mind like: "But you have this wonderful person right here!". When you're emotionally charged you're reckless, foolish and you don't use your brain. Logically I should have told guy #1 not to call and deleted his number, and kept up with guy #2... but not matter what the outcome, guy #2 wouldn't have made the cut because he wasn't the first guy, and never would be.

 

You gotta get over people completely to move on, and when you don't you could be dating the most wonderful and thoughtful person in the wold, and still the slightly less impressive average joe/jane who captured your heart initially just won't vacate your thoughts. It's an awful feeling. Needless to say I called it off with guy #2, and tried to move forward with guy one and it blew up in my face regardless. Karma. I learned from then on, that if I was going to move on I needed to be over that first guy and that took quite some time.

 

OP, I know it's hard because you're hurting and justifiably angry. Don't let anyone tell you that you don't have a right be angry. However just know... that I really don't believe he set out to hurt you like he did. If he had no regard for your feelings he would have decided to 'date both of you' and take advantage of the fact he wasn't exclusive with you just yet. Instead he tried to do the noble thing and be honest. Which is not something that always makes us look like the 'good guy'. He found that out late, and unfortunately hurt someone in the process. I'm sure he learned a valuable lesson as well.

 

Try to move on and learn from this. If someone is fresh out of a relationship then it's probably best to step away or keep your hopes... realistic. I'm not say be a pessimistic. Because one day, if you ever want to find love you'll need to let your guard down. Just don't put someone on a pedestal and say "He was the best I ever met!". You haven't met everybody. You'd never be close to dating a infinitesimal fraction of 'everybody'. And everyone you do meet will have fault and flaws because that's what human beings are. Occasional f**k-ups. *big virtual internet hugs* I really do hope you start feeling better.

[LifeandPerseverance]

he might have chosen to continue pursuing YOU.

Initially when I read this, made me feel pretty crappy. But then I thought about it. Even if he'd picked me, I don't think I'd want to be with him right now, if this is how he is right now. He's not over her. So even if he did elect to keep seeing me, I would just be seeing a guy who is REALLY not over his ex, not healed up at all. And that's not fair to anyone.

 

 

This surreal calm came over me this afternoon. I don't know if it will last, but for now... It's holding.

I really like him. I was beginning to trust him. And things were just starting to get really good. And I was so excited to see him when I get home this week. But the timing was just wrong. Maybe if I'd met him in October, before this ex girlfriend got ahold of him, things would have been different. But I was on the other side of the country at the time.

 

 

It occurred to me today, this isn't personal. My name could be mary sue, and I could be perfect, and he would STILL have this problem, if I were ANYONE BUT that ex. Because this really is a case of "it's not me--it's him". It's not about if he's into me or not. It's about he's hung up on someone else, and even if he was into me, it wouldn't do me justice right now.

Suddenly..This isn't about a guy choosing between 2 girls like some kind of pimp--this is about a guy who has baggage right now.

 

And frankly? I think he just made the most responsible, respectable choice out of the three. I want to hate him for this and I just can't. The only better thing he could have done was stayed off tinder in the first place, and not subjected me to this--but unless he's a big liar, how was he suppose to know he had this hang up, unless the ex came calling, or something else happened to bring it out?

 

 

And I'm so happy if this had to happen, it happened now. Instead of 4 months from now. I'm glad she called him now. I'm glad we didn't find out he had issues from the past he hadn't addressed in like June, after I'd invested so much more in him and would have felt very deceived.

 

 

And now it's time for me to move on. I'm not waiting. Maybe if he's all healed and miraculously comes back to start over months from now it's worth talking. But I'm not holding out for it. It's time to move on. And hopefully meet someone better.

 

 

And I hope he heals. I hope he moves on, and realizes the present can be so much greater than the past if you just let it. He's moving about 200 miles west of me the beginning of April, and will be there, til September. Sitting in the VERY hot sun in a remote and rather isolated place all summer will do him wonders in terms of therapy for himself.

[Gary S]

Any estimates for rebound times are just that - estimates. Nobody can tell you exactly when someone will get over a rebound period.

 

But I don't even think he's on the rebound, he's just screwed up. A six week relationship won't mess somebody up for more than few weeks.

 

In fact, the other women could have just been a made up excuse him? How do you know?

 

At any rate, the bottom line is, he did not love you, so you did the right thing by cutting him loose.

[snowflakes88]

Sort of self-righteous to suggest he needs "healing" and "therapy" because he isn't over this woman. Six weeks is not a particularly long period of time, but who knows what transpired between them during that timeframe? People are humans with human emotions -- not robots. He should have been completely over it by MLK Day based on some arbitrary timeline? I hope you are a little more flexible if you aren't totally over this situation in the next 14 days, according to schedule.

[LifeandPerseverance]

Also--funny side note: Verizon Wireless just sent me a text telling me I've used 75% of my minutes for the month. That has only happened ONCE before in al my years with Verizon. This guy has a different carrier. I just logged onto my VZW account--it lists all the calls/minutes. According to this, our first ever phone call was 3 weeks ago today. I've spent 718 minutes on the phone with him in the last 3 weeks (not including anything since sunday). That equals out to just under 12 hours. And about 10 hours of that of that has been just in the last 10 days. Could this be why I'm so bothered about this and it's only been a month?

And yes--he made 99% of those calls himself--I'd never called him first until Friday afternoon, for the first time. I think I've called him a total of 4 times.

[Leigh 87]

My friend met her boyfriend just after he broke off his engagement.

 

He was out clubbing looking to get laid.

 

From the day they met he was really into her. She is beautiful and also - they just got along so well.

 

After a month together he was smitten, head over heels and there is no way he could even consider other women.

 

There WILL Be guys out there ^^^ who feel this way about YOU.

 

NOT ALL Men need a month or two before they feel head over heels, crazy about you.

 

You were with a guy who never truly felt that special fire/spark/passion for you to begin with - if he did feel you were one in a million, he would not have needed to "choose"

 

And yes many people do meet their one in a million it just takes a few years yet most people are content with partners who weren't into them enough after a month for them to "fully want" to commit to the one person.Take this as you will - personally, I am not settling for less than what my friend found - a guy who was really into her in the first month.

 

I have had that before ^ and the guy wouldn't have had to "choose" between women, even if a super model came and asked him out; he was sold on me from our first date. There was something special about me and our chemistry to him that made him shut of to other women.

 

I wasn't as into the guy but that is another story.

[Leigh 87]

Sort of self-righteous to suggest he needs "healing" and "therapy" because he isn't over this woman. Six weeks is not a particularly long period of time, but who knows what transpired between them during that timeframe? People are humans with human emotions -- not robots. He should have been completely over it by MLK Day based on some arbitrary timeline? I hope you are a little more flexible if you aren't totally over this situation in the next 14 days, according to schedule.

 

 

 

Exactly..

 

I wasn't even upset after my 10 month relationship ended last year. I just wasn't into him.

 

I have had short lived one month flings that took me longer to deal with, because I had more intense chemistry, emotions and I was just more "into" these men who had the power to upset me the most.

 

My friends bf wasn't that upset over his engagement ending after years with the girl - he wasn't that passionate or crazy about her... Yet with my friend, after just one month, he confessed that he would be just devastated had she left him. They just had more intense chemistry and emotions riding on the other....

 

 

 

 

There is no timeline that we all HAVE to abide by.

 

He clearly felt strongly about the 6 week girl!

 

If he felt as strongly about the OP as my friends bf, OR my ex bf felt about me, he would not have even had to pick between women I tell you.

 

Men CAN and DO fall harder and faster for some women as opposed to others.......

[Leigh 87]

Also--funny side note: Verizon Wireless just sent me a text telling me I've used 75% of my minutes for the month. That has only happened ONCE before in al my years with Verizon. This guy has a different carrier. I just logged onto my VZW account--it lists all the calls/minutes. According to this, our first ever phone call was 3 weeks ago today. I've spent 718 minutes on the phone with him in the last 3 weeks (not including anything since sunday). That equals out to just under 12 hours. And about 10 hours of that of that has been just in the last 10 days. Could this be why I'm so bothered about this and it's only been a month?

And yes--he made 99% of those calls himself--I'd never called him first until Friday afternoon, for the first time. I think I've called him a total of 4 times.

 

 

Dear, I spoke on the phone every night with my recent ex from January.

 

We spoke for an hour or more per night, even though he was Irish and I could not understand half of what he was saying:lmao:

 

I was more crushed over him than I was for my long term exes. I was just more into the Irish guy than the other guys I had been with long term.

 

I don't blame you for being upset. It is not every day us women find a man we are REALLY into.