Why has she blocked me now after 5 months

[CM2014]

I won't go into the whole story but enough said that we had an amazing , totally intensive 8 months together then nothing. Totally fell in love with her and her also but she was always so scared of strength of our feelings . The intensity of our passion and intimacy blew us both away . Then She just totally started ignoring me last off , no explanation , no closure, no words ....nothing. I tried to be good and not beg or overly emotional . But she ripped my guts out ... And has just continued to ignore me . Never blocked me on FB , no comments messages nothing but I figured she viewing my page . I made 3 attempts at Christmas to make contact but was ignored so going into the new year I decided to work on myself ...try and heal , get some counselling etc . Out of that came the email I sent her 3 weeks back (below) ... My 'goodbye' email I guess... Still nothing , not that I expected a response I sent it for me ... But now 5 days ago she has totally blocked me on FB . I shouldn't care I know and although I'm in a much stronger place than I was at Christmas I can't help but miss her , it's like she has died but now her blocking me ...what's that about ? Esp after so many months of no contact which she initiated . I prefer to think she can't speak to me (rather than won't) as in consciously treating me like this she knows it's hurting me and I struggle to know why . If I mean nothing to her why would she care or I have just totally pissed he off (for reasons I don't know) ... Blocking me is the final act of taking back control as for past few months out breakup (if I can call it that) has all been on her terms since oct

Any thoughts anyone , I am working so hard to try and heal and move on , I have accepted we are over am no longer in bits on the floor but that doesn't mean I can just switch my feelings off . She's not the first thing I think of each morning but nothing a day has gone by since october that I haven't thought about her .... Sorry this is long but below is the email I sent as I would appreciate anyone's feedback . I guess what I put has led her to freeze me out further . I don't regret it as I had to do it but I don't understand her response but since October she has just been brutal with me so latest action just a further extension of this ? That's the only way I can try and make sense and understand esp as biggest irony is she doesn't really use Facebook , it was always me . She hardly posts comments no photos etched when we were together so this woman really going out of her way to get me out of her life ......

 

 

"I’m emailing you to let you know that I am going to remove you as a friend on Facebook. I have to do this for myself and for different and very conscious reasons to the ones you may be thinking as you read this. It is because I care about you so deeply that I am writing this rather than just acting so please accept this in the spirit in which I intend.

I don’t know what shifted for you. Somehow I do but what precisely happened around October that led you to close down and slow faze me out of your life so completely only you know. For me now, the ‘why ’doesn’t matter, you have your reasons. I accept that. For me, I have to ask why I allow myself to keep ending up being treated this way. There is no blame just an acceptance of needing to take responsibility for my self. You haven’t and didn’t let me down, or abandon me or anything else; I did all that to my self. I let my self down so badly. I had stopped looking after my self long before we met and for what? For x (previous x) I was attempting to create something out of thin air that didn’t really exist by giving up so much of ‘me’ for her. I was doing it with someone who in her own way is very manipulative and abusing of my boundaries. Although again, it was I who allowed her to walk all over them. Her emotional unavailability is her journey now. Why am I telling you this, because the whole of last year was just part of a bigger picture of becoming conscious of patterns in my life I can no longer ignore.

 

I think we met because we were being given a chance to change or explore such patterns with someone who would have some empathy for what complicated people we are .Or at least I know I was. We used to talk about ‘our bubble’ because it was a safe place based on nothing else but trust for each other . Going back in my back catalogue to that time in Car park, very early on, that was filled with so much expectation around who you were, so much joy at having found you and wondering why we had found each other. If I really search myself, another time sitting in that pub up the back of where you live - when we tried to do something ‘normal’ and it ended at your place with such sharing of tears and grief and loss was us sharing fear, fear of being left or losing each other to each other, fear of love maybe and how it feels connected with so much pain …but within so much fear to be able to hold it for each other and face it together was very special and connected us that evening. Very strongly which I still feel now.

 

Despite where we are now I still feel that connection. It won’t ever leave me but I also believe you were emotionally checking out before October. All that happened between then and Oct becomes just stuff – stuff from other people and timing, bad timing but stuff that stopped us moving forward from that evening. Then the times I think we both knew we were allowing each other to treat the other badly , … my sadness now is that I think we both knew there were other ways we would like to treat each other but never the time to really look at the behaviour or talk it through . So any sadness is from the lost opportunity or the potential around something that never really had a chance to be nurtured and grow. I don’t think either of us was in a place for such mutual honesty or self-reflection plus there was always so much urgency around having to focus on all the horrid things that were happening day to day. Although those things and people were hard and demanding in their own right, they became more demanding than any connection.

 

So, in a very conscious way I am defriending you not to run away or to cut you out of my life but because I have to value who I am and I only want people in my life who want me in theirs. With such complete radio silence, having you as a friend on Facebook has become a constant reminder of ‘the silent treatment’ I grew up with. It presses the ‘invalid’ button that I have spent so long trying to recover from in terms of the way my family kept pressing it in me as a child. It is not something I want in my life as an adult. I understand you have to do what you have to do for you. But I also have needs and consciously as an adult I have to put some boundaries in place around what is an acceptable way I want people to treat me. Facebook is also not a real connection, esp. when in the real world there is ‘no contact’. It just becomes me repeating the old pattern of trying to create or hold on to something out of thin air. Now I am I so conscious of it as a pattern and motivated to change it I don’t want to put myself at risk of letting my self down again.

 

I don’t know if you understand any of this. It doesn’t matter if you don’t because it’s my journey. I have no anger or malice and I’m not being immature or impulsive. Maybe someday you will be able to be in touch with me. Maybe when enough time has passed for you, you will feel able to contact me and I will respond kindly and with love. But until then I have to carry on with my life like you do yours.

Take care xxx

Edited February 28, 2015 by CM2014

[Mi7522]

I won't go into the whole story but enough said that we had an amazing , totally intensive 8 months together then nothing. Totally fell in love with her and her also but she was always so scared of strength of our feelings . The intensity of our passion and intimacy blew us both away . Then She just totally started ignoring me last off , no explanation , no closure, no words ....nothing. I tried to be good and not beg or overly emotional . But she ripped my guts out ... And has just continued to ignore me . Never blocked me on FB , no comments messages nothing but I figured she viewing my page . I made 3 attempts at Christmas to make contact but was ignored so going into the new year I decided to work on myself ...try and heal , get some counselling etc . Out of that came the email I sent her 3 weeks back (below) ... My 'goodbye' email I guess... Still nothing , not that I expected a response I sent it for me ... But now 5 days ago she has totally blocked me on FB . I shouldn't care I know and although I'm in a much stronger place than I was at Christmas I can't help but miss her , it's like she has died but now her blocking me ...what's that about ? Esp after so many months of no contact which she initiated . I prefer to think she can't speak to me (rather than won't) as in consciously treating me like this she knows it's hurting me and I struggle to know why . If I mean nothing to her why would she care or I have just totally pissed he off (for reasons I don't know) ... Blocking me is the final act of taking back control as for past few months out breakup (if I can call it that) has all been on her terms since oct

Any thoughts anyone , I am working so hard to try and heal and move on , I have accepted we are over am no longer in bits on the floor but that doesn't mean I can just switch my feelings off . She's not the first thing I think of each morning but nothing a day has gone by since october that I haven't thought about her .... Sorry this is long but below is the email I sent as I would appreciate anyone's feedback . I guess what I put has led her to freeze me out further . I don't regret it as I had to do it but I don't understand her response but since October she has just been brutal with me so latest action just a further extension of this ? That's the only way I can try and make sense and understand esp as biggest irony is she doesn't really use Facebook , it was always me . She hardly posts comments no photos etched when we were together so this woman really going out of her way to get me out of her life ......

 

 

"I’m emailing you to let you know that I am going to remove you as a friend on Facebook. I have to do this for myself and for different and very conscious reasons to the ones you may be thinking as you read this. It is because I care about you so deeply that I am writing this rather than just acting so please accept this in the spirit in which I intend.

I don’t know what shifted for you. Somehow I do but what precisely happened around October that led you to close down and slow faze me out of your life so completely only you know. For me now, the ‘why ’doesn’t matter, you have your reasons. I accept that. For me, I have to ask why I allow myself to keep ending up being treated this way. There is no blame just an acceptance of needing to take responsibility for my self. You haven’t and didn’t let me down, or abandon me or anything else; I did all that to my self. I let my self down so badly. I had stopped looking after my self long before we met and for what? For x (previous x) I was attempting to create something out of thin air that didn’t really exist by giving up so much of ‘me’ for her. I was doing it with someone who in her own way is very manipulative and abusing of my boundaries. Although again, it was I who allowed her to walk all over them. Her emotional unavailability is her journey now. Why am I telling you this, because the whole of last year was just part of a bigger picture of becoming conscious of patterns in my life I can no longer ignore.

 

I think we met because we were being given a chance to change or explore such patterns with someone who would have some empathy for what complicated people we are .Or at least I know I was. We used to talk about ‘our bubble’ because it was a safe place based on nothing else but trust for each other . Going back in my back catalogue to that time in Car park, very early on, that was filled with so much expectation around who you were, so much joy at having found you and wondering why we had found each other. If I really search myself, another time sitting in that pub up the back of where you live - when we tried to do something ‘normal’ and it ended at your place with such sharing of tears and grief and loss was us sharing fear, fear of being left or losing each other to each other, fear of love maybe and how it feels connected with so much pain …but within so much fear to be able to hold it for each other and face it together was very special and connected us that evening. Very strongly which I still feel now.

 

Despite where we are now I still feel that connection. It won’t ever leave me but I also believe you were emotionally checking out before October. All that happened between then and Oct becomes just stuff – stuff from other people and timing, bad timing but stuff that stopped us moving forward from that evening. Then the times I think we both knew we were allowing each other to treat the other badly , … my sadness now is that I think we both knew there were other ways we would like to treat each other but never the time to really look at the behaviour or talk it through . So any sadness is from the lost opportunity or the potential around something that never really had a chance to be nurtured and grow. I don’t think either of us was in a place for such mutual honesty or self-reflection plus there was always so much urgency around having to focus on all the horrid things that were happening day to day. Although those things and people were hard and demanding in their own right, they became more demanding than any connection.

 

So, in a very conscious way I am defriending you not to run away or to cut you out of my life but because I have to value who I am and I only want people in my life who want me in theirs. With such complete radio silence, having you as a friend on Facebook has become a constant reminder of ‘the silent treatment’ I grew up with. It presses the ‘invalid’ button that I have spent so long trying to recover from in terms of the way my family kept pressing it in me as a child. It is not something I want in my life as an adult. I understand you have to do what you have to do for you. But I also have needs and consciously as an adult I have to put some boundaries in place around what is an acceptable way I want people to treat me. Facebook is also not a real connection, esp. when in the real world there is ‘no contact’. It just becomes me repeating the old pattern of trying to create or hold on to something out of thin air. Now I am I so conscious of it as a pattern and motivated to change it I don’t want to put myself at risk of letting my self down again.

 

I don’t know if you understand any of this. It doesn’t matter if you don’t because it’s my journey. I have no anger or malice and I’m not being immature or impulsive. Maybe someday you will be able to be in touch with me. Maybe when enough time has passed for you, you will feel able to contact me and I will respond kindly and with love. But until then I have to carry on with my life like you do yours.

Take care xxx

 

I know you're thinking you sent that email for you but in actuality you did it to coerce a response from her which you didn't receive. I would not have sent her an email expressing my feelings, seems as though she is quite happy blocking you from anything she might be on in social media. That is your clue to move on and figure yourself out.

[Nolan 93]

Well at least you said what you felt you need to say. Even after three weeks she hasn't replied, sucks that she never said anything.

 

Even after a month of NC I wrote my ex an email and she wrote back a long letter the following night. Even after she said some nice things I'm still moving on as its what I need to do. I suggest you do the same, honestly the pain is going away and it's going by fast.

[CM2014]

thanks Nolan ...well i really didn't expect anything in sending it ..why would i , nothing since Oct . But I certainly didn't expect her to 'upgrade' the silent treatment by then blocking me because of a) what i wrote of b) because i defriended her on FB. Have to conclude she really doesn't want anything to do with me , not even that i exist at all. But at least i got to say something , and explain why ...up to her how she deals with it . As much as i don't want to see her in this light she is very controlling... blocking me has to be like her having the FINAL say (but also gives her the choice to unblock me at her leisure although as blocking and unblocking a conscious act i suspect she will also forget about me as time moves on)

Its just cruel though to treat people in this way so i have to conclude im better off without her in my life . Over the worst of it now