unforgotten Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 (edited) So I knew this girl for a while before but never said a word to her and we somehow started chatting online. We hit it off right away and we talked into early mornings. She agreed to go out to see a movie with me and have a dinner but has then changed her plans and has agreed to go for a walk instead. We really talked about some personal stuff, she opened up to me and has said she's told me some things she doesn't even talk about with her friends or anyone. But we were flirty all way along. So online everything was great. Than we went for that walk and she basically came up with a prepared talk. She said that she was thinking and has realized she was selfish, that she would love that dinner and a movie and everything and just going out on dates with me and being my"girlfriend" would be a lot of fun but that it would be selfish because she would deceive me into thinking that she would like more but she knows she is not into a relationship right now. She said she'd then just be playing games with me. She said she just doesn't want a relationship and doesn't know when she'll want one. She had two messy breakups, is single for two months and has a FWB ATM that she also doesn't have feelings for. She said I'm really a great guy and I believe that's why her conscience told her not to mess with me and tell me the truth instead (perhaps I'm wrong). She said it'd be a shame if we weren't friends since we got so close so soon. I also know I'm visually appealing to her. Basically I am the whole package for this girl and she doesn't want anything more than being friends. She did admit though that she knows it could happen in the future through friendship but doesn't really want to say it because I'd get my hopes up. How ****ed up is this? And what's sad is I know we'd be hell of a friends if I knew how to keep my emotions on a distance but this is something I have no idea how to do. I am too emotional way too quick. I've never had a close female friend really and maybe my recent breakup is causing me a problem in this area also, what do I know. This girl is really good looking, can get basically any man she wants, intelligent and fun but perhaps just not emotionally available. I don't know how to describe her. Either she is a emotional disaster or she has everything figured out. So she's told me everything I need to know. She said there is no me and you, I was sincere now, you figure out what you want to do and let me know. Well I thought about it for a couple of hours. My logic is as follows. I have feelings for her and apparently she doesn't or she knows how to hold herself back. I don't. I don't want drama in my life and I don't want to be stuck in a place when every time we'd go out I'd look her in the way I shouldn't and miss her when she's gone ****ing other people and having fun. I'm really sad this evening. We'd be great great friends I know it and perhaps down the road something might happen who knows. But I guess the chances are sort of the same if we go our seperate ways. So I texted her a long text, thank her for being sincere, explained myself like I did here and told her I just cannot do it. I'd love to do it but I can't. She has responded that she doesn't know what to say, that she understands me and what I have to do and that she didn't know I'd respond this way since we have only texted each other and that I shouldn't feel sad. Well but I am sad and I feel like crap. This is such a sad situation. I'm sad for the potential relationship but maybe even more for the friendship. Yet another potential gf flushed down the toilet. I'd really love this girl with all my heart. This is so frustrating and this dating scene is draining my energy. I think I'll give myself some serious time off now. Just focus on fitness, my family and friends and my job. How can I handle these disappointments all of the time. You finally get back on your feet and you get hurt again. Maybe I'm an idiot because I'm always too honest but I guess that would be a really lame relationship if the other party doesn't appreciate the way you truly are. Sometimes I really feel I'm born under the unlucky star. Well, another girl in my town I need to avoid now. What do you think of this all? Did I act right? Am I an idiot for not being friends with her? Any advice on how to control my emotions. I'm a mess, always has been and looks like I always will be when it comes to emotions. I fall so quick and I ****s my body so bad. My whole body aches. How the hell can I fall for someone through online chatting, this is not normal. She's right. I shouldn't have any feelings for her, why should I? I saw her a couple of times and talked to her for a week or so and she's already my future gf or what. I'm an idiot and I don't know how to pull myself out of this. I mean, what the hell was she thinking. We'd become **** buddies or something and then she changed her mind because it'd **** me up? Or did she see herself with me but then thought more about it and got scared or what. What the hell? Best to you all! Edited March 2, 2015 by unforgotten
quattrob Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 (edited) She was honest with you that she isn't looking for a serious relationship, in fact she wasn't looking for ANY relationship. So perhaps she knew that you were looking for a serious relationship with her which she couldn't give to you. I give her credit to be honest to you about where she stands. You wouldn't want to deal with her extra baggage that she hasn't dealt with it trust me, I've been there and you think you can help her previous breakup problems that linger in her but you can't, at least not until she can say she's ready now for a relationship again. I think being friends would be too difficult for you since you have feelings for her so I agree with your decision not being friends with her. At least not until your feelings die out.. and if you can find a way to keep your emotions in check that would help too.. maybe like you said focus on other things important in your life and forget about dating for now. It isn't good to fall for someone (you give me the impression that you fall to any girl really easily) too fast without any control. It just scares off girls and they feel pressured. Anyways in the end you just need to find someone that wants what you want. She isn't there yet, so perhaps giving her space away from you can make her think. Try not to think too much, no one did anything wrong. There will be a girl that enters your life when you least expect it, trust me. Edited March 2, 2015 by quattrob 1
sabd Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 Slow the boat down already! You've invested way too much way too soon. You've been for a walk with this girl and you're talking about how much you could love her already "with all your heart"? No, no, no. Step back and control your emotions - you're just going to scare her away, possible for good. Why not be friends with her for now? Get to know her more and set aside your neediness. You could be doing yourself out of a great friendship if you continue with this fantasy. 1
Author unforgotten Posted March 2, 2015 Author Posted March 2, 2015 Hey both of you. Well I realize that! I know exactly that's my biggest problem. I cannot control my emotions. I need to learn that and I don't know how! I get too emotional way too fast with nearly every girl I like. If it clicks for me she'll be all over my head instantly. I guess that's why I can't be friends with my ex as well. I mean, I could go out with a girl just as a friend if I don't see her like that, that would be no problem for me. I talk with cute girls at the gym all the time - I have no feelings for them whatsoever because I can hold myself back. It's true though that it's hard for me to look at a cute girl just as a friend. I'm an idiot and will probably try to flirt with her or if she shows some attention I'll like the feelings I get and will let them take control over me. But in the case like this one I got emotional quickly because well she was giving me a false hope and she's got it all and well then it's all downhill for me from there.
SearchingForMyself Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 A fwb she isn't into...man if I had a dollar. She's into someone else... Drop her. 1
Author unforgotten Posted March 2, 2015 Author Posted March 2, 2015 Man I need to get my **** together somehow. I'm so depressed today it's crazy because of a random chick that has messed up my head. I'm an idiot and I know it.
sabd Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 I'm an idiot and I know it. Firstly, you need to stop talking to/about yourself like this. It's very unkind. She said she just doesn't want a relationship and doesn't know when she'll want one. Secondly, LET IT GO. 1
SearchingForMyself Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 Man I need to get my **** together somehow. I'm so depressed today it's crazy because of a random chick that has messed up my head. I'm an idiot and I know it. dont do it. trust me, same ish happened to me friday. i did the right thing and cut her off. ask yourself what does she bring to the table that you need in your life. If you cant think of anything other than a pretty face and that she seemed into you, move on, more where she came from. The moment you get a scarcity mentality...is the moment you fail at dating. always envision that someone else would be glad to have you, and youll feel much better. 1
Author unforgotten Posted March 2, 2015 Author Posted March 2, 2015 Thanks for the advice. It helped a bit. I need a kind word now and then. My problem is that I KNOW I have serious issues when it comes to emotions. I'd love to be that guy who goes out on parties, flirts with chicks, gets laid and holds his emotions back at the same time but I cannot do it. If I like someone I go insane immediately. I have such a stupid mindset when it comes to girls.
SearchingForMyself Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Thanks for the advice. It helped a bit. I need a kind word now and then. My problem is that I KNOW I have serious issues when it comes to emotions. I'd love to be that guy who goes out on parties, flirts with chicks, gets laid and holds his emotions back at the same time but I cannot do it. If I like someone I go insane immediately. I have such a stupid mindset when it comes to girls. But guess what? youre not that guy, and theres nothing wrong with that. Do you think you need to be that shallow just to validate yourself as a man? I was like you, honestly, so I went on dates with these exact type of women, and let me tell you, no matter how tight my game was, they could see that I wasnt the kind of guys they get with. Your boundaries could use a little work but overall you are you. But if you learn to say no to girls, exercise what youre okay with, and not act so desperate for attention, youll feel better about yourself. Be you, but be you with boundaries
SearchingForMyself Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 go after women who fit you and your preferences. dont chase after women just because you dont feel like you have any other choice. a real man doesnt let that ish stop him.
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