alphamale Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 I didn't realize until this thread how much that must have affected my perception of dating in general. dude, i'm sure you know that you will eventually become your parents. you cannot do anything about it becasue your parents already ingrained things in you before you even had a say in it. you are them and they are you. i love to hear young people say "i'll never be like my parents". thing they don't know is that the seed has already been sown in them before they even hit high school age.
Author tanbark813 Posted April 8, 2005 Author Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter See, you don't know how that feels. That sucks ass, to know you are as good or even better than the people you're competing with for your job, but the person doesn't want to GIVE you a job because they know you will be taking 8-12 weeks off at some nebulous point in the future to suckle a newborn on your teat after squeezing a 7 lbs. baby out of your vag. I'm sure that does suck, and you're right, I don't know how that feels. Realistically though, if you have two people who are equally qualified, but one needs 8-12 weeks off and the other doesn't, obviously you're going to choose the one who doesn't. That's just how business works.
alphamale Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter And I feel more secure when a man acts like he is taking care of me. I want to be taken care of. The majority of women feel like this B_0. Even women who are high-powered attorneys making $300,000 per year. Even very successful women want a man who is as successful (or more) than them. THat is why they have such a hard time finding a man. BTW, TANBARK, excellent thread. Best once I've seen in a week.
laRubiaBonita Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 i think it is comical That practically ALL of Tanbark's threads are usually over 25 posts, as Tanbark does not let others have their own opinion, but has to beat his thoughts and beliefs till they are bloody.
AngelEyz Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Tambark needs to find a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend
RecordProducer Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 So we managed to divide people (and ourselves) into 4 main groups: 1. cheap guys 2. generous guys 3. women who want a provider 4. women who don't want a provider If a guy doesn't want to pay for my dinner, it makes me think "He goes out with so many women, if he paid for all of them, he would be broke by now; I don't need a guy who goes out with so many woman. Aren't I special enough or is he that stingy about money? He probably thinks 'this girl buys make-up and clothes to catch a husband, do I really have to pay for her dinner in order to get sex?'"
Author tanbark813 Posted April 8, 2005 Author Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale BTW, TANBARK, excellent thread. Best once I've seen in a week. Thanks. Originally posted by laRubiaBonita i think it is comical That practically ALL of Tanbark's threads are usually over 25 posts, as Tanbark does not let others have their own opinion, but has to beat his thoughts and beliefs till they are bloody. How am I beating my thoughts and beliefs any more than anyone else? I've been mainly asking questions because a lot of stuff doesn't make sense to me. Yes, I put my beliefs in this thread, but so have the majority of the posters. You're entitled to your own opinion, lRB, just as I am to mine.
HotCaliGirl Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 That is so cheap and disrespectful to ask someone out and then turn around expecting them to pitch in on the bill!!! When you invite someone to a concert, do you expect them to buy their own ticket too? I don't get it. Once you are in a relationship with the person, that's fine that whoever wants to pay pays and the girl can pitch in if she feels ok with it... If a guy can't afford to ask a girl out, then wait for a girl to ask you out so she knows what she is getting involved with in that situation. It's the thought and the gesture, not the amount of money that is involved that is key. Even if the bill was $10, if you expect a girl to take money out then what was the point of YOU inviting her? If she invites you, then she can pay but even that would be awkward during courtship if the man was a gentleman, as he would not ever allow her to pay for him, but I know most men are not a gentleman and would be more than happy to let the girl pay, and many women have no problem with that. That was SO tacky of the girl to say "only if you're buying"...I wouldn't even spend another minute with her. That is just trash material, gold-digger, dumb and a waste of timie to be with that type of a person. I can't believe you still went out with her. That is not something a girl without money would even say so that is no excuse. Nothing but trashy. Yuck.
Author tanbark813 Posted April 8, 2005 Author Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by HotCaliGirl That was SO tacky of the girl to say "only if you're buying"...I wouldn't even spend another minute with her. That is just trash material, gold-digger, dumb and a waste of timie to be with that type of a person. I can't believe you still went out with her. That is not something a girl without money would even say so that is no excuse. Nothing but trashy. Yuck. Well she apologized for phrasing it that way so it's all good. It's not like I never say stupid stuff.
Lonestar Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter On edit, thank GOD there are some women out there who have Dads who give a sh*t about their daughters!! Yeah, women like me are f*cked in this respect, b/c dad doesn't give a sh*t. But didn't you tell me in another thread that was a cop out?????
blind_otter Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by Lonestar Yeah, women like me are f*cked in this respect, b/c dad doesn't give a sh*t. But didn't you tell me in another thread that was a cop out????? I don't recall mentioning you directly Lonestar. I'm sorry that this happened to you, really. But I seriously didn't even think about you when I wrote that. And I was talking about sami saying I was full of sh*t about the Dad thing, and then being vindicated because two other posters agreed that they care about what their Dad thinks regarding prospective mates. Is that a good enough explanation?
Lonestar Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I don't recall mentioning you directly Lonestar. I'm sorry that this happened to you, really. But I seriously didn't even think about you when I wrote that. And I was talking about sami saying I was full of sh*t about the Dad thing, and then being vindicated because two other posters agreed that they care about what their Dad thinks regarding prospective mates. Is that a good enough explanation? Oh, I know you weren't mentioning or referring to me in your post b_o. Reading this made me remember the other thread where I posted about the effects fathers have on women and relationships. Something which can equally be applied here in the dating scenario, who pays for who, what dad thinks about it and how important his opinion is to you, etc. You told me that sort of view was a cop out when I pointed out how it can possibly affect women in a bad way, but reading this thread it seems to hold true for you in a positive way. That's a good thing, but it left me a bit perplexed.
blind_otter Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 I'm confused, because the other thread was more about the dynamics involved in maintaining a LTR and the blurring the gender roles, and how that affects the longterm committment. I suppose in a general way that is related to who pays for what etc. I am confused, though, what thread was it? I would like to read the discussion and I can't remember.
GirlDown Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 asking who would LIKE the guy to pay is a different question. these days, i think asking who would EXPECT the guy to pay would be nearly none, because while there used to be no contest, there is certainly is one now. i have found there few expectations left in dating. well, aside from putting out, that is.
Groovy Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Women aren't prostituting themselves. They are wanting their date to be doing things to show he isn't putting in a half assed effort of interest. Asking me to pay for a dinner because he wants to hang onto $30 bucks and blow it on something else is not flattering. He can take me for a walk on the beach or rent a movie if he's short on cash. I have dated men who make less than me and it doesn't bother me. I'm dating a teacher right now, it's not about money. I have my own house, 401K and I'd marry someone who makes thousands less than me. All I ask for is that he is generous in his heart. The whole issue of feeling like someone puts out when men open their wallets is a crazy. Anyone with decent self esteem or respect doesn't do it. I think few men feel like the "women owes them" and the "women should owe the man" unless they have issues. My BF mows my lawn, pays for dinner and is taking me on a cruise because he loves spending time with me with or without the sex, loves seeing me happy, enjoys giving and I enjoy giving back in my own ways with gifts and things I do. Generosity is a must and is there when you care for the other person. It can be shown in many ways if I am going to invest time in a partner. Paying is a gesture of interest, like an unspoken message in society. Just like opening the door for her or giving her a good night kiss.
alphamale Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by Groovy Generosity is a must and is there when you care for the other person. It can be shown in many ways if I am going to invest time in a partner. Paying is a gesture of interest, like an unspoken message in society. Just like opening the door for her or giving her a good night kiss. Word.
Lonestar Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I'm confused, because the other thread was more about the dynamics involved in maintaining a LTR and the blurring the gender roles, and how that affects the longterm committment. I suppose in a general way that is related to who pays for what etc. I am confused, though, what thread was it? I would like to read the discussion and I can't remember. I think this is it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=59612 I'm comparing it in this way... you have a certain way of looking at things, and your father's opinion factors into who you date and if you have a LTR with them. You look for the positive things in men that you're father would like. That is how your relationship with him has affected you, your outlook, and your choices. My point in that old thread was essentially the same. Bad fathers also influence how women look at things, who they date, and the choices they sometimes make in men, but it a bad way. edited to say this has nothing to do with who pays for what when a couple goes out, but in response to your comments about your dad and how it factors into your choices.
babybear Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Come on, what girl doesn't want the guy to pick up the tab? BUT, if we get dinner, and then drinks, I'll definitely offer to get at least one round.... I find that if you offer, they'll probably say NO anyways! Babybear
RecordProducer Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by HotCaliGirl That was SO tacky of the girl to say "only if you're buying"...I wouldn't even spend another minute with her. That is just trash material, gold-digger, dumb and a waste of timie to be with that type of a person. Nothing but trashy. Yuck. I think any decent guy wouldn't go out with a girl who talks like this for somebody's girlfriend in his presence. If you demand class and generosity from a guy then be classy yourself and not so generous on the poisonous words. I think she might have put it the wrong way, but it sounds rather casual and after all, she was honest. If she were a gold digger she would be hanging out with gold owners! Tanbark, I advise you to invite her to your place for dinner (but don't forget to tell her "are you cooking tonight?!" cuz she is the woman..so you did your part, now it's her turn!
Author tanbark813 Posted April 8, 2005 Author Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Tanbark, I advise you to invite her to your place for dinner (but don't forget to tell her "are you cooking tonight?!" cuz she is the woman..so you did your part, now it's her turn! That would be awesome. Actually, I don't mind cooking for my women as long as they handle the dessert portion of the evening.
RecordProducer Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 Actually, I don't mind cooking for my women as long as they handle the dessert portion of the evening. I can imagine: - sausage for the entree - cucumber for salad - banana for dessert (with whipped cream)
Hund1976 Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 I've met a few girls who are all for women's rights and equal pay and employment opportunities, but are also the first to bitch if a man won't buy them a drink. Because God forbid a girl should ever have to pay for something like that. The year is 2005, times are changing. Dating should be more equal.
RecordProducer Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 It's interesting that most of us shout "he should pay for everything", but if we talked about cooking, many women (with a congenital defect in the cooking center in the brain) will say that cooking degrades women!
moimeme Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 [color=green]If my Dad found out that I was seeing someone who wasn't paying for things, he would etc.[/color] quote:Originally posted by sami that sholud be your dad's own problem then. [color=green]That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. .[/color] Actually, it was pretty funny. This is what I mean by my remarks earlier. People who are still looking to Dad to help pick their mates may well still be expecting to be taken care of. Sure it's nice if Dad likes your beau, but Dad won't be living with him so his opinion only counts so much. This works for all professionals Yes but not for mail boys. On a side note, I think this is one of the few threads where moimeme and I are in total agreement. Feels wierd, doesn't it? Well yeah, but given the age we live in, these things are indicators of maturity for either gender. Guys don't like dating girls that are losers any more than girls like dating guys that are losers That's what I figure. Ok, so let's see if I have this correct: Women want equal pay in the workplace. BUT, if she can't afford her own place it's because it's too expensive. If a guy can't afford his own place, it's because he's immature. Equality in the workplace shouldn't spill over into dating because they're 2 different realms. BUT, women shouldn't be expected to stay in the kitchen and make babies. And for some reason while equality is fine for salaries and marriage, it's not okay in terms of dating. ROTFLMAO dude, i'm sure you know that you will eventually become your parents. you cannot do anything about it becasue your parents already ingrained things in you before you even had a say in it. you are them and they are you. And thank heavens for that! An evolved man! i think it is comical That practically ALL of Tanbark's threads are usually over 25 posts, as Tanbark does not let others have their own opinion, but has to beat his thoughts and beliefs till they are bloody. This sort of thing is usually said by people who don't understand that 'discussion' involves several rounds of responses from all concerned, and that just because the thread starter disagrees with you and continues to do so, this does not mean he (or she) is 'beating his thoughts and beliefs'. Tambark needs to find a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend And when will you turn 10?
GirlDown Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 Originally posted by Groovy Women aren't prostituting themselves. They are wanting their date to be doing things to show he isn't putting in a half assed effort of interest. Asking me to pay for a dinner because he wants to hang onto $30 bucks and blow it on something else is not flattering. He can take me for a walk on the beach or rent a movie if he's short on cash. I have dated men who make less than me and it doesn't bother me. I'm dating a teacher right now, it's not about money. I have my own house, 401K and I'd marry someone who makes thousands less than me. All I ask for is that he is generous in his heart. The whole issue of feeling like someone puts out when men open their wallets is a crazy. Anyone with decent self esteem or respect doesn't do it. I think few men feel like the "women owes them" and the "women should owe the man" unless they have issues. My BF mows my lawn, pays for dinner and is taking me on a cruise because he loves spending time with me with or without the sex, loves seeing me happy, enjoys giving and I enjoy giving back in my own ways with gifts and things I do. Generosity is a must and is there when you care for the other person. It can be shown in many ways if I am going to invest time in a partner. Paying is a gesture of interest, like an unspoken message in society. Just like opening the door for her or giving her a good night kiss. not sure if this was to me, cause it came right after mine, but i sincerely hope not, because i said it tongue-in-cheek.
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