LittleMiss Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 yeah I think I always say stuff like that sometimes!
blind_otter Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Personally, I don't care. I will pay for myself. But then he has to work harder to seduce the poon tang. Honestly it does make me think less of a man when he doesn't pay for me. I will offer but I fully expect him to say, no way, I am paying.
tiki Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I mean, why ask someone out if you're not going to pay? Ain't no way I'm givin it up if he's a tight-ass.
EC Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Ain't no way I'm givin it up if he's a tight-ass. So what your saying is 'want a loose poo tang have a loose wallet' LMAO jk
LittleMiss Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by tiki Why ask someone out if you're not going to pay? Exactly! I mean I would be pissed if a guy asked me out and then for him to actually expect me to pay for it WTF? I would offer anyways, but any real man wouldn't accept it even if I insisted. Unless he's cheap!
clynn Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 But see, if she just said she was short on cash, then that gives me the opportunity to say that I can cover it. That way she saves money and I get to feel like a good guy. Everyone wins. But telling me ahead of time I am to pay just makes me a walking/talking meal ticket. It's the expectation that bothers me, not the paying itself. I totally disagree with that. It's about impressing each other, not me proving I'm worthy of her. Of course I'm out to f*ck her, but last time I checked, girls enjoy sex too. Well, I am quite prideful so I would have a VERY difficult time telling a guy that I was short on cash. In fact, I have a VERY difficult time dating someone who I think might be in a stronger financial situation than I. It makes me feel insecure and is not something I am accustomed to. I would never want a guy to think I was after his money or that I couldn't, in the longer term, pull my weight in a relationship. Kind of my own money issues because I changed careers and now am working for less money, more satisfaction, and still struggling with the changed financial situation. Am attempting to figure out how to resolve this. However, I also pull out my money immediately after dinner and jump on covering my part of the bill. Depends on the guy on his reaction. I wonder if some guys are uncomfortable picking up the tab when I readily am forward on paying my bit ? After a while it is nice if it begins to go sometimes you pay, sometimes I do. But it is expensive. However, it was rude of her to put it out like that. (and if you had already been putting out the tab than clearly you were comfortable with that anyhow). Could be she realized it was coming up to her turn, felt uncomfortable saying she doesn't have the dough, and so put it out that way. Regardless, no matter how broke you are, you can always find something cheaper to do for a date. As long as you're not too forceful on WHAT you are doing and so if she is going to offer to pay it might be better for her to suggest a place for you to go. Or you suggesting a real inexpensive place. (then again that might just be recipe for her not feeling guilty since it was an inexpensive date). Ooops, there are my guilt / paying issues again. But my personal expectations for big fancy dates aren't that high. The real swindlers taking me out for big fancy dinners I find want just that....sex. They aren't necessarily as interested in relationship building. (which is alright sometimes, don't get me wrong....) If I don't want to have sex after he paid for dinner I certainly won't. In fact, if he's into sex or more anything, relatinship, whatever,... than I usually REALLY want to pay. Hmmm, sounds like I'm just more comfortable paying. I just need more money!
tiki Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I've had a lot of men say "It's okay, you can treat next time". You should say that to her. Then chose an expensive ass restaurant.
Author tanbark813 Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by tiki I mean, why ask someone out if you're not going to pay? Ain't no way I'm givin it up if he's a tight-ass. I do pay. It would just be nice if she at least offered. Doesn't her not paying make her a tight-ass? Originally posted by clynn However, it was rude of her to put it out like that. (and if you had already been putting out the tab than clearly you were comfortable with that anyhow). Could be she realized it was coming up to her turn, felt uncomfortable saying she doesn't have the dough, and so put it out that way. Yeah, I'm hoping that's what it was.
tiki Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 Doesn't her not paying make her a tight-ass? I guess not until she asks you out, technically. Or she could take the easy road, and never do that. I still think what she said was rude. It may be a 'given' that you would pay, but she still could've gone without saying what she said.
Mz. Pixie Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I'm with some of the other ladies, in the beginning- if you're asking me out- I expect you to pay. If I ask you out, I would pay. Once it's a committed relationship then I expect to pay from time to time. For instance, this last weekend I stopped at the grocery and bought $50.00 worth of stuff for dinners at bf's house this weekend. I also picked up detergent and stuff for him while I was there- and I didn't ask to be reimbursed. He then bought lunch and breakfast over the weekend. He knows that I'm a single mom on a tight budget so he doesn't expect me to pay but when I can I offer and he appreciates it.
Author tanbark813 Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by tiki I guess not until she asks you out, technically. Or she could take the easy road, and never do that. That could be part of my problem then. I never think of it as who asked whom out. I always just think of it as going out together.
juliainoz Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I am in Australia so my views are a little different. At the moment I am dating a man who probably earns 3 times as much as me, but I, even though Im a single mum with a mortgage of my own, I offer to pay all of my meals, or at least put a bit towards it. For example on tuesday night at dinner, he paid for most of dinner, but I gave him $10, and then bought his movie ticket (it was cheap day for movie tickets) and then he paid for coffee later. He spent just a little bit more on me, but i feel more independent paying for at least some of my meal, and I dont feel Im dating someone just for the money in their wallet. I would never assume a man was going to buy my meal, even if he asked me out for dinner - the guy im dating has always asked me out - and ive paid at least something everytime we have gone out - I think he appreciates im not some sponge expecting him to keep me in money stakes.
Author tanbark813 Posted April 7, 2005 Author Posted April 7, 2005 I need to move to Australia. Smart women and good accents to boot.
clynn Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Wow, juliainoz I thought I was the only woman who was more accustomed / comfortable paying her way. I was beginning to think I was doing something wrong!!!
RecordProducer Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 I haven't paid for my drinks or dinners since college time. Girls spend money on make-up and cosmeticians, guys on drinks and food.
moimeme Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 I would never want a guy to think I was after his money or that I couldn't, in the longer term, pull my weight in a relationship. i feel more independent paying for at least some of my meal, and I dont feel Im dating someone just for the money in their wallet I'm exactly the same. Insisting the man pay for everything is a throwback, to me, to an earlier time when women couldn't fend for themselves. I truly appreciate it when someone offers to treat and I've had people insist they do - but then I'll find something to do in return, like give a gift. As for the beginning, I'd be even more inclined to pay my way in the beginning until we were in a relationship. It's afterward when we are together that I figure it's fine for one to pay - because you both know you'll be around still to take your turn?
alphamale Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 if a female does not let me pay fully on the first 3 or 4 dates then I assume she is not that interested. most of the time when women pay it means there is no chemistry and they don't want to be indebted to the guy.
clynn Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Geez, its a shame to hear that Alpha Male. Are we all just running around making wrong assumptions ? Cuz if you were out with me and I pulled out the cash for my share you might think I wasn't interested? And that'd be the end of something that could have continued to be enjoyed. Truth is, if I've even been out with you 3 or 4 times then I'm DEFINITELY interested. I'm probably even MORE concerned about paying with a guy I really dig cuz it is Really Important for me to let him know that the time we are spending together is as valuable to me as him. I've had my share of free dinners and fine wine and if I wasn't interested in a guy I'd sooner enjoy my own company and take care of myself. My time is the best expression of interest I can give a guy of my interest up front. Nothing else compares. As Moimeme said, I'm more inclined to feel comfortable accepting gifts down the road than right up front like that. (Don't get me wrong, if he offers and is really comfortable paying, then I am happy to be treated.....but it soon creates an inbalance and a feeling of indebtedness that can get in the way of the relationship building / getting to know someone). Stresses me out.
moimeme Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 And, IMHO, it's not fair to men to expect them to fork over cash all the time. It plays so much into the cartoon caricature of men and women (picturing Dagwood and Blondie now - which is a much better image to take to bed than multicoloured rear chutes).
RecordProducer Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Alphamale, I like your point. As a matter of fact, girls, by showing the guy "don't you dare think that I expect from you to pay for me like in old times and as if I can't fend for myself!" you are showing them that you're the bitchy type of women that will stand up for their rights and bite their heads off in a heartbeat only if they say one wrong thing. Men don't like those kind of women, just like we don't like the guy's guy extreme case. Furthermore, you're paying for yourself just to prove your point, not because you're sorry if he spends his money on you. Guys are not dumb, they feel that selfish trait of yours. Besides, if a man can't afford to wine me and dine me, I don't want to be with him. I am out of my college days when we all drank beer on the bench in the park...I am 30 and have two kids now. Actually if he is reluctant to pay for me or buy me presents, it means he doesn't care about me. Actually I had a BF like that; he bought $1 teddy bears for my kids and a CD for my B/day, as if he is in elementary school, not someone who makes $70,000 a year. Someone said "I don't want him to think that I am after his money"...sure, he will think because of $35 he spent on you that you are after his money. If he is wealthy, it will cross his mind anyway. If he is not then what money are we talking about? Finally, the guys you attract by NOT letting them pay for you are the ones who are not very giving and respectful.
juliainoz Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 I have no problem with a man paying my way if they want to - but there is no way im going to expect, and just because i offer to pay my way - doesnt mean the man is interested in me any less, or im interested in them any less. I accept gifts, like the guy im dating came around easter sunday with an easter egg for me, did i accept it? of course i did, did i give him one back? no - but it was cool with both of us. I think each person is each to their own - but i dont know how you can assume just because "i offer and actually do pay for my meal" that i am lets see if i can quote "As a matter of fact, girls, by showing the guy "don't you dare think that I expect from you to pay for me like in old times and as if I can't fend for myself!" you are showing them that you're the bitchy type of women that will stand up for their rights and bite their heads off in a heartbeat only if they say one wrong thing. Men don't like those kind of women, just like we don't like the guy's guy extreme case. Furthermore, you're paying for yourself just to prove your point, not because you're sorry if he spends his money on you. Guys are not dumb, they feel that selfish trait of yours." First of all - i am not a bitchy kind of woman - i am warm and affectionate to this man, but i also do not phone this man 100 times a day and am not with him all the time - because i like my space just as much as he does. I would describe myself as a loving woman who has been bitten way too many times. Your saying men dont like women like me? well true I have dated many men - but I have been one of those ladies who do everything men ask, let them pay for me, have bought them things, basically been a good little girlfriend - and where has that got me? a single mum who has a 2 year old. This man I am dating is used to me offering to pay, but I have let him buy coffee's and drinks at times - but im not about to expect him to pay for every meal I eat - like me he has a child to support and a mortgage. If he didnt like me he wouldnt keep on asking me if i liked the pace we were going, constantly asked how i thought we were going, make dates for the next time before the date even ended, and call me when he says he will, and show up at the exact same time, and talk to me most nights on im, as he knows im on doing my study. Also if he didnt like me he wouldnt be affectionate to me, or tell his ex wife and his parents about me in great length either. To tell you the truth the boys that have constantly bought me flowers, chocolates, and a dinner here there and everywhere have been the least respective men to me eg - had me chasing them, and then dumping me after they got to know me and my son and got everything they want. Yes this man has enough money to wine and dine me, but just because he earns that money doesnt mean that he doesnt have to spend that on me - i prefer men to show me in other ways than monetary ways - like cuddle and kiss me, and talk to me, and just want to spend time with me -t hat is more important than a thousand dinners!
alphamale Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by clynn Truth is, if I've even been out with you 3 or 4 times then I'm DEFINITELY interested. And how exactly do you find out after being out on 3 or 4 dates that u DEFINITELY are interested in someone. You may know you are physically attracted but what about the other 99% of the person? You figure that out in spending 10 hours with a man? WTF?!?!? I have been out with a woman 3 or 4 or even 5 times and then one of us decides not to see each other. Happens all the time. I don't assume that a woman digs me just cause we have gone on 4 dates together. Originally posted by RecordProducer Men don't like those kind of women, Finally, the guys you attract by NOT letting them pay for you are the ones who are not very giving and respectful. You are correct R.P. We don't like them. Men have a ingrown need to provide and take care of a woman and if she is dumb enuf to not know that then she's not my kind of broad.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 What about if the girl askes the guy out? Is the woman expected to pay?
blind_otter Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 I would assume as much.... Then again, if I am out with someone and they don't want to pay for me, then I assume they are not interested in me. What happened to being "courted"??? I have vag. You want vag. You impress me until my flower opens. then you can plunder in my pudding. I thought that's how the world works. And I hang out with guy friends all the time, and make sure to pay for my OWN stuff, that way it's clear that we are JUST FRIENDS.
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