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Sexual Frustration

RonChalant

By RonChalant
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Macattack Established Member

Macattack

Posted
Posted

Who cares just rub it out, with or without porn and drop her like a hot potato.

broken2828 Member

broken2828

Posted
Posted

I feel for ya, man. My advice isnt going to be as harsh as that of some others. How old are you? If youre in your sexual prime, this can be a big problem. The monotony of monogamy is a serious issue.

 

My advice, and im certainly no expert, would be to leave it alone for a while. Masturbate. Watch pornos. Take the pressure off of her. Then, one day, have a great day with her. Do the things she likes. Demonstrate your manliness. Take the lead. Make plans for the two of you and show her that you love and value her. Connect with her. Talk. Like best friends. Look into her eyes and really listen to what she has to say.

 

Then, being up your concerns. Gently and lovingly, without frustration. Ask her what turns her on. Ask her if she's getting what she needs from you. Tell her she's beautiful and sexy. Hold her hand, look her in the eyes, and tell her that. Women get way turned on by emotional intimacy. Maybe thats lacking in your relationship.

 

I think the best way to get something is to give something. She might want things done that you dont do. She sounds timid and reserved, she might need for you to make her feel comfortable before she expresses her needs.

 

Of youbgo to her with frustration and tell her your needs alone, you wont be well received. If you approach it as a mutual problem and honestly try to work with her to solVe it, youll get better results. I only skimmed your post, but not once did i see you mention how she felt. Focus on that, and unless shes deeply unhappy with you she will reciprocate.

 

As one last word of caution; she may resentt you if you pressure her to do things shes uncomfortable with. Been there, done that. Make surebyou know how she feels. Always ask her how she feels and what you can do for her. That' s love.

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Justanaverageguy Established Member

Justanaverageguy

Posted
Posted (edited)

My post might come across a little bit odd so disregard if you don't think it applies. It sounds like your entering the 3 year danger zone - I know you said its more then that but hear me out. LTR tend to follow a pattern - 3-5 year mark is when the gloss wears off and sexual attraction, intimacy tend to wane. Women particularly struggle with this period especially those in their mid to late 20's. Its part of the reason why so many marriages break down at that point. You say your GF has never been super adventurous when it comes to sex .... but has the issue always been this bad or has it recently gotten a lot lot worse ? I mean why was this not a major issue in your relationship for the first 3 years if it has always been this way ? My guess is she was always submissive and not as adventurous as you would have liked .... but now something is actually different.

 

Its not just that she is submissive - it is that your GF seems less and less willing and wanting to actually have sex with you. Almost like it is a chore for her. Most guys actually don't mind taking the lead and having the girl be submissive when she is into it, when she is turned on by it. What guys don't like however is when it almost feel like she is just going through the motions and she is only having sex with you because she feels like she has to and it will get you off her back. You want her to enjoy it, you want her to want you and you want her to be turned on. If you have those 3 things and you have to initiate - then its really not an issue.

 

I read an interesting book that went into how weird things happen to some women after 3-4 years of an LTR where the attraction and intimacy not only wanes ..... but they actually start to feel unattracted to their partner and actually turned off by the idea of sex with them. (not something any guy wants to hear). They actually try to avoid sex and start thinking something is wrong with them for not wanting sex. It talked about how this is a really common thing for many women. That some women it gets to the point they become fearful their partner is going to want to have sex with them - so they start trying to avoid them and start making up excuses. Having periods every 2 weeks. saying I have a head ache. I'm too tired. Going to bed early. Anything to actually avoid sex.

 

At the moment 3 years in you are also feeling the attraction and intimacy wane .... which is likely part of the reason why you are actually pushing for something more adventurous. Because you feel like you need it to get turned on to adequate levels. But its the exact wrong thing for her .... because she is feeling like she doesn't even want sex. Your pushing her for more and kinkier things is actually making her want it even less and making her feel even more uncomfortable about having sex with you.

 

The book talked about a "pass through" zone in that approx 3-5 year mark where if couples can do certain things to maintain intimacy and work through the females partners issues you can get over that and it does get better and the attraction and sexual desire returns. If you don't you end up in one of those sexless relationships which ends up falling apart or with cheating involved.

Edited by Justanaverageguy
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