alphamale Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter What happened to being "courted"??? I have vag. You want vag. You impress me until my flower opens. then you can plunder in my pudding. I thought that's how the world works. And I hang out with guy friends all the time, and make sure to pay for my OWN stuff, that way it's clear that we are JUST FRIENDS. My point exactly B_0. I love all these progressive feminists that think they change change human behaviour, human nature and human biology.
Author tanbark813 Posted April 7, 2005 Author Posted April 7, 2005 Well she brought up the phone conversation last night at dinner. I ended up paying for dinner. She bought drinks at the bar the rest of the night. Just walked in the door 15 minutes ago. Man, I need to get ready for work.
Lonestar Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 I always offer to pay part of the tab, although I'm guilty of forgetting at times, but when it does hit me, I insist on paying the next time. If a guy I'm with refuses to let me pay, then I back off. Who am I to argue? LOL
alphamale Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by Lonestar I always offer to pay part of the tab, although I'm guilty of forgetting at times, but when it does hit me, I insist on paying the next time. If a guy I'm with refuses to let me pay, then I back off. Who am I to argue? LOL few yrs ago i went out with this chick. the bill comes and i get out my credit card and she says "oh, it's OK, let me take care of it". I say "no, i asked u out so I got it". Then she says "oh don't worry, this is on me". So I'm like "sure, you can pay if u really want to". The she whips out a $50 bill and pays the tab. later on a few hrs later at her crib we're makeing out and shyt (no sex) and she says to me "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET ME PAY THE CHECK". I think to myself WTF? I was already taking care of it why did you offer to pay. She said she was testing me and according to her I failed her "test"
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale few yrs ago i went out with this chick. the bill comes and i get out my credit card and she says "oh, it's OK, let me take care of it". I say "no, i asked u out so I got it". Then she says "oh don't worry, this is on me". So I'm like "sure, you can pay if u really want to". The she whips out a $50 bill and pays the tab. later on a few hrs later at her crib we're makeing out and shyt (no sex) and she says to me "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET ME PAY THE CHECK". I think to myself WTF? I was already taking care of it why did you offer to pay. She said she was testing me and according to her I failed her "test" Thats sneaky! What a bitch! She sounds CRAAAAAZZZZZY!!!!! The other night I went out on a date and the guy paid for the dinner and I paid for the movie. Not really even, but i still paid for something. Thats what I usually do, You pay for something I Pay for something. I think thats fair.
Lonestar Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale few yrs ago i went out with this chick. the bill comes and i get out my credit card and she says "oh, it's OK, let me take care of it". I say "no, i asked u out so I got it". Then she says "oh don't worry, this is on me". So I'm like "sure, you can pay if u really want to". The she whips out a $50 bill and pays the tab. later on a few hrs later at her crib we're makeing out and shyt (no sex) and she says to me "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET ME PAY THE CHECK". I think to myself WTF? I was already taking care of it why did you offer to pay. She said she was testing me and according to her I failed her "test" That's the most stupid and manipulative thing I've heard on this subject. What kind of stupid test is that? I hope you didn't see her again. I always offer to pay but never push the subject and I do like if a guy pays, but I also like to feel like I'm participating in the courtship at times. If I do end up picking up the tab, the fact that I did doesn't cross my mind for another minute.
alphamale Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue Thats sneaky! What a bitch! She sounds CRAAAAAZZZZZY!!!!! yes, she turned out to be a nutcase anyways, only went out with her one time after that. The other night I went out on a date and the guy paid for the dinner and I paid for the movie. Not really even, but i still paid for something. Thats what I usually do, You pay for something I Pay for something. I think thats fair. This is a good compromise IHNFC. Last Sat I went out whith that chick i posted about. I paid for dinner ($80) and then the first bar tab ($30). She took care of the second bar tab at our last stop which was like $25. I'm cool with that.
Bronzepen Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 It's better to save the dinner date for date number 3 or 4, if it last that long. 1st dates should be coffee shops. It's cheap and you both can size up if there is any potential in the relationship. 2nd dates can be free admission museums, walk in the park (weather permitting), local festivals (pick any). Little or no money forked over by both sides. By the 3rd or 4th date dinner is on. By this time you are somewhat comfortable with the person and any awkwardness as to who will pay the tab will be diminished. Man will offer, woman will counter offer. Depending on who gives in first, doesn't matter. Or someone can just say, hey can you pick up the check and I will get the next one. Your both at a level where you feel comfortable. Now, there is no perfect scenario and maybe by the 3 or 4 date you may still get feel uncomfortable but this could be a warning that this relationship may not work out. My point is, save the dinner for later. First work on the chemistry, if any.
alphamale Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen It's better to save the dinner date for date number 3 or 4, if it last that long. 1st dates should be coffee shops. It's cheap and you both can size up if there is any potential in the relationship. 2nd dates can be free admission museums, walk in the park (weather permitting), local festivals (pick any). Little or no money forked over by both sides. By the 3rd or 4th date dinner is on. i don't know what kinda women you hang with BRONZEPENCIL but if I did this to the women I date (lawyers, businesswomen, etc....) I'd be laughed out of town!!!! Coffee shop for a 1st date. WTF!!!!! That may fly if you're both poor college students.
RecordProducer Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Okay, let me explain my theory. When a woman refuses the guy to pay $50 for her dinner, it's like giving him the message "that's too much for you to do for me, then I'll feel obliged to go to bed with you". The guy gets the impression that the woman can be bought with $50, but not this time. We all know it's more convenient for us to not pay. So when a woman offers to pay for herself it's denying herself. She makes a big deal out of 50 bucks. She not only shows that 50 bucks are a lot for her (which means she's financially sensitive), but also that if the guy lets her pay this time, but buys her a $50 present, he's done a lot for her. Just like if a guy you don't like offers you a diamond necklace, you would refuse it cuz you don't want to sleep with him. So now it's the same case but with only a dinner instead of a diamond necklace. They get the impression that the woman doesn't respect herself much. She should create an atmosphere around herself that he can shower her with expensive presents and she will still be allowed to say "NO" to the guy. It's not a big deal he's done for her, he only spent a lot of money on her, so what? That's the kind of woman men respect. A woman who values herself highly. No dinner or any monetary gifts will make her be grateful and loving. It's just a beginning. You girls have the same goal, but use the wrong means to achieve it. Men appreciate women who think high of themselves.
Topaze Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 When I was in my late teens/ early twenties and I was going to school and so was the guy, I had no problem with dutch treat. We were both starting out. Well that cost me BIG TIME and I ended up in a marriage where he not only expected dutch treat but I had to shoulder the bulk of the financial burden. It was absolute and total HELL!! Now my philosophy is he don't pay, I don't go. If a man in his 30s and 40s is not doing well enough to be able to afford to take someone out for an evening, he certainly won't be able to support a wife and carry the load financially when she has a baby or small children. So, if the bill comes and it's "how do you want to split this" while I probably won't make a scene, the next time he asks me out the answer will be no. I have friends who aren't that polite they would say, let me think about it and excuse themsevles and never come back.
Author tanbark813 Posted April 7, 2005 Author Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Men appreciate women who think high of themselves. True, but in my mind that has nothing to do with who pays for what. The two are totally unrelated.
alphamale Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 True, but in my mind that has nothing to do with who pays for what. The two are totally unrelated. Look TANBARK, this is the way it works, OK? You take the woman out and pay for most of the expenses and she repays you in other ways like making you dinners or giving you sex or buying you that nice $85 dollar shirt you saw at Nordstroms. It all evens out in the end. And also remember that women have many many more expenses than men do when it comes to dating. They need the clothes, shoes, cosmetics, hair, manicures, pedicures, facials, etc.... and they pay for these by themselves. A man does not have that many expenses in getting prepped for a date. So assumeing this woman you're going out with is any good, she's probably spent some big buck$ on the date before you even picked her up. The least the man can do is pick up the check. Now if you've been dating for six months then it is a different matter.
Author tanbark813 Posted April 7, 2005 Author Posted April 7, 2005 Look ALPHAMALE, this is my point, OK? I've said numerous times I don't mind paying, I just don't like that it was verbally expressed that it was expected. She admitted last night that that was wrong. I still bought dinner. She picked up a couple drinks. The night ended well. I have no complaints today. Besides, I spend plenty of money on clothes myself. It's not cheap looking this pimp.
alphamale Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 I've said numerous times I don't mind paying, I just don't like that it was verbally expressed that it was expected. She admitted last night that that was wrong. Besides, I spend plenty of money on clothes myself. It's not cheap looking this pimp. Word
blind_otter Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 True, but in my mind that has nothing to do with who pays for what. The two are totally unrelated. I was just talking about this in the hallway outside my office because I have multiple ways to goof off here. I liken it to "feats of strength" men had to do back in the day to impress women into giving up their vag.
Author tanbark813 Posted April 7, 2005 Author Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I liken it to "feats of strength" men had to do back in the day to impress women into giving up their vag. And that's where the karaoke portion of the evening comes into play.
EC Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 I liken it to "feats of strength" men had to do back in the day to impress women into giving up their vag. That reminds me of those new M&M commercials. The new Amazing M&M bar where they have to do tricks to get the bag to open. Well show me feat of strength and maybe my legs will open! lmao I don't know?? I will put the blunt down now!
blind_otter Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by EC That reminds me of those new M&M commercials. The new Amazing M&M bar where they have to do tricks to get the bag to open. Well show me feat of strength and maybe my legs will open! lmao I don't know?? I will put the blunt down now! Oh like that freaky little girl who does that weird thing with her lower body?? Heeeeeh!
moimeme Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 , it's like giving him the message "that's too much for you to do for me, then I'll feel obliged to go to bed with you". The guy gets the impression that the woman can be bought with $50, but not this time. We all know it's more convenient for us to not pay. So when a woman offers to pay for herself it's denying herself. She makes a big deal out of 50 bucks. She not only shows that 50 bucks are a lot for her (which means she's financially sensitive), but also that if the guy lets her pay this time, but buys her a $50 present, he's done a lot for her. Just like if a guy you don't like offers you a diamond necklace, you would refuse it cuz you don't want to sleep with him. So now it's the same case but with only a dinner instead of a diamond necklace. They get the impression that the woman doesn't respect herself much. That is just stupid. I think it's much less respectful of oneself to play the poor helpless little female that can't manage to take care of her own self. You girls have the same goal, but use the wrong means to achieve it. Men appreciate women who think high of themselves. But, oddly, not women who think well enough of themselves to be happy about their financial independence, according to you. So let's get this straight. A female who expects a man to be a slave respects him for behaving like a puppy for her? I'm that kind of oddball that would not want a man to feel he has to win me. To me, that's making a perfectly respectable human behave like a pet looking for treats. And if he's veeeeery gooood and pays for all my goodies, I might pat his head? No. Sorry. I prefer to respect my partner and myself by not treating him that way and not having to despise myself for treating him that way.
XNemesisX Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 This is the way it is for me: The guys asks me out and wants me to pay, even if it is dutch....there will be no second date much less any sex going on. No faster way to make me lose interest than be a cheapskate. Alphamale and R.P. (there may be some others too) I agree with you all 100%. I'm sorry everybody else, this is the way it is. If you other ladies don't care if the guy thinks enough of you to pick up the tab then I do think you may not think highly enough of yourself, you don't deserve it, or your "vag" is not worth much. I have fell off the face of several guys' earths after they had me pay. I will respect the man much more if he pays and I can see he is not a cheapwad. True that as the relationship evolves, then both can pay and it's no big deal. In the beginning, the men should always pay if he wants any respect from the woman. (and I'm pretty sure most women agree with this too, as all of my female friends feel this way too about the topic). As I have said on another thread about this same topic, I was brought up to believe that the men pay during courtships because the bride's family is supposed to pay for the wedding. The groom's family is supposed to pay for the honeymoon, but this is never anywhere near as much as the wedding. So assumeing this woman you're going out with is any good, she's probably spent some big buck$ on the date before you even picked her up. The least the man can do is pick up the check. Yes this is true! I'm sure most of you ladies also buy a new outfit, buy cosmetics, get your hair done, nails done etc and the man does what? Maybe buys a new outfit (men's clothes are cheaper than women's) and put some gel in their hair. In the end, it does even out I think. Instead of just nice guys finish last, it should be cheap guys finish last too because no woman that I know personally, myself included, will give a guy unwilling or even hesitant to pay for dates a second glance.
Groovy Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 I've dated about 40 people in my life and ONCE the man did not pay for the few dates. I used to expect the man to pay, but it's wrong. I don't want to make anyone to feel I'm a gold digger mooching off them. Once I start dating someone for a few months I don't mind paying for them on occassion. However, often the guys I date get upset if I don't want him paying, it's like I am refusing the invitation of interest. I will say if he doesn't pay, I think he can't be that interested in me. However, if a man is in grad school or just short on cash I am happy if he bakes me cookies or does something to show he cares. So my advice is if you like someone, do SOMETHING that's not about you. One guy I know is off the dating market because he is short on cash. SO despite all else he has going for him he won't date. It's a shame.
XNemesisX Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 One guy I know is off the dating market because he is short on cash. SO despite all else he has going for him he won't date. It's a shame. You know what my dad says about that? "If the guy has no cash he shouldn't be dating." So, if your broke I guess you shouldn't ask a woman out until you have some money. Anyway, you can't exactly be ready for marriage if you aren't financially stable so I guess he should wait until he starts working. Oh and I almost forgot! Tanbark: I totally disagree with that. It's about impressing each other, not me proving I'm worthy of her. Of course I'm out to f*ck her, but last time I checked, girls enjoy sex too. Yes we might enjoy it too but I will tell you this much. Sexual desire in a woman vanishes once she realizes the guy doesn't want to pay for dates. Men that act like they don't want to pay will get the sexual appeal of a cyclops.
Author tanbark813 Posted April 8, 2005 Author Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by YX32Nemesis Yes we might enjoy it too but I will tell you this much. Sexual desire in a woman vanishes once she realizes the guy doesn't want to pay for dates. Men that act like they don't want to pay will get the sexual appeal of a cyclops. First off, learn to read. I do pay. Secondly, not only do most girls I date chip in a bit (a round of drinks here or there) but they also don't withhold the 'vag' because of that. Only gold-diggers' sexual desire vanishes once they realize the guy doesn't want to pay for absolutely everything, and I don't date gold-diggers anyway. Finally, how can it be said that a guy is a cheapskate for not paying but the girl isn't?? It's funny how a lot of women only want the upsides of equality. They want equal pay in the workforce but still want the man to pay for everything. It's one or the other.
Groovy Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 It's not about money. There are certain gestures in society that indicate whether a person is interested. For many people paying for a woman's dinner is one of them.
Recommended Posts