Oneness Posted March 1, 2015 Posted March 1, 2015 There was a time, early on in our relationship, when my exboyfriend was my rock. When ever I needed him, he was there for me. If I needed to escape, I could fly to him and he was always warm, loving, comforting and understanding. He would help me fix my problems, he would take control and everything would work out. Oh, how I miss that right now. My mother who I live with is making my life hell, my special needs, high maintenance DS11 is wearing me out...and I just wish he was there for me like he used to be. To get away from my mother, I would pack up my son and spend the day with him...it would be great...my DS11 and he used to get along so well. But that is all history now...he is too toxic and he is gone...I can't have back what I lost...and I really need it today. But part of the reason I am suffering so much is due to the damage he caused me...but like others who are trauma bonded, we want the one who hurt us to make the pain go away...I am walking a fine line between staying stable and having a complete nervous breakdown.
CrystalShine2011 Posted March 1, 2015 Posted March 1, 2015 But part of the reason I am suffering so much is due to the damage he caused me...but like others who are trauma bonded, we want the one who hurt us to make the pain go away...I am walking a fine line between staying stable and having a complete nervous breakdown. It sounds like it's a wonderful thing that he is no longer in your life.
ballycastle Posted March 1, 2015 Posted March 1, 2015 There was a time, early on in our relationship, when my exboyfriend was my rock. When ever I needed him, he was there for me. If I needed to escape, I could fly to him and he was always warm, loving, comforting and understanding. He would help me fix my problems, he would take control and everything would work out. Oh, how I miss that right now. My mother who I live with is making my life hell, my special needs, high maintenance DS11 is wearing me out...and I just wish he was there for me like he used to be. To get away from my mother, I would pack up my son and spend the day with him...it would be great...my DS11 and he used to get along so well. But that is all history now...he is too toxic and he is gone...I can't have back what I lost...and I really need it today. But part of the reason I am suffering so much is due to the damage he caused me...but like others who are trauma bonded, we want the one who hurt us to make the pain go away...I am walking a fine line between staying stable and having a complete nervous breakdown. A lot of your posts resonates with me. But keep walking that fine line, you having fallen off yet. You also might want to do some reading into co-dependency issues as you say 'he was my rock'. Now you need to be your own rock. My ex left me last year after telling me the same thing ('he would be there for me/support me' blah blah blah) and I went through a year of hell with issues and work and my health AFTER HE LEFT. I yearned him to be with me in my dark hours. But he wasn't and I had to cope alone. I like you am trauma bonded, I see love as 'being hurt/ignored/put down' as this mirrors my parents 'love'. But it is not the love we deserve in our future partners, we have to unwire the bad cabling. You seem self aware to know this about you, so in your dark hour seek help from LS/therapy/reading/talking to sane rationale people that are GOOD for you. Honestly, I still don't see that good friends around me sometimes and still harbour that fool who abandoned me, is actually not a very nice person, rather than cherish loved ones who didn't desert me and want me in their life. Hopefully one day our tightrope will be a fully pledged road. 1
Author Oneness Posted March 1, 2015 Author Posted March 1, 2015 Ballycastle, thank you for undestanding. I know I need to be my own rock, and most of the time I am. I have some good friends who are here for me, and I am working on getting back into therapy. But I am worn out...just exhausted and for once I wish I had someone to help lighten my load. I know a lot about co-dependency...I used to think I was co-dependent, my exbf said I was and told me to get therapy for it years ago...and I did. But really, he was in the end co-dependent to me. I outgrew it, I began to not be a doormat anymore...5 years ago. Then 2 years ago, a friend on another forum introduced me to a book, "Women Who Love Psychopaths," by Sandra L. Brown M.A. and I found out why I was with my exboyfriend, and how come I stayed with him. I have what she calls, "Super Traits." I recognized these traits in myself, I have always had them. This artcile is good, if you want to understand. Your Cup Runneth Over and How to Put a Lid on It | I wish you a healing journey and a happy life....sounds like you went through a bad time, and had a love relationship with a pathological as well... 1
ballycastle Posted March 1, 2015 Posted March 1, 2015 Ballycastle, thank you for undestanding. I know I need to be my own rock, and most of the time I am. I have some good friends who are here for me, and I am working on getting back into therapy. But I am worn out...just exhausted and for once I wish I had someone to help lighten my load. I know a lot about co-dependency...I used to think I was co-dependent, my exbf said I was and told me to get therapy for it years ago...and I did. But really, he was in the end co-dependent to me. I outgrew it, I began to not be a doormat anymore...5 years ago. Then 2 years ago, a friend on another forum introduced me to a book, "Women Who Love Psychopaths," by Sandra L. Brown M.A. and I found out why I was with my exboyfriend, and how come I stayed with him. I have what she calls, "Super Traits." I recognized these traits in myself, I have always had them. This artcile is good, if you want to understand. Your Cup Runneth Over and How to Put a Lid on It | I wish you a healing journey and a happy life....sounds like you went through a bad time, and had a love relationship with a pathological as well... Hi thanks I'll read the article. Believe me, I too wished someone could have been there for me as well. I am a single parent and they were days I felt (and still feel) very alone, particularly balancing your finances, I've not had a holiday for over 13 years! You are stronger than you think you are. For me even though I get very down i do little thing to try to keep my sanity, even if it's daffodils on my desk, booking a concert, going to the cinema, netflix, writing, things to remind myself all is not lost. I am nowhere near there, but last year I contemplated suicide, this year I am looking more forward. Baby steps and daily reminders! I have started congratulating myself for doing things I would have defeated myself over, like fixing something, cooking a new meal, changing jobs. We will get there (if you read my responses to other threads I never thought I would say that either) ((hugs))
bigtrouble Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 There was a time, early on in our relationship, when my exboyfriend was my rock. When ever I needed him, he was there for me. If I needed to escape, I could fly to him and he was always warm, loving, comforting and understanding. He would help me fix my problems, he would take control and everything would work out. Oh, how I miss that right now. My mother who I live with is making my life hell, my special needs, high maintenance DS11 is wearing me out...and I just wish he was there for me like he used to be. To get away from my mother, I would pack up my son and spend the day with him...it would be great...my DS11 and he used to get along so well. But that is all history now...he is too toxic and he is gone...I can't have back what I lost...and I really need it today. But part of the reason I am suffering so much is due to the damage he caused me...but like others who are trauma bonded, we want the one who hurt us to make the pain go away...I am walking a fine line between staying stable and having a complete nervous breakdown. You need to take control... Don't pin your salvation on him... He is not the center of your happiness, comfort and security... He was there for you, and this is what you remember... But he is gone now... I know its difficult during these times... And you know he is the only one who can take away your pain... Just don't get immersed in it too much... Love yourself... 1
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