male483 Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 I can't seem to move on with my life after a recent break up until I get it right in my head that it wasn't me who ruined it and don't know why. Ive always been able to get over break ups but this one she insists its all my fault constantly she even gets her mum and her 1 friend to text me abuse. Basically I will admit in the relationship I was overly soft with her and a bit insecure because a few early lies on her part completley got me on a back foot, in an argument she'd be so stubborn and for example our last argument i sat silently by the bed and she tore up memories of us and threw stuff at me. the last time we spoke it went like this: Me: sorry for everything i did wrong i did try (even though i no i wasnt at fault for it all jst wanted to be nice to end it decent terms) her: i do think you need to visit the doctor as if you had medication you might be more stable me: my god are you actually for real? you still think this is all my fault. you havent a clue how to take responsibility for any of your actions and most of them where damn right disgusting, even now i try to be nice and its just a waste of time. her: see youre doing it again, 1 minute nice then horrible youre like a yoyo i think you have bipolar and need some serious help then her mum texts me: leave her alone now you need some help ive just seen the last text you sent her blaming her for everything you need some help from a profesional im just sat here completley bemused about all this. Its like i act nice, she says something horrible so i fight back and im an awful person for it. Its got to a point where i feel like it might be me, every argument ever and i mean EVER throughout the year and half we was together had always had to be my fault and me who had to make up or we'd go knowhere. id sit for days just thinking it over until i came to the conclusion i was at fault and started the apologising but its gone on so long its like it HAS to always be my fault now. When we then made up everyone would just say 'you no shes stubborn you should no by now' like its my fault shes stubborn so the arguments are infact my fault for not just accepting it. She could cause an argument with me, then give me silent treatment for days until i suddenly got mad about the situation and text her that i was fed up and shed reply 'oh god youre off again i was just about to text you and see how you was but you can forget it now' it was like that EVERYTIME. whether i waited an hour or a week the moment i text her was always the moment she was just about to apparently text me. im so fed up, want to move on but am i such a horrible person? all my mates and family keep saying im fine but this 1 girl out of the loads ive dated has actually made me feel like im a complete nutcase. yet not one other person thinks so..... Dont even know where to look or go for help, my minds been that messed up i am actually now concerned it might just be all me.
Stercrazy Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 Ok......it's not all you. Although you share some responsibility its not ALL you. Secondly it sounds like she and her mom are codependents. Let me ask you a question..... How is her relationship with her mom?
na49 Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 I was in a similar relationship with my ex. She never admitted when she was wrong, and I always admitted when I was wrong. This led to every problem in the relationship being blamed on me. If I was uncomfortable about something she was doing, it was my fault. When she ended it with me, she sounded relieved, and I was stuck with a bunch of questions on what I did wrong. I'm sorry that you're going through this, but I doubt that every part of the relationship failing was your fault. A lot of the time I feel like our good intentions don't look as good to other people. This girl sounds pretty immature, and seriously having her mom text you? The deck is stacked against you here. You don't have much of a choice but to try to move on. Obviously don't text her anymore now. Have you considered talking to a counselor? You may find that you are like me and just don't love yourself. So whenever someone tells you that you are wrong, you believe them. Instead of having boundaries and knowing what is acceptable/unacceptable.
disrespected Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 Hi there, check out my post in general relationships "Aquarius Woman" I went through the same stuff as you,I think my ex has BPD. if I knew how to paste it in this message I would. theres some good comments there especially from salparadise. good luck man
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