He keeps going back and forth about our relationship...any Insight?

[SoulflowerChloe]

Hello everyone. I am 19 and I have been involved with a 20 year old guy for going on 6 years now. We started off as friends and things progressed into a relationship over time. Prior to our relationship, I knew him to be a typical young guy (under 20) being that he had casual experiences with a few females. I never really took him to be the relationship type. Our relationship had been rocky, with him battling his feelings for me vs his inclination to being single. I know I was naïve to stick around for the mind games, but I was young and he is my first love, first everything (which doesn't excuse it by any means). After our catashophic break up, over time, we got in contact. After discovering that I was casually dating someone, he wanted to be with me again. I agreed, but now its the same cycle. In his words, he fell in love with our friendship and our bond, and that the sex messed up his mind. He says he cares about me but doesn't want a relationship, and when we split apart, he comes back because he misses the outlet and our bond.being smarter this time around, I told him that I respect his decision and that I love him deeper than a friend, so I declined his offer and am now in no contact. I know I deserve better, I was just hoping that maybe someone, esoecially a guy could shed light or add their opinion. Thank you.

[strach]

Not super experienced in relationships but ill give my opinion as im dealing with a similar situation. People our age are often immature, scared to be exclusive with one person and have trouble making that decision causing this flip-flopping. Me and my ex have had this on and off thing going for like 2 years and it sucks because I want to be with her but she keeps coming and going (we both 20). All I can really suggest is that you keep NC and try to find someone who wants the same things as you. Maybe in the future you two could make it work but trying right now is just going to cause you more hurt, thats what ive started to realize, at least for me. Best of luck

[SoulflowerChloe]

Not super experienced in relationships but ill give my opinion as im dealing with a similar situation. People our age are often immature, scared to be exclusive with one person and have trouble making that decision causing this flip-flopping. Me and my ex have had this on and off thing going for like 2 years and it sucks because I want to be with her but she keeps coming and going (we both 20). All I can really suggest is that you keep NC and try to find someone who wants the same things as you. Maybe in the future you two could make it work but trying right now is just going to cause you more hurt, thats what ive started to realize, at least for me. Best of luck

 

Thank you for your response! I agree that it is best to remain no contact because while I understand his contemplation, its difficult when your on the receiving end and its really breaking my heart because I have strong, true feelings for him. I know I shouldn't worry about this, but my anxiety is enabling my thought of him possibly forgetting me, though I am confident in what I brought to the table. Do you think he will try to contact me again? And if so, would you advise that I respond?

[strach]

Thank you for your response! I agree that it is best to remain no contact because while I understand his contemplation, its difficult when your on the receiving end and its really breaking my heart because I have strong, true feelings for him. I know I shouldn't worry about this, but my anxiety is enabling my thought of him possibly forgetting me, though I am confident in what I brought to the table. Do you think he will try to contact me again? And if so, would you advise that I respond?

 

I mean hes come back before so he could again but you shouldn't count on it, you obviously have no intention of just being friends and he doesn't want a relationship. Until those things change I don't think you should respond or send anything and even then, if he did come back telling you he was wrong and wants to get back together how could you trust him? you've given him another chance before and look where it ended. In the end it will be your call but people dont usually change that quickly