Proditor Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I'll try to stick to the point and not give too much unnecessary information, because I feel like I could go on and on with this one. To make a long story short, I find myself in a situation where I have permission from my girlfriend to have sex with other women, without her wanting to have sex with other men. She's had one sexual partner before me and I haven't had any before her. That's part of the reason for her offering me this actually. Believe it or not, this whole thing was her idea. Anyway, she says that she wants me to be happy and I've made it very clear that, like most men, I never wanted to end up having sex with only one woman in my entire life. I never said that I wanted to sleep with other women though, nor was I trying to give her a hint to let me sleep with other women, honest. What I told her was that I wish I had been with many women before her, so that I wouldn't feel like I was missing out, which is what I feel right now. We plan to spend the rest of our lives together, so the thought of only sleeping with one woman my whole life is kind of depressing. She knows all this. We're very open with each other. I want to do this and I don't. I don't need to get into the reasons why I want to, they're obvious. But I'm afraid that it'll ruin our relationship, and also that she'll either hold it against me or want to sleep with other men. But she's really serious about this. She's been insisting for months now and she thinks that I'm only saying no because I'm trying to not seem like a bad guy by pretending that I don't REALLY want this. To be honest, she might be partially right.
Vintage79 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 You honestly told her that you're missing out because you haven't slept with droves of other women (i.e. she's insufficient)? This situation sounds like a disaster in the making...if you start having sex with other women, don't plan on seeing her much longer, regardless of what she says. 6
Sunlight72 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Have you had a vasectomy yet? If not, do that before you even flirt with anyone. It won't do much to keep your relationship with your girlfriend stable and positive, but it will help you understand how serious this whole idea is and prevent HUGE messes for the Rest Of Your Life if you go ahead with it. FYI - I had a vasectomy when I was 22, so I know what I'm talking about on that part.... and I'm so glad I did. I'm 42 now. 1
central Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Do you believe she is completely sincere about this and that she will actually be okay if you follow through? Do you want to do this? If yes, go ahead. It will either work or it won't. You'll both be okay with it or you won't. But if this is really an issue for you, then you may not "get over it" if you don't. We have a (mostly) one-sided open relationship. We have also tried swinging together, which was a lot of fun. She thought I'd enjoy having other women occasionally (just for fun), and I do - and have for the past 15 years. She occasionally has done this as well with my blessing, but has wanted to far less often. She's not at all jealous, and has gotten friendly with most of my partners. Actually, this idea is becoming more common, and is a far better alternative to cheating. How the 'New Monogamy' Is Keeping Relationships Together | Alternet
ComingInHot Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I'm afraid that it'll ruin our relationship Most likely. and also that she'll either hold it against me Probably. or want to sleep with other men. Absolutely... eventually. The above are my female responses to a couple of your lines in BOLD. Good Luck! CiH* 4
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 OP she might be sh*t testing you, I'd be careful. If its such a huge deal for you, go visit an escort since there's no emotional involvement and you can get your rocks off with a smoking hot girl and put your count up to 2 just like her. Honestly though just by telling her "I never wanted to end up having sex with only one woman in my entire life" you basically told her you want to have sex with other women. You need to decide if you're willing to risk your potential lifelong relationship (your words not mine) with this girl for getting your rocks off with another girl. 3
Gary S Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 But I'm afraid that it'll ruin our relationship, and also that she'll either hold it against me or want to sleep with other men. - That's the biggest problem - while she might be agreeable to this beforehand, when it really happens, and the reality of it all sets in, she might feel different about the whole thing - you really can't know. The other thing is, you are confusing your fantasy about being with other women as reality. Many men do this, we call them cheaters and players. There is a difference between reality and fantasy. One you do, and one you only think about doing. Grow up! No, men are not programmed to spread their seed - that's a bunch of bunk. But many people, both men and women, buy into this garbage. I think you are playing with fire, and need a reality check. Mark my words, Love is the real McCoy. The grass is not greener on the other side. A woman in love, one woman, does it better. I don't find out the hard way. 4
stillmind Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Eh, just break up. If it's so important to you to have sex with other women go sow your wild oats. This has drama written all over it. 7
Gloria25 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 OP she might be sh*t testing you, I'd be careful. If its such a huge deal for you, go visit an escort since there's no emotional involvement and you can get your rocks off with a smoking hot girl and put your count up to 2 just like her. Honestly though just by telling her "I never wanted to end up having sex with only one woman in my entire life" you basically told her you want to have sex with other women. You need to decide if you're willing to risk your potential lifelong relationship (your words not mine) with this girl for getting your rocks off with another girl. Lol!!! Just what I was about to say...are you sure your gf isn't testing you to see if you'd actually go through with this? And, if she's serious about this, then why stay with her? Does she have a medical and/or psychological reason for not wanting to lay with you? Sex is what makes a couple a "couple"...I don't see how you two could be anything but roommates if so early in your RL she doesn't want to bond with you physically. How could you love someone who does not want to give you their body (and soul when you think about it)?
lgspot Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 (edited) My experience is that one-sided anything relationship-wise is not good. I've been with "more" than one girl in my life. Looking back, if I could have a preference, I would be having a whole lot of good sex with one lifetime partner rather than multiple partners......:) Edited February 27, 2015 by lgspot
PegNosePete Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 I'm afraid that it'll ruin our relationship Most likely. and also that she'll either hold it against me Probably. or want to sleep with other men. Absolutely... eventually. Quoted for truth. Don't do it OP. It will ruin the relationship, she will hold it against you, and she will want to sleep with other men (after she breaks up with you over it).
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