hgk6 Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hello all, I found this website and have been a religious reader since my breakup. I'm am mess and need some help. I decided to post and see if someone can make sense of my madness. Here it goes. My girlfriend and I dated for 8 months. She was madly in love with me and I grew to be madly in love with her. She is my first love. For the last two months of our relationship all we did was fight though. She always claimed that I never listened to her and was never on her side. I feel guilty about that now. This was my first long-term relationship and I learned alot. A little pschychological background of her is she has some anger issued from her childhood. She had a Jerry Springer type childhood of two addicted parents. Anyway I walked away from her twice, she would fight for me and within two days I would come back. She doesnt have alot of friends and everytime we would break up she would hang out with this guy who she is friends with but has a history with. So this last time we tried to work things out and got in an argument, I didnt call her for a day and she was still calling me saying what a scumbag I was for not fighting for her and making everything better. Well the next day I go over her place with a card, chocolate and flowers to tell her how much i love her and she throws them at me saying she wants nothing from me. This is Friday. Later that night she tries to come over and have no strings attached sex with me, realizes i'm drunk and just passes out. She wakes up the next morning and just leaves. Well the next day i call her and tell her how much i'm sorry and want to be with her. She tells me she has no feelings for me and its to late. She ends up going to the movies and sleeping over the guys house that night. On Sunday I go over there and literally start crying telling her how much she means to me and how much I love her. That I can and will change. She tells me the same thing that its to late and she has no feelings for me. The next day was my birthday, she calls says happy birthday, she still cares for me, and what is meant to be will be. I say thank you and in my mind i know i have to start the no contact thing. Two days later she calls me telling me she missed me and shes confused. I say i miss you so much but what happened with that guy. Turns out the night of my birthday she went over his house and hooked up with him. CRUSHED, DEVASTATED. She told me its not of my business that they hooked up b/c we aren't dating. Anyway two days later on Friday she calls me I dont pickup. She calls me 3 times on Saturday, so I call her back. We get in a huge fight, i say i cant be with you after you hooked up with him, and she starts going nuts on me saying stop crying over spilled milk and be a man, a bunch of harsh stuff. Says how much she hates me and how happy she is with this other guy. How she will laugh one day that she ever thought of marrying me. So i go and drop her belongings of to her and leave. Then on Sunday she literally calls me 30 times until I pickup and talk to her. We have another nasty converstion whre i say how much it devastated me what she did and she says she hates me. Then monday at work she emails me and says she never got to express her true feeling and something in her heart she wants to see me so bad. I email and say that I would love to be with you but dont think i can after what you did. On wednesday i'm missing her so much and stop by with a card and some stuff. That dude was over there for the night. She told me I cant come over unexpected anymore and this isnt a good time. I asked her to ask him to leave and she said no, i cant control her life and she is happy with him. I left devastated. She emailed me the next day asking if i was alright. then she said you need to heal yourself and to do that we have to have no contact. We havent talked since then. I know she spends everynight with this guy. This how thing is killing me. Depressed, anxiety attacks. I drive by her place to see and that guy is there. Everybody says give it time and she might come around. How to cope with no contact. I saw her in the gym and now i'm a mess again. Her friends say that she still cares about me but i hurt her greatly and she is comfortable with this guy. How can she care about me and sleep with him evernight. ADVICE AND HELP. DO YOU THINK SHE WILL COME BACK? ADVICE
westernxer Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I recommend you make yourself disappear, and fast, before your family finds you on page six of your local newspaper. The girl is P.S.Y.C.H.O.
simon_uk Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I recommend you make yourself disappear, and fast, before your family finds you on page six of your local newspaper. The girl is P.S.Y.C.H.O. I second that! You really don't need any of that!
Author hgk6 Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 help me heal. why do you think she is so psycho. in my mind i have rationalized that i hurt her very much by breaking up with her and she is very hurt by me. i made some mistakes, of not knowing woman but nothing to deserve this treatment. this no contact thing is killing me. i miss her so much. what are the chances of her contacting me, and how can she still care for me and be with this guy????? love some more insight.
simon_uk Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I would say that based on past events the chances of her contacting you are very high. But what you need to do, is not tell her how much you love her, not tell her how much she hurt you, in fact not tell her much at all. Just be cool man as I am sure you can be. Act indifferent to things and don't stay in the conversation for too long. Tell her you have to go out or something. All this is from a guy who can't do the right thing for trying but believe me it is the best thing to do. Good Luck
westernxer Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Hey, she was raised by bad parents. You said so yourself. Bad seeds produce bad leaves. Breakups hurt, that's why they suck. You're grieving because it's your first real love... How do you know she cares for you? Talk is cheap, but she's trying to stick it to you by hanging out with the other guy. You're still not over her. She's sucking the life out of you... is it really worth it? You obviously broke up with her for a reason. Stop second-guessing yourself. Sometimes you have to break a few eggs if you want a stack of pancakes, unless you're an egg yourself.
haywood Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 she'll be back. once she realizes that this other guy won't take her crap anymore, she'll wanna come back to you because she knows she can get away with treating you like poop. man, wake up. i know you have feelings for her and whatnot but come on. no contact is best for you. none. i know you'll answer her calls because if you don't she'll just call 100 x's. don't respond to her emails. when she does call, just talk to her as if she was a friend. don't talk about feelings or "us". keep it short. keep no contact as long as possible. keep busy. go out with friends. work out or something. this girl is bad news. just get yourself out there and meet new people. keep telling yourself that if she really did love you, why would she hook up with some other guy. do you really want her back after being with this guy? don't think about the past, think about what's going on now. good luck.
Author hgk6 Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 she says that she started getting over me when i broke up with her 5 weeks ago and told her that i didnt fell like i loved her anymore. i apologized to her for that and told her that she has 100% control of my heart and she never left my heart. then when we broke up again she says thats when it was over not a couple of days like i think. still we were still hooking up and hanging out and trying to reconcile things and she was still calling me trying to get me to fight for the relationship. when did she lose feelings, and isnt 3 weeks to quick to just hook up with someone and start having a guy sleep over all the time????????? even if it was 3 weeks it still seems to quick for me.
hopelessly lost Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 My, my...isn't she the needy one? She is playing games with you. What it does to you: drives you crazy! What it does for her: strokes her ego to know that she is wanted by two men at once! If I were you, I would avoid her like the plague! She will eventually quit calling, messaging, etc when she realizes that you are not a toy to be played with and discarded. Sadly, she desperately needs to feel loved, and unfortunately she will never be happy in any relationship until she gets help for the damage she has suffered from her childhood. The only other option would be joint counseling. Good luck!
pippen_2k Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Man I dont know this chick, but damn she seems preety heartless! She must have a heart of stone to do this to you! She has probably been talking to her friends and they would have said 'that you are in the wrong, and you dont need this jerk', and she has probably run with this! She has it in her mindset that you have done the bad by her! Id be avoiding her like Osoma Bin Ladin avoids the Americans! Hell, dig an underground cave channel and hang down there for a month if you have to! You need time to clear your mind and ask yourself if this girl really is for you! It wont be easy, in fact, it will probably be the most difficult and painfull experience you will have encountered in your life! But sometimes man you have to put your foot down cause this is looking really messy. She is already sleeping with someone else, and im sure once you have some time where you dont hear from her you will realise you dont want someone like that. 1st loves are never easy, and they will always have a special place in your heart, but stay strong and respect yourself and let time serve its course towards your recovery. Good Luck
clone Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 yea homie, wow is all i can say. I have seen people got threw that but seems like your getting quite the shaft. Trust me on saying there are other fish in the sea. Dude this girl sucks a fat one and you dont deserve that. Im sure you heard this a millions time but its the truth.
Recommended Posts