cubbbb Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I have been told that you don't choose who you love. It chooses you. I am finding this to be true. I was with a prior girlfriend for 7 years, but never truely loved her. She was pretty, sweet, nice, %100 loyal, we had SOOO much in common, but my heart never felt the LOVE, that I knew I needed. I really cared for her, and knew that she needed someone to truely love her, so I let her go. It all went smoothly. Not too much grief (atleast for me) and till this day we remain friends. Now for the past 15 months (with about 5 breakups during that period), I have dated a woman that I've found to be totally wrong for me yet I'm TOTALLY in Love with her. We have hardly anything in common, argue, don't enjoy eachothers company very often, and she has been unfaithful several times, (and so have I during one of our mini separations). She is constantly on my mind, and can't seem to let go. My heart aches without her, but I know that there can't be a future because we are such different people. I've heard the saying that Opposites attract, but loving someone that your not compatible with at all is brutal! Why do I do this to myself, and why is my heart so attached to her? I don't get it. Well anyway, I have been reading these boards for a couple of weeks, and decided to do the NC. I made it 7 days and I blew it last night, and now my heart is in FULL torment once again. I have been staying away from where she hangs out but my friends gave me some bad advice I think, and told me to not let her dictate where you go, and keeping me from the activities that I enjoy doing. Twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays I go down to the bar and play in Texas Hold Em tournaments. I work from home so this is a good way for me to get out of the house and have some socialization amongst friends. The thing is, she does the same thing. So I go down there with full intent to not let her alter my lifestyle. (subconciously was I intending to reconcile for a night)? Well, to make a long story short I ended up speaking with her, and ultimately went home with her. Had sex, and slept over. Now today, I want to hit myself over the head with a blunt object!! lol It felt soo good to have her in my arms, but now I know I have to start the PAINFUL grieving process yet again. Its not like a 6th reconciliation is going to make things better. Any thoughts on why my heart bleeds for the wrong woman? In the past I have been with several wonderful, nice, attractive, caring women that I just could not feel for the way I should. It just wasn't there. Am I just a glutton for punishment? Do I seek pain for some reason? Insecurity? Do I need to be the pursuer, rather than the pursued? I'm so freakin clueless right now. Please help!! Thanks.
moimeme Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 'Love', particularly for someone with whom you aren't really compatible, isn't love, I believe. Rather, it's infatuation. It's like an addiction and the only way to get over it is the same way you quit smoking or anything else - quit thinking about it, quit doing it, and stay away from anything that remembers you of it until you are cured.
mixwell Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 at least you are getting sex !! haha I havent had sex or any sexual activity in about 5 months !!! I am going crazy and my hand is getting very tired !!! haha i know that was too much info but i dont care.. Personally I wouldn't stop going to place that I went to because of my ex !! F that... If you really dont want anything to do with her then just tighten up on the NC. Just say I dont want to be friends or anything else so just leave me alone.. be blunt about it !! Sorry its not the best advice.. i am buzzed right no ! haha take care.. peace
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