blind_otter Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 So how important is the chase, anyways? Like, how unavailable can a chick be before the guy loses interest? Or is there a level of unavailability? Can a girl dangle herself in front of a guy for months and months, and they both know they have amazing chemistry or whatever, but they also know they would attack each other and probably savage each other if they were involved? Is that possible? You know how it is....you really think someone is hot, and you guys are hot for each other, but emotionally speaking and intellectually speaking, you would totally kick each others' asses....
Merin Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Hmm.. Wierd.. LOL I've found that most times even when I thought I had shown interest in a Guy I almost have to spell it out for them and they tell me they were suprised and didn't know that I was mad crushing on them LOL My BF now.. that was exactly what happend when I met him. I knew he had an interest in me from his body langauge and eyes.. but I HAD to approach him to talk.. and even then he wasn't certain of my interest. I still keep him on the chase so to speak.. it's not a matter that I wouldn't have his back if he needed.. more of a matter of not allowing him to take me for granted.
Pocky Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 While I can understand the concept and I can comprehend the existence of the chase, I have never experienced nor participated in this ritual. I assume it's because I've always been extremely blunt regarding my interests and have never played hard to get with someone. Either they were interested or they weren't and if they weren't I wasn't going to waste my time. For me it's been a all or nothing dating experience. I have such an aversion to playing a game. If someone isn't doing what feels right then it's not true to what they want and what they're trying to express. I want honesty and sincerity, not a game full of rules.
Author blind_otter Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 Sgt. Bosco and I had a weird convo about the other guy I went out with over the weekend, who I ended up hooking up with. Bosco was like, who did you go out with on saturday? I said, this guy....moment of silence....he was like, oh. Why do you sound so weird when you tell me that? I said, because I still have a crush on you from like last december, but I am trying to control it because I don't want to like DATE anyone right now. He said, oh wow, I am blushing.
alphamale Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Hmm.. Wierd.. LOL I've found that most times even when I thought I had shown interest in a Guy I almost have to spell it out for them and they tell me they were suprised and didn't know that I was mad crushing on them this has happened to me many a time. where some chick digs me but does not let on in any way whatsoever except for maybe being a bit more friendly than everyone else. many women have this thing about not showing that they are into some dude in the hopes that he likes her and makes the first move so that she knows he likes her also. it is such a game. this chick i went out with on last sat nite was like that. when i met her 2 wks ago i asked her out and she took my business card but did not give me her contact info. next morning i come into work and there is an email from her which surpised me and we setup the date 5 days ago. so we went out and she is like "i saw you a month ago at another event but u did not see me and we both (her and her friend) thought u were hot! on our date she was pretty aggressive about showing she liked me and we ended up at 3am making out in the car and are going out this saturday nite on the 2nd date. WTF is up with that?? other women (but they are a minority) will come out and show their interest very overtly right from the start.
tanbark813 Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I'm not a big fan of the chase. Unless there is mutual attraction being displayed and mutual effort, I get bored pretty quickly. But I'm also not your average guy.
Cecelius Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 It is directly proportionate to what the man hopes to get from the situation (part sexual fulfillment, part admiration, part long term perhaps). if it appears to be flakiness, then no. If a woman seems to have her head on straight, maybe. Lastly, I don't have a fast rule, but I don't generally wait more than about a month (4-5 dates) before sex, and if sex is occuring, then there really isn't a chase anymore.
alphamale Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius and if sex is occuring, then there really isn't a chase anymore. bullshyt...the real chase does not even start until the couple starts to get seriously involved.
EC Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 many women have this thing about not showing that they are into some dude in the hopes that he likes her and makes the first move so that she knows he likes her also. it is such a game. WTF is up with that?? other women (but they are a minority) will come out and show their interest very overtly right from the start.If you want to get laid you have to play the game. C'mon now alpha you know this! Reagrding the two quotes above though..some girls are shy and have been hurt. they don't want to put their feelings out there and be rejected so they wait for the guy to make the first move. Other women don't give a damn and are like hey I like you..my place around 10:30?? So your date went well Alpha? I was wondering?
alphamale Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by EC So your date went well Alpha? I was wondering? yes, u can see the update on this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=59416
Marshbear Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I think a lot of guys are confused with a women's attention ( just look at allot of the just friends posts ) so they really can't tell if a women likes them or wants to be friends. There is a fine line between good friends and someone you want to get physical with. A lot of the same body language is used by women in both cases. If you don't know each other then it's pretty easy to tell attraction from disinterest but if you hang out and then get interested in them the waters get muddy. The best way is to be up-front with your intentions with a little of the playing added in as a tease....
Cecelius Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale bullshyt...the real chase does not even start until the couple starts to get seriously involved. That's a different chase. In my male-centered, narrow view point I assumed to my benefit that we were talking about the chase to sex...
Author blind_otter Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 In the past I have always made it obvious from the beginning if I am interested in someone. The fact of the matter is, I have never been friends with someone before I started a romantic interchage or a sexual escapade. So when confronted with the task of farming interest from a potential suitor who is also a friend already, I don't know what to do, or how to interpret the signals....so I fall back on the old habits of getting involved with people I don't know well. Which doesn't work out well. But I do it out of habit. I've never been one to play games before but it seems as if the person I am really interested in -- that's what he does, alllllll the time.
Mz. Pixie Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I'm not a big fan of the chase, I always find a way to express my interest. I'm like Merin though, I still find a way to mess with him though to let him know he's not to take me for granted. Just little stuff to balance out the relationship. Some guys love the chase though and are only interested until they catch you.
IceIceBaby Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Merin and Mz. Pixie - Can I ask how you keep the chase up and not let him take you for granted? I somehow I always end up there in relationships and it's getting old.
Mz. Pixie Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Well, I may get flamed for this but here's an example. Sometimes when I think perhaps the scales have slanted in his favor ie, I'm the one calling, e mailing etc I'll pull back just a little bit. He will usually be like "What's up with this?" and respond. There have been a couple of times when he has been busy and hasn't kept up communication like I like to. He loves it when I text message him when he's at work. As soon as he gets off that is the first thing he does- check his text messages to see if I've sent him one. If I feel that he's taking me for granted I will not text him. Sure enough, he calls and is like "How come you're not texting me" I will play it cool or whatever. For me it's also about not always being quiet about my needs in this relationship.
amerikajin Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Or is there a level of unavailability? Otter, I think that men would actually prefer that a woman be available. Just as with women, there's a certain part of us that wants a "trophy", so perhaps we want someone who is widely admired on some level, but we would still rather they be available - if for no other reason than that it kinda makes the whole process of getting in a woman's pants a little less complicated. Most men are not too good at reading the signs of a woman's interest very well. I think it's because many of us believe that women approach dating the same way we do. A lot of times we get our own agenda confused with the woman's, and we get burned - so much so that we get to the point where we're maybe a little hesitant to keep repeating our mistakes. My own experience has taught me that there are definite signs of flirting, but the most important one is touch. Experience tells me that, unless we're just good lovey-dovey friends, if a woman is chatting with me, smiling at me, asking questions about me AND touching me...I'm in. That doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to end up the way I want it, but for the time being, I'm in. So ladies, if you want a guy to know where he stands, touch him. Again and again. Eventually, we neanderthals get the picture.
Merin Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by IceIceBaby Merin and Mz. Pixie - Can I ask how you keep the chase up and not let him take you for granted? I somehow I always end up there in relationships and it's getting old. I don't ditch my GF's for him.. while I spend time with him yes.. I also make it a point to go out with my friends without him.. I don't keep him on the phone forever.. I'll often be the one to say "Talk to you later" first.. When I'm with him chillin on the weekends.. I don't continue to stay until the last minute know what I mean? I tell him I had an amazing weekend.. but I've got some things to do so got to go.. If he hasn't made some hard plans with me for a Friday night.. then I don't wait around for it.. I call my Friends and hook up with them.. if he calls after I've made the plans with my GF's I don't flake on them.. I tell him I made other plans and follow through.. IMO keeping the "chase" and not allowing someone to take you for granted is keeping in mind that you had a life BEFORE you met him/her and while yes it changes somewhat once you're involved, I really believe the biggest mistake ppl make is in spending all of their free time with their SO.. AND expecting that one person to be their everything....
amerikajin Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 IMO keeping the "chase" and not allowing someone to take you for granted is keeping in mind that you had a life BEFORE you met him/her and while yes it changes somewhat once you're involved, I really believe the biggest mistake ppl make is in spending all of their free time with their SO.. AND expecting that one person to be their everything.... So very true.
Author blind_otter Posted April 7, 2005 Author Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by amerikajin So ladies, if you want a guy to know where he stands, touch him. Again and again. Eventually, we neanderthals get the picture. Hmmm.... interesting. I am pretty reserved, actually, on dates and hanging out with guy friends, when it comes to touching. When I am in a relationship I will loll all over someone in public or hanging out watching TV at my house, or even if I know that they are definately interested in me. Then again when I get toasted or tipsy, I am the serial lap girl. My guy friends pass me around like a doll and bounce me on their knees like I am a little girl because I am so short. Which I think is the most fun when I am drunk, but then when I am sober I'll think, whoops, that probably looked bad. I need to work on my game. Man I am getting sick of my friend jerking me around. I know he does it on purpose, act nice one day and like a complete a**h*** the next, he does it to keep me interested but what he doesn't realize, I think, is that all he is doing is making me LOSE interest, fast, because I, like everyone else, can't help but like a sure thing. And pretty soon I will have completely lost interest. Maybe that's what he wants, he's trying to help me burn off the excess fat that is my crush on him.
alphamale Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by amerikajin IMO keeping the "chase" and not allowing someone to take you for granted is keeping in mind that you had a life BEFORE you met him/her and while yes it changes somewhat once you're involved, I really believe the biggest mistake ppl make is in spending all of their free time with their SO.. AND expecting that one person to be their everything.... my definition of a "committed" relationship is when I see a woman on both Fri and Sat nites. Even if i've been with the same woman for 3 yrs I won't see her more than 3 times per week.
amerikajin Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Otter, There's a fine line between being flirtatious and being, well, uh, too flirtatious. You don't want everyone touching you, just the guy you're interested in. If a guy you're interested in sees you being mobbed by a group, and he sees you having fun while being mobbed, he's not going to respect you. He's going to think "Aw, man, she gets around." I'm not insinuating anything about you here, but I'm responding to your comment about being the "serial lap girl" - don't do that and expect to maintain a guy's interest for long. It's no different than if you saw a guy macking on every chick in the bar. Remember, guys usually want to think of their girl as a "prize". They want to be tipped off, but they also want to work for it. It's hard to explain but I think you know what I mean.
Mz. Pixie Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Merin, You said it so much better than I ever could of!
Author blind_otter Posted April 7, 2005 Author Posted April 7, 2005 Word, I can see that. I waver between wanting and not wanting male interest. It's like I want it, but I don't want a relationship. Committment phobe, anyone? At least I'm honest about it. Painfully honest.
prisoner Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 let's get one thing straight. it is about respect, not romance. being yourself, having a life, being independent and normal make women more attractive. men who want women who are fake and need them all the time and don't have a life and are weird for no reason are losers themselves. What merin describes is closer to normal life and not the chase. secondly, i would like to represent for all of the men who know when a woman is interested and do something about it other than fall over themselves. neanderthals can speak for themselves. women can share enough information about how they feel without throwing themselves headfirst in to a man they met once three months ago. wouldn't it be mildly refreshing to actually get to know someone? see what they are like in varying situations? enjoy them on a number of levels before freaking out at how fast ehy do or do not move? the chase used to be an art. you make it sound like a chore. meet someone. have a drink. get the digits. make the call. have another drink or three. kiss goodnight. the call the next day. the dinner. the dessert somewhere else. the late night drink. the call the next day. the invite. the friday night in. the saturday morning walk. the first breakfast. the whole day together. the first fight. the fire. the court dates. the restarining orders. the fight. the lawsuit. the dismissal. the trial. the subpoenas. the exes testifying. the probation. the therapy. isn't that what it is all about?
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