Is it weird that a guy I met online shows no sign of wanting to meet for a real date?

March 2, 2015

Why would they need to Skype if they live that close to each other?

I wouldn't start introducing that into things. You already are trying to get rid of other electronic substitutions.

To see if he balks at the suggestion. He's the one acting like he's having to fly in from Thailand to see her.

If he does balk, then she will know without a doubt that he's full of isht. We all know he's full of it because all he wants to do is write prose--well, so did my catfish. Like I wrote, he had a whole fabricated online personna, complete with Facebook and LinkedIn pages and he didn't want to meet with me, either--just wanted to email, text and talk on the phone. Refused to Skype and that's when I laid the trap I outlined earlier and caught him.

March 2, 2015

No reason for Skype - just good reason to request a meeting in real life.

Most INTERESTED guys (in fact all) wanted to meet me within a few days. Married men will usually pick a weekday. If he's available any day should be available.

Is there a pattern to his calls? What days/times is he calling you?

Hmmm...does he actually call her? I didn't read that. She said all their communications have been via e-mail.

And OP, he only lives 30 minutes away? Jeez, I drive 30 minutes to work every DAY!

Very suspicious.

March 2, 2015

The simple answer to your initial question is YES!

March 2, 2015

maybe he is not interested and just wants to be fri3nds.

happened to me with this girl. never had time to skype or call and she lived in another country so meeting was difficult. was always to busy or ill or stressed to skype or call on the phone even for 10 minutes or so to chat.

she was not interested in me but always used to message me.

explain that.....

March 3, 2015

Thanks for all the helpful suggestions, y'all. Some of your answers cracked me up At this point I'm just curious to see where this goes since we connect pretty well and have a lot in common. I'm 27 and he's 28. I still seriously doubt that he's married but I wouldn't be surprised if he's dating multiple people too which is normal at this stage. He's given away so much personal information that actually matches what I found online from his company profile, etc. I'll suggest a potential meeting just to put a face to all these e-mails and see what he says. We live about 28 miles away from each other and I guess it's more like 40 minutes without traffic. I agree that Skype would be strange but if he offers to even talk on the phone I'd feel slightly better too. He has some friends in my area and keeps saying next time he's around he'll let me know, also the baseball game plans, some restaurants he'd like to try in my area, and a music festival going on here in early April ... all these plans down the road pretty much.

March 3, 2015

Thanks for all the helpful suggestions, y'all. Some of your answers cracked me up At this point I'm just curious to see where this goes since we connect pretty well and have a lot in common. I'm 27 and he's 28. I still seriously doubt that he's married but I wouldn't be surprised if he's dating multiple people too which is normal at this stage. He's given away so much personal information that actually matches what I found online from his company profile, etc. I'll suggest a potential meeting just to put a face to all these e-mails and see what he says. We live about 28 miles away from each other and I guess it's more like 40 minutes without traffic. I agree that Skype would be strange but if he offers to even talk on the phone I'd feel slightly better too. He has some friends in my area and keeps saying next time he's around he'll let me know, also the baseball game plans, some restaurants he'd like to try in my area, and a music festival going on here in early April ... all these plans down the road pretty much.

How long have you been texting/emailing? Days...weeks...months?

I don't recall your ever telling us that.

March 3, 2015

We live about 28 miles away from each other and I guess it's more like 40 minutes without traffic. I agree that Skype would be strange but if he offers to even talk on the phone I'd feel slightly better too.

My catfish talked to me on the phone. A lot. Said he lived about 30-ish miles from me. Called me from a local area code, too. Call was routed through a web site from Nigeria. Refused outright to Skype.

March 3, 2015

This emailing thing has been going on since Feb. 15. At first it was just messages on the dating site, and then it got longer and longer and we reached the character limit, so we directed to emails. And his email address is legit too, the same as the one on his company and LinkedIn profile, etc.

March 3, 2015

then it looks like you're going to have to put up with long winded emails and wait on him to want to see you.

March 7, 2015

But the OP clearly likes him and would like to meet him, so if she doesn't tell him that for fear of being the man, what would you suggest she do?

Continue texting? For how long, until hell freezes over?

I don't usually advocate women asking men out first either...but in this case I don't see how she has a choice.

It seems to me as though he is hiding something. Maybe he lives with his ex, maybe he has erectile dysfunction, maybe he's using fake pictures. But if a guy who actually wants to date and who is on a dating site doesn't want to meet the girl within a reasonable time frame, something is up.

March 7, 2015

It seems to me as though he is hiding something. Maybe he lives with his ex, maybe he has erectile dysfunction, maybe he's using fake pictures. But if a guy who actually wants to date and who is on a dating site doesn't want to meet the girl within a reasonable time frame, something is up.

I agree.

He would have made effort to SEE you if this was even close to normal dating.

So now another few weeks have gone by without him asking you OUT on a date. Something isn't right with this guy!

I would stop responding to this time waster and date a man that makes effort to see you regularly.

It doesn't matter that his info lines up - it could all be fake - a set up. I hope you haven't given too much personal info. Has he asked you for money?

I'd suggest dating available men who see you in real life instead of fake email relationships.

March 7, 2015

It seems to me as though he is hiding something. Maybe he lives with his ex, maybe he has erectile dysfunction, maybe he's using fake pictures. But if a guy who actually wants to date and who is on a dating site doesn't want to meet the girl within a reasonable time frame, something is up.

That was actually part of the point I was trying to make. OP suggests meeting, and if he hems and haws, then she KNOWS something's amiss.

She should know now but she doesn't:... she wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. So suggest meeting, if he puts up road blocks, then there's no more doubt and she can move on with a clear conscience.

March 7, 2015

Currently happening to one of my friends. He's male, and he's been in regular contact with this woman for months (and I mean MONTHS) and still no meet-up.

I was there once during one of their phone calls and it sounded like any other relationship; all very weird to me, seeing as they have actually never met!! We looked at her fb and LinkedIn accounts together in the early days as they are connected to each other on both and she looks like she is everything she says she is. He has all her phone numbers, which he has all used at random times (even at work!!) and it all matches. They send each other presents for birthdays, so her address is legit too. From what he says, she is giving the same reason as your guy, as in she likes to get to know people the old fashion way, and he's happy with that. They have also agreed to meet in person in the future.

Could be that your guy is a very slow mover. If you really think it's worth having a go then why not, but you'll definitely need more evidence of who he says he is first IMO, and protect yourself in case it all goes pear-shaped.

March 8, 2015

This emailing thing has been going on since Feb. 15. At first it was just messages on the dating site, and then it got longer and longer and we reached the character limit, so we directed to emails. And his email address is legit too, the same as the one on his company and LinkedIn profile, etc.

So call him on his work number and ask for him--you don't have to talk to him--just see that he in fact works there.

March 8, 2015

I've done this before to women.....and starting to see how weird it looks!!

But the reasons generally were:

I work in a job thats kinda off on - it is nine to five, five days a week, but some projects mean Im working six days a week and twelve hour days, then it goes back to not a lot of work for a month. Also study part time.....so when it is busy, I will have every intention of meeting a woman, I just want to get a heavy project outta the way or exam first (although I do explain this to them)...means I can go for the date relaxed....dont see it as messing them around, I fire back emails as Im interested and want to set up dates for when things are calmer

Another time was after a breakup though....in which case had low confidence and wanted to get talking to women again without being burnt or investing too much...yes I guess I was wasting their time, but I did state on my profile i was not looking for anything serious and looking to make friends....

But yeah like the others said just ask him!! what harm could it do?

March 8, 2015

That is interesting. A friend of mine who lives in DC told me about a similar situation where she once met a guy who lives in Baltimore and he kept bringing up potential dates down the road when he's going to be in the DC area for something. In the meantime my friend kept thinking, "how hard is it to just pick a weekend to do something anyway or even meet each other somewhere in the middle?!" Obviously the guy believed that my friend was not technically in the same area as him so they just had to wait until either of them has a legit reason to visit (or just happens to be in) each other's area to meet. I thought that was a bit ridiculous since DC and Baltimore are not that far away from each other. I can see that it might be a long shot to meet during weekdays but the weekends? It should be a cinch if you truly wanted to see this person for real. This makes me wonder if 40 minutes of drive really is a big deal for some people to meet up with a stranger.

March 8, 2015

This emailing thing has been going on since Feb. 15. At first it was just messages on the dating site, and then it got longer and longer and we reached the character limit, so we directed to emails. And his email address is legit too, the same as the one on his company and LinkedIn profile, etc.

So did you end up suggesting to him that the two of you meet up?

I would also stop doing all the online background searches or "stalking" so to speak on him. You are getting to know him digitally and not via interpersonal communication. This is one of the things that takes away from the dating experience and often a habit of OLD since its so easy to search. It's fun getting to know someone through a conversation and not via a facebook account.

March 8, 2015

That is interesting. A friend of mine who lives in DC told me about a similar situation where she once met a guy who lives in Baltimore and he kept bringing up potential dates down the road when he's going to be in the DC area for something. In the meantime my friend kept thinking, "how hard is it to just pick a weekend to do something anyway or even meet each other somewhere in the middle?!" Obviously the guy believed that my friend was not technically in the same area as him so they just had to wait until either of them has a legit reason to visit (or just happens to be in) each other's area to meet. I thought that was a bit ridiculous since DC and Baltimore are not that far away from each other. I can see that it might be a long shot to meet during weekdays but the weekends? It should be a cinch if you truly wanted to see this person for real. This makes me wonder if 40 minutes of drive really is a big deal for some people to meet up with a stranger.

No it's NOT the drive ... so you can nix that thought. I drive nearly 40 minutes. each way every day for work. And so do lots of other eople too. 40 minutes is not a big deal.

There is something else going on here....that is preventing him from wanting to meet you. And yes I said "wanting" to meet you, cause if he did want to meet you, he would!

March 8, 2015

I noticed a ton of people are looking for pen pals only on dating sites. If, after about 4-5 good messages where you get a flavor of each other's personality, he doesn't offer a date, I would kill it with, "I've enjoyed our correspondence, I think you're really interesting. I joined this site to meet people, how about meeting for coffee?"

Guys who were interested always initiated and I never had to bring it to that. The few where I did have to ask ended up being super lame dates in the end, rude and not sociable. One was using pictures about ten years old. YMMV.

Best to know when to draw the line to save your time.

March 8, 2015

Haha.. Women are equally as guilty of this.

My advice would be that if a guy doesn't get your number within 5 emails max, he isn't really interested. If I'm initially interested, I get the process rolling within 2-3 emails tops.

Three things I look out for :

1) If a woman responds to my email, but doesn't view my profile. She's just looking to chat, and it's an automatic delete.

2) If she gives a one sentence reply only answering my question and makes no attempt to expand or make conversation. Once again, automatic delete.

3) If a woman doesn't ask me at least one question about myself in three emails, I stop talking to her. If she was genuinely interested, she'd attempt to get to know me a little.

March 24, 2015

Can I just provide a quick update to this situation? I actually haven't heard from the guy in over a week and before that he'd usually reply within three days at the most, so now I really wonder what's going on, or if it's something I said in my last email, which I honestly can't think of. The last email he sent was still friendly and he sounded interested too, even mentioned that I'm by far the best person he'd met on the site and that my messages are so much more entertaining than everyone else's that he'd read. I know his birthday was last Tuesday and from what he said he goes out with friends a lot in the evenings/weekends. Still, this "long" silent treatment makes me wonder what happened. I'm also afraid to check his online profile to see if he's been online at all since he'd know that I visited. Anyway, I'm just a little perplexed how someone can "vanish" after us hitting off so nicely and him sharing so much about himself, his family, etc. Of course I've experienced "fade away" acts before but it was mostly with guys I only communicated very briefly online, without even knowing their last names and all.

March 24, 2015

If you've been maintaining this long of an email set up with him, he was never going to meet you in the first place. Guys that are interested typically don't wait past five emails to get the ball rolling. He most likely was just killing time with you and found a woman that he actually wanted to meet with in person.

Why he didn't want to meet with you, I have no idea. But since you're probably always receiving new emails from guys on the site, focus on one that will actually ask you out within a week tops.

March 24, 2015

I don't care how busy or how far away a guy is - when he's REALLY interested- he MAKES TIME for you.

I know CEO's and big time busy people - and they don't think anything of getting on a plane and flying to see the gal they are interested in! I'm talking 3,000 miles away. NOTHING stops a guy when he WANTS to see a gal he's interested in.

This guy wasn't that into you.

Find a new guy that wants to meet within a week. That way he's not wasting your time. If the old guy contacts - don't respond, at all.

March 24, 2015

40 minutes is not a big deal.

Sidenote: 40 minutes is not a big deal for you. I've done OLD and I've tried in the past to maintain finding someone within the vicinity of 20 minutes or less. It's just the way I am and I've known people like me, just as I've met people like you who didn't mind it.

My work commute is less than 10 minutes. I don't like to travel for work, nor for a relationship. I've done it before and it complicated things sometimes.

But that's me, and I am sure there are others like me. Hell, that could very well be the issue with the guy the OP is writing about... or maybe not.

But you can't just say "40 minutes is not a big deal". It's not an absolute statement.

March 24, 2015

Sidenote: 40 minutes is not a big deal for you. I've done OLD and I've tried in the past to maintain finding someone within the vicinity of 20 minutes or less. It's just the way I am and I've known people like me, just as I've met people like you who didn't mind it.

My work commute is less than 10 minutes. I don't like to travel for work, nor for a relationship. I've done it before and it complicated things sometimes.

But that's me, and I am sure there are others like me. Hell, that could very well be the issue with the guy the OP is writing about... or maybe not.

But you can't just say "40 minutes is not a big deal". It's not an absolute statement.

Okay fair enough, BUT " if" the 40 minutes IS the issue, then he should never have started up with her in the first pkace. Let alone continued this charade of leading her to believe he is going to meet her...

This has been going on for months. It's absurd!

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Is it weird that a guy I met online shows no sign of wanting to meet for a real date?

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