Sexual Frustration

[RonChalant]

While I may get woman bashed I will still seek opinions and advice.

 

Getting EXTREMELY bored with my current girlfriend of 3 years and not due to a lack of trying to maintain things. I know things start to fizzle after a while but Jesus Christ! Issue stems from the fact that she doesn't initiate sex enough for my liking. I am ALWAYS the one making the first move, making things progress and it bores me to tears now. "So talk to her and tell her your feelings" you might say...done that, 4 times to be exact and all that does it make her do it a single time then its like the conversation never happened. Told her I want her to initiate more often, that I'd like things to be more spontaneous at which point she made me seem like I was a weirdo that I would ever think of wanting to have sex with her had she not taken a shower beforehand...apparently that's dirty and I should be ashamed that I want spontaneous sex -_-

 

In the year we have lived in our current place we have only ever had sex in the bedroom, at night, same 2-3 positions so I told her I'd like to change that...that was 2-3 months ago and again something that's been said about 4 times, twice in a year and still nothing. On top of all that she's really sexually conservative and in the beginning it was cute but now it's plain annoying, the woman is scared of and completely uncomfortable around ANY type of sex toy even a simple $10 finger vibrator from Spencers. Few weeks ago I told her I wanted her to lick her finger and touch herself while we were in bed which was declined for the 1,000,000th time. I can't even say certain words around her without her telling me to "watch my mouth" in complete seriousness. She said one of the worst things you can say to your BF after declining to touch herself, "if I'm not adventurous enough for you, you should go find someone else". A few day before Valentine's Day I called her and had been telling her all day about how much I wanted to have sex with her to which she was receptive...until she got home...at which point she was just a huge bore, I "barely" got hard enough to make anything happen.

 

I have resorted to childish means and have simply been ignoring her as of the past 12 hours. What pushed me over the edge is this past week I have been EXTREMELY horny but she was on her period which is understandable but even in the days before I had been trying to have sex with her but it not turning into anything. So her being off her period and me explaining to her how in the mood I had been I kind of expect her to have sex with me, not only to have sex with me but to initiate, so on so forth but before the normal nighttime pre-sex routine even started I knew that things weren't going anywhere unless I made the move which I just really didn't want to nor did I want to say anything because the last thing I want is for it to be insincere and what I will perceive as being "forced" or feeling obligated, that's far from sexy.

 

I am tired of talking about it with her, it doesn't do anything. I know she loves me, I know she's not cheating, she's just sexually boring as sin which has caused my porn consumption to rise which sucks. This leads me to believe that this is the best that sex will ever be with her which in my mind means marriage is pointless. I am a very physical person and while sex isnn't everything, it is important as far as keeping me interested and my eyes from wondering, which they have been a lot more than normal lately. I have no clue what to do at this point...

 

Input!?

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

I think you have a right to feel the way you do. It sounds like you have a much higher sex drive than your GF -- while hers doesn't sound LOW by any means - she just seems a bit more typical.

 

 

Sounds like you want to experiment and change it up a lot and try new things, but she just likes to do what "works for her" and keep things the same.

 

 

You two are obviously not sexually compatible - and if its upsetting you this badly and you can't compromise on it - you'll need to break up with her because it will only get worse as you get older/married.

 

 

I would still talk to her and try be as open as possible - I know you said you've done this, but you should keep trying. Although she probably won't change for you.

[leavesonautumn]

It's been 3 years, if it hasn't changed by now, it never will.

 

I don't think I could personally be with someone who I'm not sexually compatible with. Like you said, sex isn't the most important aspect but realistically, it's what keeps most relationships separate from being a friendship. Sex changes for individuals and couples, sometimes it's less and sometimes it's more, sometimes you just get busy but if the base compatibility is lacking, I can understand why you are frustrated.

 

However, something that you have not mentioned was the intimacy. Sure, you aren't having down and dirty sexy times but are you ever intimate with her? Taking sex out of the equation and just feeling close to her? Are you compatible in other areas of the relationship? Similar life goals, morals, do you have a close bond?

[Gary S]

You might not like the tough love that I am about to give you.

 

Let me give you the facts of life:

 

- Some married guys don't get sex at all (and just guys in relationships).

 

- there are tons of singles who don't even have a partner to have sex with.

 

The fact of the matter is, you are getting regular sex. So what if you have to initiate.... so what if she's not like a porn star.... cry me a river! At least you are getting it.

 

If you keep whining and complaining to this woman, if you keep nagging, her love level might drop to the point she does not want to even have sex at all with you anymore, and further down the line, she might want to breakup.

 

Nobody is perfect. Are you perfect? You are being high maintenance. Grow up. Please consider my words.

 

Understand what you have in your hands. If she loves you and is easy to get along with, generally a good woman, and you are getting regular sex, you really don't have a right to complain. Please look long and hard at the big picture. I think you may be taking what you have for granted, and making a mountain out of a molehill. Be thankful for what you have.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

You might not like the tough love that I am about to give you.

 

Let me give you the facts of life:

 

- Some married guys don't get sex at all (and just guys in relationships).

 

- there are tons of singles who don't even have a partner to have sex with.

 

The fact of the matter is, you are getting regular sex. So what if you have to initiate.... so what if she's not like a porn star.... cry me a river! At least you are getting it.

 

If you keep whining and complaining to this woman, if you keep nagging, her love level might drop to the point she does not want to even have sex at all with you anymore, and further down the line, she might want to breakup.

 

Nobody is perfect. Are you perfect? You are being high maintenance. Grow up. Please consider my words.

 

Understand what you have in your hands. If she loves you and is easy to get along with, generally a good woman, and you are getting regular sex, you really don't have a right to complain. Please look long and hard at the big picture. I think you may be taking what you have for granted, and making a mountain out of a molehill. Be thankful for what you have.

 

Some good advice here. I think most of us would settle on this fact ( I would ) , but maybe it's a bigger issue for the OP.

[Vintage79]

I think that if you have a good woman that you trust, then you are being unreasonable to expect her to have sex like a porn star on top of it. Lay off the porn and enjoy your woman. If you cannot appreciate her, let her go and someone else will.

 

If you really want pornstar sex, then I think it's perfectly acceptable to expect it. If that's the situation, though, and if it's a big enough deal to you, then you have to also be willing to break-up with her if you're not getting it pornstar style.

 

Everyone has their own set of preferences and needs - if the important needs are not being met, then the relationship is not meant to be.

 

OP - chances are you won't change her (that much) at this point - so either get comfortable with the status quo, or move on...heck, she even told you to move on if you really need it a certain way...

[PinkCarnations]

Oh c'mon I'm a girl and I have to side with OP here. Your gf sounds like a total bore. Does she lay there like dead fish as well? That's no fun. its clear you guys are not sexually compatible and you're doing a disservice to both yourself and her by staying in this relationship. You tried your best to change things. Now it's time to call it quits. To me, I can't stay with someone who refuses to make an effort to allieve my fustration.

 

Maybe have one last talk with her.

[PinkCarnations]

I think that if you have a good woman that you trust, then you are being unreasonable to expect her to have sex like a porn star on top of it. Lay off the porn and enjoy your woman. If you cannot appreciate her, let her go and someone else will.

 

Have sex like a pornstar???? So anything that isn't vanilla is chalked up to porn-like sex?? Hahaha wow. Honestly, you sound like a prude. Girls enjoy a little excitement in the bedroom too ya know. And btw, OP is only asking his gf to initiate more at the least. That's not unreasonable.

 

I would never settle for boring sex.

Edited February 26, 2015 by PinkCarnations

[fitnessfan365]

Dude, women just don't initiate sex that much. It's how the male/female dynamic works. The psychology of it is that we're the hunters and take what we want. If you spend your life trying to find a woman that's going to initiate sex more often than not, you'll have better luck finding a leprechaun. Plus, I've always liked being the one to initiate most of the time because the type of lust a woman puts off when she's taken is HOT.

 

But, where I do sympathize is with how conservative and uptight she is. If she still hasn't come out of her shell sexually after three years, then it ain't happening. So if you're this unhappy with her, it's best to break up with her.

[RonChalant]

SOMEHOW there has been a misunderstanding where people seem to think I want a porn star, not the case at all. The only reason I brought up porn is because I have had to watch it a lot more due to not getting it enough. I know I am not King Ding-a-Ling, but I do expect a certain level of initiation in order to keep from getting bored and really don't think that I am being unreasonable in wanting that.

[PinkCarnations]

Dude, women just don't initiate sex that much. It's how the male/female dynamic works. The psychology of it is that we're the hunters and take what we want. If you spend your life trying to find a woman that's going to initiate sex more often than not, you'll have better luck finding a leprechaun. Plus, I've always liked being the one to initiate most of the time because the type of lust a woman puts off when she's taken is HOT.

 

But, where I do sympathize is with how conservative and uptight she is. If she still hasn't come out of her shell sexually after three years, then it ain't happening. So if you're this unhappy with her, it's best to break up with her.

 

Really? I initiate all the time. hahaha. Maybe me and OP really SHOULD get together. JK. But no, seriously, there other girls out there with my sex drive. It's not that rare, is it? Seems like me and my gfs are always talking about how much we love it.

[fitnessfan365]

Really? I initiate all the time. hahaha. Maybe me and OP really SHOULD get together. JK. But no, seriously, there other girls out there with my sex drive. It's not that rare, is it? Seems like me and my gfs are always talking about how much we love it.

 

Are you aggressive and more dominant sexually?

 

I think it has less to do with sex drive, and more with sexual persona. Every woman I've been with knew that I was aggressive and dominant sexually. They were submissive. So the dynamic was that it was up to me most of the time. I will say though, that a woman waking you with a BJ and then getting on top bouncing her hips is almost better than breakfast.

[RonChalant]

Quote:

A few day before Valentine's Day I called her and had been telling her all day about how much I wanted to have sex with her to which she was receptive...until she got home...at which point she was just a huge bore, I "barely" got hard enough to make anything happen.

 

So now she is to blame for your erectile problems?

 

Lol far from an erectile deficiency

 

Quote:

I am tired of talking about it with her, it doesn't do anything. I know she loves me, I know she's not cheating, she's just sexually boring as sin which has caused my porn consumption to rise which sucks.

 

This is why I mentioned porn in my previous post. Your ideas of sex seem a bit skewed.

 

Looking into something that isn't there, like I said I have been looking at more porn as a means of release (sounds vulgar lol) since I'm not getting action as much as I'd like, so no I have a general view of sex as the rest of us (i would hope) do

 

Quote:

What pushed me over the edge is this past week I have been EXTREMELY horny but she was on her period which is understandable but even in the days before I had been trying to have sex with her but it not turning into anything. So her being off her period and me explaining to her how in the mood I had been I kind of expect her to have sex with me, not only to have sex with me but to initiate, so on so forth but before the normal nighttime pre-sex routine even started I knew that things weren't going anywhere unless I made the move which I just really didn't want to nor did I want to say anything because the last thing I want is for it to be insincere and what I will perceive as being "forced" or feeling obligated, that's far from sexy.

 

 

You should not expect anything. Instead of expecting her to have sex with you like she owes it to you, you should be doing what you can to make her want to have sex with you. There is a huge difference. She probably doesn't find your actions to be sexy either.

 

Diff. of opinion. I expect what I would do myself in a given situation. If I were in a situation where she couldn't have sex with her for what ever reason and she had been talking about how in the mood she had been, the second I have the ability to have sex with her I am going to make sure she enjoys herself. Am I so wrong for expecting the same?

 

Quote:

I can't even say certain words around her without her telling me to "watch my mouth" in complete seriousness. She said one of the worst things you can say to your BF after declining to touch herself, "if I'm not adventurous enough for you, you should go find someone else".

 

She's right.

 

Then I leave and guess who's the ******* in this situation, not that I care but lets be real, when I guy leaves for something like this he's a "pig" or what ever other insult we are being called these days. The whole "sex shouldn't rule a relationship" conversation comes up so that is a BS answer.

 

Quote:

On top of all that she's really sexually conservative and in the beginning it was cute but now it's plain annoying, the woman is scared of and completely uncomfortable around ANY type of sex toy even a simple $10 finger vibrator from Spencers.

 

OK, so you want her to use sex toys on herself then?

 

no i tried to use one on her to try something different

 

Quote:

In the year we have lived in our current place we have only ever had sex in the bedroom, at night, same 2-3 positions so I told her I'd like to change that...that was 2-3 months ago and again something that's been said about 4 times, twice in a year and still nothing.

 

Why is the onus on the woman to change that?

 

I guess I can agree with you on this to a certain point, except when the whole "i don't want to put in any work" statement is made, which happens more often than not. If i ask her to get on top or do something that requires her to do more than just lay there I get told "i put in work last time", you're telling me that there is a limit to how often she should put in work and that just supposed to be ok?

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by RonChalant View Post

Getting EXTREMELY bored with my current girlfriend of 3 years and not due to a lack of trying to maintain things. I know things start to fizzle after a while but Jesus Christ! Issue stems from the fact that she doesn't initiate sex enough for my liking.

 

This can mean many things. My guess is she really doesn't get excited about the prospect of sex with the OP.

 

If that were the case she would have no problem telling me, far from one to keep her opinion to herself. Lol seems like you were out to insult rather than giver "constructive" criticism from the very beginning.

 

 

Quote:

Few weeks ago I told her I wanted her to lick her finger and touch herself while we were in bed which was declined for the 1,000,000th time.

 

I'm guessing this is why she no longer initiates sex. If someone was bugging me to death to do something I had already said I wouldn't do 1000000 times, I wouldn't want to have sex with them either.

 

Again not the case and she tells me all the time that she likes that I am persistent. When I stop doing so because i feel that it's going nowhere she ask "why are you not acting like your normal self, whats wrong"...a conversation that happened just last night when I backed off and start the cold shoulder process.

 

Quote:

I have resorted to childish means and have simply been ignoring her as of the past 12 hours.

 

Ask any woman here if they find childishness sexy.

 

At this point I really don't care and am not trying to be sexy.

[RonChalant]

Dude, women just don't initiate sex that much. It's how the male/female dynamic works. The psychology of it is that we're the hunters and take what we want. If you spend your life trying to find a woman that's going to initiate sex more often than not, you'll have better luck finding a leprechaun. Plus, I've always liked being the one to initiate most of the time because the type of lust a woman puts off when she's taken is HOT.

 

But, where I do sympathize is with how conservative and uptight she is. If she still hasn't come out of her shell sexually after three years, then it ain't happening. So if you're this unhappy with her, it's best to break up with her.

 

I understand that to a certain point, but I am not asking that she do it all the time, just more often. If we have sex 12+ time a month I don't think I am asking to much that she initiate 3-4 of those times

[central]

My first marriage was largely sexless, but I will say that on the rare occasions we had sex, it was pretty good. However, I ended that marriage largely because of the very mismatched libidos and a variety of other issues.

 

Second marriage, I not only found someone more compatible overall, she's got a very high libido, is creative and adventurous, and initiates often. There are plenty of women like this, actually - I encountered quite a few when I was dating after my first marriage (most just weren't sufficiently compatible otherwise).

 

There is one caveat, however. You can't truly know that a high libido person's baseline libido will probably STAY high until you've been with them at least 2 years. And you can't know if you're truly compatible in other ways until you've lived together for a year (preferably after at least a year of dating).

 

The above applies if you're looking for a long-term partner. In the short term, all that matters is how they are now, with you. If you're not married and not living together, it's a lot easier to move on when things don't work out well. Of course, a low drive/low libido, uncreative lover is almost certain to never improve, unless they're just that way with you (some women look for factors other than sexual attraction when seeking a boyfriend or husband).

[Sunlight72]

OP, from what you've written, you're acting needy. It's a big, big turn off for women.

 

It's unlikely you can change the dynamic in this relationship because it's been set for too long.

 

But, how you do it is - get more active in other areas of your life.

 

Women like men who do stuff. Women want a guy to be like an amusement park ride - he's going somewhere all the time, and sometimes sweeps her up and takes her on a ride. The ride doesn't stop and bug people to get on and go, it just goes. It's fun. When she notices the fun is where ever you are, she'll be more excited when she gets a chance to get on the ride.

 

Oddly, in most of the hours of your life, to create an attractive impression with your woman, you need to be really cool and almost blasé about sex. Grab her, kiss her, then let her go and talk about something completely unrelated like it didn't even happen. Don't hang around like a dog, waiting and hoping for affection or sex. Take a little kiss, get a little squeeze, then move on to the other super fun stuff you're always doing in life.

 

Leave her wanting you, so she'll be thinking about you while you're gone. Help her get warmed up for you before you're even in the room.

 

This is a lesson I learned after my wife divorced me. I had to practice it with a few short term girlfriends to figure out the concept of what guys were telling me, and how it works in real life. My now girlfriend of 3 years and I do great - she's great, and I act like I'm on my way somewhere (which I am) often, and if she wants sex (which she does) she'd better get it when I offer it.

 

Of course, we're all actually human, and sex can't happen all the time, but this is now my target and HOLY Sh*t has my life improved with this new attitude! My girlfriend is always happy to see me, largely because I know when to leave or let her do her thing without me whimpering for attention.

 

I'm a caring person naturally, and a gentleman, but have learned how fun it is (for us both) to act more like "get it while it's hot, or you'll have to wait for it".

 

Best Wishes

[Gloria25]

ESs

My first marriage was largely sexless, but I will say that on the rare occasions we had sex, it was pretty good. However, I ended that marriage largely because of the very mismatched libidos and a variety of other issues.

 

Second marriage, I not only found someone more compatible overall, she's got a very high libido, is creative and adventurous, and initiates often. There are plenty of women like this, actually - I encountered quite a few when I was dating after my first marriage (most just weren't sufficiently compatible otherwise).

 

There is one caveat, however. You can't truly know that a high libido person's baseline libido will probably STAY high until you've been with them at least 2 years. And you can't know if you're truly compatible in other ways until you've lived together for a year (preferably after at least a year of dating).

 

The above applies if you're looking for a long-term partner. In the short term, all that matters is how they are now, with you. If you're not married and not living together, it's a lot easier to move on when things don't work out well. Of course, a low drive/low libido, uncreative lover is almost certain to never improve, unless they're just that way with you (some women look for factors other than sexual attraction when seeking a boyfriend or husband).

 

THANK YOU!!!

 

There ARE women out there who initiate, are sensual, passionate and COMPASSIONATE to meet their man's needs in the bedroom.

 

Other people wanna say you want "porn star" sex, but what you're asking for is far from that. Don't follow what other people say sometimes, they get defensive and project their lazyiness on others and of course, there's power in numbers so, you're gonna hear a lot of objections from women who don't understand how important sex is to men (like romance is to women).

 

And yes, while sex shouldn't be the only thing that makes a RL valid - when sex is lacking it DOES become the issue in the marriage cuz sexuality is linked to our core.

 

Go find a better woman before you drag kids into this mess. Hence why I agree with the quote above....first 2-3 years of marriage should be used to bond and work out kinks before you drag kids and condemn yourself to a life of a marriage with issues.

[GemmaUK]

OP, does she enjoy sex with you?

Have you asked her if she needs something more from you? Have you listened to her view?

 

 

3 years is nothing.

I was with my LT ex for 14 years and we had a great sex life consistently all those years with just short blips for particular and understandable reasons.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

After reading the OP's other responses to the other posts in his thread, I think I now have a better understanding about how he's feeling (tell me if I'm wrong or on the wrong track, OP).

 

First, I'd like to say that I do NOT agree with the OP's porn use. Not only am I against a guy using porn while he's IN a committed monogamous relationship (or marriage), but a guy running to porn because he's not getting sexually "satisfied" in his relationship does NOT make his situation any better; on the contrary - it ends up making things WORSE.

 

That being said, I think that - from what the OP has stated about his wife AND if what he says is TRUE - he really IS frustrated. And the reason he's frustrated is because his sexual STYLE and HER sexual style are completely DIFFERENT from one another!

 

He's more into the playful, experimentative and role-playing type of sexual intimacy while his wife prefers the traditional (and very vanilla) type of sexual intimacy. There's nothing wrong with the OP wanting to feel sexually desired by his wife; and there's nothing wrong with his wife wanting to be sexually pursued by her husband and wanting sex HER way.

 

What IS wrong with this arrangement is that there is ONE person out of this relationship who is NOT sexually satisfied - who is NOT being desired - who is NOT getting any sexual variety - who is getting sick and tired of ALWAYS being the pursuer - who is becoming bored with their partner's lack of being sexually adventurous with even the smallest of suggestions - and who FEELS that he's basically sexually STARVING. This is NOT his wife's fault! But, it IS a HUGE indicator that the sexual longevity of this relationship is nearing it's EXPIRATION DATE.

 

OP...after THREE years of this, it is highly unlikely she's going to CHANGE her sexual style any time soon! It is highly unlikely that YOU'RE going to change your sexual style to meet her expectations any time soon...am I correct?

 

If sexual spontaneity, variety, experimentation and FUN is IMPORTANT to you in your life - then you may have to consider divorcing her and moving on to finding a woman whose sexual STYLE meshes well with, and complements, your own.

 

If there's anything in my post that I have mistaken, please let me know OP. But from what I've read of all of your postings, this is what I'm understanding about you and your situation.

 

 

.

[mightycpa]

Input!?

Apparently, not a very satisfying input.

 

I notice you say next to nothing about how much you love her and how perfect she is.

 

I'd suggest you thank me in reply, then go dump your GF while your browser reloads the page.

[losangelena]

However, something that you have not mentioned was the intimacy. Sure, you aren't having down and dirty sexy times but are you ever intimate with her? Taking sex out of the equation and just feeling close to her? Are you compatible in other areas of the relationship? Similar life goals, morals, do you have a close bond?

 

OP, I'm curious to know about this as well.

 

Your GF does sound a bit boringly passive, that's for sure. But I'm wondering how you bring it up when you tell her you'd like her to initiate. Does it come off in a nagging way, or are you explaining it in terms of how close and connected it would make you feel to her if she expressed her sexual desire for you (through variety, spontaneity, initiating, etc)?

 

I don't know about your GF, but I generally feel more sexually attracted to (and generous toward) my BF when I know how much he wants me. I know this street goes both ways, but if she's constantly feeling like she's "not enough" for you, she may feel self-conscious, and it's hard to feel sexy and lusty whilst also feeling self-conscious.

 

All of these things she's telling you, about how she only wants to have sex after she's showered, or not wanting to use a sex toy—to me that stuff sounds like it's rooted in insecurity, and might not have anything to do with you (as in, don't take it personally, though I know that's hard).

 

Of course, not being in your relationship, I don't know, but to me it sounds like there's something deeper going on between you two that y'all need to discuss. There's some disconnect happening, and it's manifesting itself in the bedroom.

Edited February 26, 2015 by losangelena

[Buddhist]

My input is leave her, you both sound sexually incompatible and you've tried to work with her. My further input is this....

 

- It's not her job to keep you from wandering. If you're going to do that, you're going to do that but it is your decision not hers. Own your own stuff.

- Be mature. Giving her the silent treatment in order to get what you want or punish her is poor form. Recognising that the situation is a dead end and leaving it, is the mature thing to do.

 

Time for the talk in which you explain that your sexual needs are not being met, she shows no interest in meeting them, therefore you are now ending the relationship to seek your gratification elsewhere.

[CrystalShine2011]

I disagree with the comment that your gf has a "normal" sex drive. Absolutely not. She has a MUCH lower than normal one.

 

A couple years in (although we broke up and dated other people after 2 years and are now back together), and it's still 4-5x a week for me, and I would hate it if it changed and so would he! The right person will have the same sex drive, I think.

[RonChalant]

Finally, actual conversation!

 

OP, from what you've written, you're acting needy. It's a big, big turn off for women.

 

I disagree. I state my peace every 3 months or so and even though I know in doing that, that she will only do what I request a single time I don't bug or nag her about it at all. I just maintain until its gets to another 3/4 months where I can help but say something again and the process repeats. If anything I am "trying" to be understanding that me are 2 diff. people with 2 diff. expectations and doing my best NOT to be a nag, but one can only hold his composure for but so long.

 

Oddly, in most of the hours of your life, to create an attractive impression with your woman, you need to be really cool and almost blasé about sex. Grab her, kiss her, then let her go and talk about something completely unrelated like it didn't even happen. Don't hang around like a dog, waiting and hoping for affection or sex. Take a little kiss, get a little squeeze, then move on to the other super fun stuff you're always doing in life.

 

I do this all the time, I will randomly come up behind her and kiss her on her neck a few times then move on, pat her on the butt, I am CONSTANTLY rubbing her back and arms which she loves, I verbally tell her how beautiful I think she is, I do all the stuff I would want to be done to me because I am big on practice what you preach and she absolutely loves all this stuff and tells me so all the time, just doesn't do the same in return which is not what I want.

 

OP, does she enjoy sex with you?

Have you asked her if she needs something more from you? Have you listened to her view?

 

As far as she tells me yes, she enjoys it and like I said, if I don't try to have sex with her see gets upset/worried. Other than that she always tells me how much she enjoys being with me and on top of that I def. ask her what if anything she would like me to do differently/better. I am far from selfish when it comes to this. I want my woman to be as happy as I would like to be. I can admit that i have fallen off a bit as of lately due to getting tired of being the only one doing so. There was a time up until a few months ago that I would give her head at the drop of a hat just because I felt like it, no sex needed, it was just the mood I was in at that particular time, but after a few times of asking for head and her saying "I gave you head last time" again like there is some sort of limit of home much it should happen, I cut off the random head which sucks because I enjoy doing it.

 

First, I'd like to say that I do NOT agree with the OP's porn use. Not only am I against a guy using porn while he's IN a committed monogamous relationship (or marriage), but a guy running to porn because he's not getting sexually "satisfied" in his relationship does NOT make his situation any better; on the contrary - it ends up making things WORSE.

 

NO PORN!!! Lol sometimes you gotta practice self love, I can't agree with you there, hell I like watching it with my girl...well in past relationships...goes without saying that the current love finds porn disgusting -_-

 

But everything else that you said is very true and at the end of the day I love the girl but don't know if I could deal with the same issue forever. Like I said, lately due to all of the stuff that has gone on I have started slacking also, foreplay has kind of died off because I don't see a point in going all out when I feel I am the only person doing it. She can tell me she loves and cares about me all day but I am a "actions speak louder than words" kind of guy and to me a part of that is expressed sexually and when I feel that I am putting in more work all the time then I lose interest and also start to question the relationship in gen. despite how that may sound.

 

But I'm wondering how you bring it up when you tell her you'd like her to initiate. Does it come off in a nagging way, or are you explaining it in terms of how close and connected it would make you feel to her if she expressed her sexual desire for you (through variety, spontaneity, initiating, etc)?

 

Like I said I def. don't nag which is part of the reason I've just gone silent as on the past day. Normally she ask me whats wrong and I tell her and again she does what I ask, but like I said at that point i feel like its done out of a feeling of obligation and not because she genuinely wants too.

[Creativity]

I advise ending it. Sexual compatibility is fundamental to a relationship.

 

There is no need to suppress a strong healthy libido. One needs to be able to satisfy it within a relationship.

 

As a woman I want to be desired, touched. I need physical intimacy. This is healthy. I don't need to tell my partner over and over that I am not feeling fulfilled. There are hundreds of men who are wonderful and would make good friends...I don't want my partner to be just 'a friend' but my lover.

 

On the positive side, you are not married and do not have children. Hopefully you will both learn from the experience together.