Dark Passenger Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 Backstory: I developed a friendship with woman that works for the same company as I do but who is based over 1000 miles away. We are both married and love our spouses "but not in love". We started talking at meeting, turned into, texting and phone calls. Eventually we started to express our feelings for each other, met 5-6 times and were intimate. It was amazing and our feelings grew very strong. Unfortunately, we got into a few arguments that made both of us realize that maybe we would not be suited for each other right now. Not enough to end a marriage. Although we are still very much in love, sexually attracted to each other, and care deeply for one another. We decided not not contact each other for a few months to see if we still have any feelings after a break. We also want to see if we can repair our marriages. It's so hard not to contact each other after being in contact every day for the last 9 months. Many, many times a day. Anyone else have this experience? I'm not expecting any sympathy. I know what we did was very wrong.
Popsicle Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 Yes, it's normal in these situation to miss them terribly and go through depression. It will get better in time, but only if you improve your M. 1
MuddyFootprints Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 The 'in love' feeling you are experiencing is unsustainable without a hell of a lot of work being put into it. I've used this example before and I think it applies to how you are planning to manage your situation ...taping the toy box closed for a few months and expecting your marriages to change is completely unrealistic. I think you are both recognizing the fantasy aspect of your relationship, which is commendable, but it does have to end, definitively, for your marriages to heal. That back-burner stuff just keeps the fantasy alive. You have a lot of work to do. 2
Poppy47 Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 If you address what is missing in your marriage, you might be less tempted to cheat again. What triggers you is the attention, sex and intimacy. Any chance you might ever find that spark at home again? I hope you can. Poppy 5
Author Dark Passenger Posted March 2, 2015 Author Posted March 2, 2015 Yes, it's normal in these situation to miss them terribly and go through depression. It will get better in time, but only if you improve your M. Thank you...we're going to try.
Author Dark Passenger Posted March 2, 2015 Author Posted March 2, 2015 The 'in love' feeling you are experiencing is unsustainable without a hell of a lot of work being put into it. I've used this example before and I think it applies to how you are planning to manage your situation ...taping the toy box closed for a few months and expecting your marriages to change is completely unrealistic. I think you are both recognizing the fantasy aspect of your relationship, which is commendable, but it does have to end, definitively, for your marriages to heal. That back-burner stuff just keeps the fantasy alive. You have a lot of work to do. I think you are right about it keeping the fantasy alive. It's almost like having a backup plan but maybe that will hold me back from fully immersing myself in the marriage. Thank you.
Author Dark Passenger Posted March 2, 2015 Author Posted March 2, 2015 If you address what is missing in your marriage, you might be less tempted to cheat again. What triggers you is the attention, sex and intimacy. Any chance you might ever find that spark at home again? I hope you can. Poppy I hope so. It just seems that we have drifted far apart. Any ideas are welcome. We are trying to plan some "dates", watch a movie together, kiss each other goodnight, etc
Author Dark Passenger Posted March 2, 2015 Author Posted March 2, 2015 Has it gotten easier in the last few days? Sometimes. In the mornings, I wake up and think "oh, this is easy." But at night, when I have time to myself, I think about her and the plans we made.
Realist3 Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 Backstory: I developed a friendship with woman that works for the same company as I do but who is based over 1000 miles away. We are both married and love our spouses "but not in love". We started talking at meeting, turned into, texting and phone calls. Eventually we started to express our feelings for each other, met 5-6 times and were intimate. It was amazing and our feelings grew very strong. Unfortunately, we got into a few arguments that made both of us realize that maybe we would not be suited for each other right now. Not enough to end a marriage. Although we are still very much in love, sexually attracted to each other, and care deeply for one another. We decided not not contact each other for a few months to see if we still have any feelings after a break. We also want to see if we can repair our marriages. It's so hard not to contact each other after being in contact every day for the last 9 months. Many, many times a day. Anyone else have this experience? I'm not expecting any sympathy. I know what we did was very wrong. Sounds like you may have pushed these arguments too far for her taste. You might want to reconsider your positions on some of these issues that came between you. If you really do 'love each other', it will come back. Just a word of advice to remember; a married woman doesn't NEED extra drama in her life.
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