Mayfare Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 I feel like I'm dating the greatest guy ever, but lately my heart just isn't into the relationship (which is a big problem because we live together). We've been together about a year and a half and living together for about 7 months. We have been really happy together but recently we took a trip to see his parents, who we don't see often due to distance, and I realized that I really don't fit in with his family at all and I don't see this changing. This is the third time I've seen them/spent days with them and each visit has been worse than the previous. This time, it was like something clicked and all of a sudden I don't see a future with him anymore because I can't stand his family. I have a dysfunctional family myself, and I do NOT want to marry into one. As selfish as that sounds, I know that I want familial support in a relationship and I don't see me getting it with this guy. I feel awful because I would never want someone to date or leave me because of my family, but at the same time, having a happy relationship with my future in-laws is important to me. It's been two months since we visited his family and these feelings haven't faded, they've probably been amplified. I feel like I'm becoming numb to our relationship and depressed about staying with a guy whose family I hate. On the other hand, he is crazy in love with me and sees us ending up together. He knows I don't like his family, but he doesn't know that it's tainted how I view our relationship. Is there anything I can do to fix this? Is there a chance it will pass? Or, is it time to call it quits?
stillafool Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 You say he's crazy in love with you but how do you feel about him? Also what has his parents done to you that makes you hate them?
Aj123 Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 I gotta say that breaking up with someone because you hate their family has got to be the saddest excuse ive ever seen. Your choosing to spend the rest of your life with him, not his family. Ya so you gotta see them every once and a while who cares.... Toughen up chief, everyones family is messed up in their own way, so what makes you think the next guy you find is gonna be any better. The answer is simple if you love him and can see yourself having a future with him then you alrdy know what to do 1
mightycpa Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 So you want to "fix" how you feel about something? It really doesn't matter what we think, or what he thinks. The only thing that matters is what you can live with. The reason doesn't even have to be good. It just has to be good enough for you. I think you were pretty clear, CAPS and all. Do you have the strength of your convictions?
d0nnivain Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 How often does he see / interact with his family? If they lived close by & he hadn't cut the apron strings I could see your reasoning but if they are distant, I'm not sure they are as big of a problem as you think they are.
idoltree Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 I don't think this is about his family. I think this is you looking for reasons to either distance yourself or end the relationship, and his family is a convenient one that he can't argue against or change. Focusing on his family is allowing you the courage to tell yourself that distancing/ending the relationship is the right thing to do. I know this because what you describe doesn't make any sense and I can sense the discomfort amidst all of your justifications. Dig deep - what's the real issue that is causing you discomfort? Sure, the family isn't a great thing, but people don't end relationships over family, unless it is a matter of boundaries and being allowed to interfere. You discuss nothing of that, just that you don't "fit in." Is the real issue within you? Are you scared? Do you fear commitment or intimacy? Do you think there is someone better out there for you? If it's any of these, then you need to seek some therapy to try to sort it out before you turn toward ending the relationship, because if you don't put a great deal of thought into it, it is likely that in time you'll regret ending things. If the issue is something between the two of you, then you need to have a conversation with him and give him an opportunity to fix things before you make a decision to leave him. You need to be 100% honest with him, including telling him that you are considering leaving, so that he knows how serious it is. Then give it some time to see if things improve before making a decision. You seem pretty young, OP. Think long and hard about ending a relationship with a great guy who sees a future with you. Many a young woman have done what you are considering doing, only to wish that they hadn't. At the same time, it's your decision and it is your life. I'm hoping you'll do what is right for you, but that you will be fully candid with yourself and your boyfriend prior to ending things, if that is your choice. 1
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