mnrdgz Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 (edited) My ex broke up with me about a month ago. I've been trying to remain NC but I have had medical issues. She found out I'm assuming through mutual friends. She has texted me asking how I've been and how my medical issues have been. I tried to ignore but felt immature. I responded very business like. I told her my diagnosis and status. Each time she kept trying to go to regular talking with emoticons and lols. This past issue she told me she could come visit me in the ER. I denied her. She asked if I'd rather be alone. I stopped replying. I still care for and respect her a lot. I passed through the angry phase, and have been looping between sad, and acceptance. I feel immature just dropping the conversation. She is only asking me about medical issues. I'm sure she is concerned. If I was in her shoes, I'd be upset if I didn't receive a response. At this point I have accepted that she got the GIGS, I wasn't providing a good, and stable relationship due to losing myself to anxiety and depression. I understand why leaving the relationship became more appealing. I honestly can't blame her. I still hold hope, yet it comes with the realistic thought that she would have to regain my trust, which I think would require a lot of work from both parties. She'd have to prove to me that she is willing to put that much effort in our relationship. I'm no longer acting based on trying to get her back. I thought about it and decided to write her an email. I explained what I have discovered in the past few months about myself. I explained the source of my anxiety and depression. I explained why I acted the way I did during our relationship, and how most of it was having an unhealthy way to cope with my feeling of failure. I apologized for my wrongdoings. I explained that I saw where we had both mishandled the situation. I told her I was happy for having experienced our relationship and that I wished her the best. I then went on to explain that the reason behind this email was to explain to her and have her understand where I'm at right now. That I need to focus on myself, and that I still hurt when I hear from her. I told her that I needed time for myself, and therefore needed her to stop contacting me. I told her that I hope we will be able to become good friends in the future, but that I'm not ready for that right now. I told her I would pack all the stuff I still have of her and asked her to decide on how to split our mutual belongings through email. This way I would be able to put it all together and she would be able to pick it all up in one trip. I sent it to her yesterday. I haven't heard back. I know this is the road to recovery but it was something that was really hard for me to do. I know it's for the best, yet I still continue to doubt my actions. What do you guys think about the email? Too Lazy; Didn't Read I wrote an email to my ex explaining what went on in my head through the anxiety/depression that caused me to act as I did (needy, controlling, negative, overly critical). I told her that I needed to focus on me, and asked her to stop contacting me. I'm now having second thoughts about the email. What are your opinions on writing her an email with that content? Edited February 27, 2015 by mnrdgz Adding TL;DR
Mi7522 Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 My ex broke up with me about a month ago. I've been trying to remain NC but I have had medical issues. She found out I'm assuming through mutual friends. She has texted me asking how I've been and how my medical issues have been. I tried to ignore but felt immature. I responded very business like. I told her my diagnosis and status. Each time she kept trying to go to regular talking with emoticons and lols. This past issue she told me she could come visit me in the ER. I denied her. She asked if I'd rather be alone. I stopped replying. I still care for and respect her a lot. I passed through the angry phase, and have been looping between sad, and acceptance. I feel immature just dropping the conversation. She is only asking me about medical issues. I'm sure she is concerned. If I was in her shoes, I'd be upset if I didn't receive a response. At this point I have accepted that she got the GIGS, I wasn't providing a good, and stable relationship due to losing myself to anxiety and depression. I understand why leaving the relationship became more appealing. I honestly can't blame her. I still hold hope, yet it comes with the realistic thought that she would have to regain my trust, which I think would require a lot of work from both parties. She'd have to prove to me that she is willing to put that much effort in our relationship. I'm no longer acting based on trying to get her back. I thought about it and decided to write her an email. I explained what I have discovered in the past few months about myself. I explained the source of my anxiety and depression. I explained why I acted the way I did during our relationship, and how most of it was having an unhealthy way to cope with my feeling of failure. I apologized for my wrongdoings. I explained that I saw where we had both mishandled the situation. I told her I was happy for having experienced our relationship and that I wished her the best. I then went on to explain that the reason behind this email was to explain to her and have her understand where I'm at right now. That I need to focus on myself, and that I still hurt when I hear from her. I told her that I needed time for myself, and therefore needed her to stop contacting me. I told her that I hope we will be able to become good friends in the future, but that I'm not ready for that right now. I told her I would pack all the stuff I still have of her and asked her to decide on how to split our mutual belongings through email. This way I would be able to put it all together and she would be able to pick it all up in one trip. I sent it to her yesterday. I haven't heard back. I know this is the road to recovery but it was something that was really hard for me to do. I know it's for the best, yet I still continue to doubt my actions. What do you guys think about the email? Too Lazy; Didn't Read I wrote an email to my ex explaining what went on in my head through the anxiety/depression that caused me to act as I did (needy, controlling, negative, overly critical). I told her that I needed to focus on me, and asked her to stop contacting me. I'm now having second thoughts about the email. What are your opinions on writing her an email with that content? IMO you should not have sent her anything. She broke up with you which means she does not want you in her life romantically. I struggled with doing something similiiar but ultimately I did not text, email or call her after the BU. If you feel better that you've sent the email then hopefully it will help you heal. From now on though your only focus is on you to get healthy and get yourself back on your feet. As hard as it is to do you must continue NC until you become indifferent towards her. I still struggle with contacting her but I know deep down nothing good will come of it. Stay strong and true to yourself and you will be much better for it
d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 If your e-mail truly said, thanks for the inquiries but I need you to leave me alone while I address my medical issues you can't actually expect a reply. Her silence is her acknowledgement that she got your message & is leaving you alone. 1
Author mnrdgz Posted February 27, 2015 Author Posted February 27, 2015 Well she needs to contact me with what she wants out of the split. We bought a lot of stuff together. She still has a lot of clothes here. I'd prefer to hear from her in a ****ed up masochist way, but she will most likely do it through a mutual friend. Break ups ****ing suck. This is the first one that has really taken me for a spin. I was truly involve with this girl. It ****ing hurts.
erklat Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 Yeah I would rather pull my tooth out than live through it again. Wait until you get better, then pack her belongings and send through mutual friend.
mightycpa Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 asked her to decide on how to split our mutual belongings through email. Maybe except for this, you're doing good. Unless there are diamonds and gold involved, you might as well just give it all to her. One day, these things won't mean a thing to you, besides their cash value. Giving it all to her might just be a small price to pay to get there a little earlier. Good luck.
Author mnrdgz Posted February 27, 2015 Author Posted February 27, 2015 A lot of it is furniture. She is living with her parents for now again. I don't know what she'd do with the furniture, which is why I ask.
mightycpa Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 A lot of it is furniture. She is living with her parents for now again. I don't know what she'd do with the furniture, which is why I ask.Not sure what difference it would make what she does with it, again, unless it is actually worth something significant. One way to split it is this. Given the value, either offer it all to her or make a cash offer to buy it all. She either accepts the amount or agrees to pay you the same. Somebody takes all, it's at a fair price, it's fast and nobody is left with nothing. It's really the only fair way to do it.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 My ex broke up with me about a month ago. I've been trying to remain NC but I have had medical issues. She found out I'm assuming through mutual friends. She has texted me asking how I've been and how my medical issues have been. I tried to ignore but felt immature. I responded very business like. I told her my diagnosis and status. Each time she kept trying to go to regular talking with emoticons and lols. This past issue she told me she could come visit me in the ER. I denied her. She asked if I'd rather be alone. I stopped replying. I still care for and respect her a lot. I passed through the angry phase, and have been looping between sad, and acceptance. I feel immature just dropping the conversation. She is only asking me about medical issues. I'm sure she is concerned. If I was in her shoes, I'd be upset if I didn't receive a response. At this point I have accepted that she got the GIGS, I wasn't providing a good, and stable relationship due to losing myself to anxiety and depression. I understand why leaving the relationship became more appealing. I honestly can't blame her. I still hold hope, yet it comes with the realistic thought that she would have to regain my trust, which I think would require a lot of work from both parties. She'd have to prove to me that she is willing to put that much effort in our relationship. I'm no longer acting based on trying to get her back. I thought about it and decided to write her an email. I explained what I have discovered in the past few months about myself. I explained the source of my anxiety and depression. I explained why I acted the way I did during our relationship, and how most of it was having an unhealthy way to cope with my feeling of failure. I apologized for my wrongdoings. I explained that I saw where we had both mishandled the situation. I told her I was happy for having experienced our relationship and that I wished her the best. I then went on to explain that the reason behind this email was to explain to her and have her understand where I'm at right now. That I need to focus on myself, and that I still hurt when I hear from her. I told her that I needed time for myself, and therefore needed her to stop contacting me. I told her that I hope we will be able to become good friends in the future, but that I'm not ready for that right now. I told her I would pack all the stuff I still have of her and asked her to decide on how to split our mutual belongings through email. This way I would be able to put it all together and she would be able to pick it all up in one trip. I sent it to her yesterday. I haven't heard back. I know this is the road to recovery but it was something that was really hard for me to do. I know it's for the best, yet I still continue to doubt my actions. What do you guys think about the email? Too Lazy; Didn't Read I wrote an email to my ex explaining what went on in my head through the anxiety/depression that caused me to act as I did (needy, controlling, negative, overly critical). I told her that I needed to focus on me, and asked her to stop contacting me. I'm now having second thoughts about the email. What are your opinions on writing her an email with that content? Email was an awful idea and did nothing but made you look bad Just move on from here like you are wanting to do.
NC-Thomas Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 (edited) No you should not have send that email in my opinion. It's not bad that it happened, because we do illogical thinks while we are in emotional limbo. I've been where you have, we all are. The reasons for not sending it: 1. Once somebody dumps your ass, they cannot ask for any details on your life. They simply don't deserve that honor. 2. The reason for her texting is just to make her feel good about herself. Well she shouldn't feel good about herself by hurting you with ****ty txt's like " HOW ARE YOU?". It is all for her personal satisfaction, don't even respond. 3. She is out of your life, she is a ghost and doesn't exist anymore. The only thing you should text about from now on is (in a business kind of way) the furniture. Everything else will stop you from healing and meanwhile make her feel better. She is sipping your coke / mental health my friend. And you let her. Stop making HER feel good, and go make YOURSELF feel good. Edited February 28, 2015 by NC-Thomas 2
Author mnrdgz Posted February 28, 2015 Author Posted February 28, 2015 But she is not a horrible person. She fell out of love with me. I feel immature just ignoring her. I woke up really missing her guys. Seems like she'll respect my wishes and go full NC. I'm really sad on how things turned out. I know I can't change her mind, hence asking for full NC. I'm just really sad. She gave up on me.
jus d'orange Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 I know it's tough man, but you'll make it through. Just try to find the value in yourself that she didn't, because you know that it's there. She's the one that changed here, not you. I've been through a breakup where the person fell out of love with me. The ex that broke up with me two weeks ago NEVER loved me, although we were together for over a year. They both broke up with me and made it clear that they didn't want me in their life, so I respected their decision and kept to NC. I first heard from the old ex 8 months later to see how I was doing. Before then, you're not respecting their decision if you respond before your feelings are ready, and you're not respecting yourself. If she gets annoying and keeps messaging you and asking you why you won't respond, you can either block her because she's not respecting you, or you can remind her that NC is what you're asking so you can heal. But otherwise, no contact. It's actually the most mature thing you can do here.
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