SJ1975 Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Reading the stories here, everything ends disastrously for the OW/OM. Are there any happy stories to share or do all affairs end in tears? Has the man/woman ever left their partner for any of you?? Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 (edited) What is happy? Ending up with the affair partner? Truth is people simply don't leave their marriages for their affair partners. I can think of two such stories here. Edited February 28, 2015 by DKT3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJ1975 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 What is happy? Ending up with the affair partner? Yes, that would be the end result surely? Link to post Share on other sites
Casa Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Anyone happy wouldn't be here in OW or infidelity Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 So it sounds like your last post on your previous thread may not have been quite accurate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJ1975 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 So it sounds like your last post on your previous thread may not have been quite accurate. It's very accurate, another member suggested having a look on here. Some of the stories are very sad indeed. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Casa Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 (edited) So the only way OW can get to stay is by having a go at each other???? Or being remorseful. Shame on you. Edited February 28, 2015 by Casa Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Reading the stories here, everything ends disastrously for the OW/OM. Are there any happy stories to share or do all affairs end in tears? Has the man/woman ever left their partner for any of you?? Yes. My A ended brilliantly, for all of us: fMM, he kids, and for me (fOW). He left, we M, we've been together happily ever since. But that is not the only kind of happy ending possible. Some OW have unhappy As, recognise that the A is unhealthy, and walk away to embrace better life choices, and better Rs in the future. That is also a great ending. Others have fMMs who leave, they get together, and then the fOW comes to see that the R is not what she'd hoped it would be, dumps the fMM, and moves on. That is also a great ending. Some fOW recognise that they don't want a FTR! And that an A is the R that best meets their needs, and have long, stable and fulfilling As with their MMs. That can also be a great outcome, if it's what they want. What matters is that the OW is happy, healthy and getting what she needs. There are many ways for that to happen. A fMM leaving is only one way of several. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJ1975 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Yes. My A ended brilliantly, for all of us: fMM, he kids, and for me (fOW). He left, we M, we've been together happily ever since. But that is not the only kind of happy ending possible. Some OW have unhappy As, recognise that the A is unhealthy, and walk away to embrace better life choices, and better Rs in the future. That is also a great ending. Others have fMMs who leave, they get together, and then the fOW comes to see that the R is not what she'd hoped it would be, dumps the fMM, and moves on. That is also a great ending. Some fOW recognise that they don't want a FTR! And that an A is the R that best meets their needs, and have long, stable and fulfilling As with their MMs. That can also be a great outcome, if it's what they want. What matters is that the OW is happy, healthy and getting what she needs. There are many ways for that to happen. A fMM leaving is only one way of several. I need an abbreviation key please Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Do Any Affairs End Well For OM/OW?They can. It depends on how one describes 'well'. Each person's description varies since there are as many reasons and desires for affairs as there are people. Reading the stories here, everything ends disastrously for the OW/OM. Are there any happy stories to share or do all affairs end in tears?Over my years of reading, it appears more end in tears than in 'happily ever after'; however, part of that could be confirmation bias, as my last stint as an OM decades ago ended pretty badly all around, and part could be the general rule that people on LS tend to come here and post here about problems, not happy relationships. In real life, I have no firm indicators one way or another. One anecdote I knew the inside of, that of a past MW, indicates she has indeed lived 'happily ever after' with the boyfriend whom she had an exit affair with while both she and he were still married. IDK his history, though I got to know him fairly well, but I do know she had multiple affairs, of which I was one, over her 20+ year marriage. She was only about four years in when we started up and she had already been in a PA with her boss by then, she would relate many years later. IDK if those circumstances ended to her liking or not but the last one appears to have. Maybe that's a function of aging. Has the man/woman ever left their partner for any of you?? In my case, never. Nor did I. My solution was to end the affair, get divorced and move on from the milieu of women and relationships. That was my 'happy ending' and that's a sincere assessment, hence YMMV on what 'end well' means. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJ1975 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Yes. My A ended brilliantly, for all of us: fMM, he kids, and for me (fOW). He left, we M, we've been together happily ever since. But that is not the only kind of happy ending possible. Some OW have unhappy As, recognise that the A is unhealthy, and walk away to embrace better life choices, and better Rs in the future. That is also a great ending. Others have fMMs who leave, they get together, and then the fOW comes to see that the R is not what she'd hoped it would be, dumps the fMM, and moves on. That is also a great ending. Some fOW recognise that they don't want a FTR! And that an A is the R that best meets their needs, and have long, stable and fulfilling As with their MMs. That can also be a great outcome, if it's what they want. What matters is that the OW is happy, healthy and getting what she needs. There are many ways for that to happen. A fMM leaving is only one way of several. Glad to hear that yours ended ok. BTW: I have just Googled FFM, and found Federation of Malaysian Manufacturers! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 I need an abbreviation key please http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/water-cooler/228723-loveshack-terminology-guide-acronyms-forum-shorthand fMM = formerly married man (affair related) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 I need an abbreviation key please You can find one here Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 It's very accurate, another member suggested having a look on here. Some of the stories are very sad indeed. Thank you You stated you weren't going ahead with anything and it was a bad idea, so I interpreted that to mean that you weren't going to go ahead with anything and you thought it was a bad idea. But okay. Fair enough to ask the question. There is no hard and fast rule that describes all affairs. Except, there are very few that don't cause pain for those involved - even if the happy ending occurs for the affair partners, the people who are cheated on (the affair partners' existing relationships) get hurt. Even if they never find out, they get hurt, because the person they love and trust most is lying to them and making decisions about their life for them. There is just no reason to not do things in the proper order (get out of your current relationship before getting into another one). Then there will be a much better chance for things to end well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SJ1975 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 You stated you weren't going ahead with anything and it was a bad idea, so I interpreted that to mean that you weren't going to go ahead with anything and you thought it was a bad idea. But okay. Fair enough to ask the question. There is no hard and fast rule that describes all affairs. Except, there are very few that don't cause pain for those involved - even if the happy ending occurs for the affair partners, the people who are cheated on (the affair partners' existing relationships) get hurt. Even if they never find out, they get hurt, because the person they love and trust most is lying to them and making decisions about their life for them. There is just no reason to not do things in the proper order (get out of your current relationship before getting into another one). Then there will be a much better chance for things to end well. It was just a question out of curiosity more than anything. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Are there any happy stories to share or do all affairs end in tears? of course there are - a lot of people leave their spouses to be with the OW/OM. i personally know around 15 couples - some of them still last, some of them eventually broke up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Casa Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 If mm does not get divorced he will not be happy and neither will she. He just has to grow balls and and she.... some tts lol. Neither has either. They'd be better swapping sex. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Yes. My A ended brilliantly, for all of us: fMM, he kids, and for me (fOW). He left, we M, we've been together happily ever since. But that is not the only kind of happy ending possible. Some OW have unhappy As, recognise that the A is unhealthy, and walk away to embrace better life choices, and better Rs in the future. That is also a great ending. Others have fMMs who leave, they get together, and then the fOW comes to see that the R is not what she'd hoped it would be, dumps the fMM, and moves on. That is also a great ending. Some fOW recognise that they don't want a FTR! And that an A is the R that best meets their needs, and have long, stable and fulfilling As with their MMs. That can also be a great outcome, if it's what they want. What matters is that the OW is happy, healthy and getting what she needs. There are many ways for that to happen. A fMM leaving is only one way of several. Also, "happy" stories / "happy endings" can depend on when you take the reading. Some OW are (or report that they are) happy during the A; but then reappear after the A ended to say how *unhappy* they were during the A, and how happy they are that it's over. That might be revisionism, it might be "fog", who knows - but whether or not they are / were happy shifts and changes with when you ask them. Likewise, some OW are devastated when the A ends, but reappear later reporting how happy they are with how things turned out for them - does that count as a happy outcome or not? Again, it depends when you ask them. There are several threads that have asked whether fAPs "would do it again" and each time there are mixed responses. The ones that respond positively - whatever their outcome - can certainly be said to be "happy" outcomes, but f the fAP is willing to repeat the experience. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 I'm sure some do. I am sure some of them eventually get honest about what they are actually doing, move on, and begin living a l8fe of conscience as stronger people. Of course, some proclaim a bit to loudly about how morals are outdated and insist a bit too strongly that it's really the BS's problem. It all depends on the person. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Some do. Personally I only know cases which lasted temporarily. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 The statistics that have been compiled say that most relationships spawned by infidelity do not last long term . Of course there are exceptions so a general statement is not totally accurate. The statistics also say that when men have affairs they more often want their wives when the affair ends . They also say that women are usually emotionally more involved and more often want their OM and have been checked out of the marriage before the PA starts. But everyone is different . There is no one size fits all answer Link to post Share on other sites
Damia Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 My xH is still with his exit affair partner. I assume they are happy but i have no information to base that on ,only that they are still together after 4 years. They are not married or engaged and have a 19 year age gap. Everyone's definition of "Happy" is different I surpose? Link to post Share on other sites
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