Is the HOTNESS of the person the basis of our desire to know them?

[Marshbear]

What is the main basis for a romantic relationship? I mean, is it all physical attraction or do things like personality, sense of humor, honesty, fun, companionship mean little to the attraction? The fact that he/she is hot, is that why we want to get to know them? Are we all that shallow because we are basically condemning someone because of their genes?

 

Any thoughts.....

[westernxer]

Yes, no, all of the above.

 

Rules of attraction are what they are and were never meant to be fair.

[Merin]

IMO an initial physical attraction is needed in order to find out more about that person..

 

However, I've also met guys that I thought were so nice looking only to discover that was all they were..

 

While I couldn't be down for dating someone I didn't find attractive (and not everyone is attracted to the same thing) I also am not down for dating someone who is nice to look at but a complete f*cktard to be around.

[Pocky]

I'm rarely attracted to someone instantly because of their looks. I don't base a lot of focus on how someone looks. I'm attracted to people for different reasons, but looks is rarely one of them. Many times the people I'm attracted to aren't even considered good looking, but their other qualities make them desirable to me. I know if Alpha reads this he's going to roll his eyes and claim that looks have some role within the attraction.

[EC]

I know It shouldn't be based all on looks but to me a big part of attraction is looks.

 

I look first then get to know someone. Why waste your time on getting to know someone who you do not find attractive I think?

 

Unless of course there have been instances in which I didn't think the person was 'very' attractive but after being friends with them and hanging out, everything else about them attracted me in a huge way, and then I have been attracted to a person tremendously and then they opened their mouth and no matter how cute they were, all the attraction disappeared.

[PatientOne]

Originally posted by Pocky

I'm rarely attracted to someone instantly because of their looks. I don't base a lot of focus on how someone looks. I'm attracted to people for different reasons, but looks is rarely one of them. Many times the people I'm attracted to aren't even considered good looking, but their other qualities make them desirable to me. I know if Alpha reads this he's going to roll his eyes and claim that looks have some role within the attraction.

 

Not true Pocky- you've seen Alpha's picture and he still gets action.

[Fuzzy Chickens]

All I can say is that I don't go around chatting up fat chicks in the hopes that they'll have a great personality.

[Marshbear]

I know what you mean fuzzy chickens. I too do not usually want to get to know someone if I don't find them attractive. Luckily we all don't have the same rules of attraction or Bill and Monica would never get together.

 

I just sometimes feel the need to analyze my motives....

[Illusion24]

What is the first reason you are interested in someone without knowing them????

 

Looks...and the sex appeal they give off

 

Once you've been introduced and you have a conversation, what is the second thing that attracts you???

 

The way they stimulate your mind and make you think in ways you never thought of before...Challenge you!!

 

After you are attracted and interested in what they have to say, what the next thing????

 

If this is wifey/hubby material and damn "she/he better be good in bed"...that will complete the package of starting to date someone exclusively

 

If you ask me, personally LOOKS is first...Everything esle will follow!!!

[westernxer]

Originally posted by Fuzzy Chickens

All I can say is that I don't go around chatting up fat chicks in the hopes that they'll have a great personality.

 

Hilarious!

[seahorse]

Originally posted by Pocky

I'm rarely attracted to someone instantly because of their looks. I don't base a lot of focus on how someone looks. I'm attracted to people for different reasons, but looks is rarely one of them. Many times the people I'm attracted to aren't even considered good looking, but their other qualities make them desirable to me. I know if Alpha reads this he's going to roll his eyes and claim that looks have some role within the attraction.

 

 

Aaah I know what you mean Pocky. I would hardly ever base attraction on looks. I am suspicious of good looking men! My bf is kind, funny, likes kids and animals, doesn't smoke, good in bed and has a lovely hairy chest. He loves me. I love him. That's plenty.

[d'Arthez]

Originally posted by Marshbear

What is the main basis for a romantic relationship? I mean, is it all physical attraction or do things like personality, sense of humor, honesty, fun, companionship mean little to the attraction? The fact that he/she is hot, is that why we want to get to know them? Are we all that shallow because we are basically condemning someone because of their genes?

 

Any thoughts.....

 

Difficult to tell. A lot of people have different preferences. Physical attraction is but a part. Probably for a lot of romantic relationships the most important one; but a lot of these don't last of course, or end after a couple of months. The longer you know a person, the more you discover the other qualities or lack thereof.

 

I honestly don't understand why the sense of humor is so important. If I wanted to laugh, I would hang out with a comedian. I can be humorous at times, but to make that a requirement is absurd - but of course everyone may make his / her own demands.

 

A pretty body is just that - a pretty body. It takes a brain to make a man / woman, instead of a boy / girl. As for wanting to get to know someone, a lot of people let themselves be led by looks, especially when they are younger, and haven't figured out that looks are not everything.

 

We are not all that shallow, and most people grow a healthier attitude down the line.

[Auz]

Don't love someone because they are beautiful - they should be beautiful because you love them.

 

 

Auz

[moimeme]

Don't love someone because they are beautiful - they should be beautiful because you love them.

 

I couldn't agree more

 

I honestly don't understand why the sense of humor is so important. If I wanted to laugh, I would hang out with a comedian. I can be humorous at times, but to make that a requirement is absurd - but of course everyone may make his / her own demands.

 

You need a sense of humour to survive on this planet. When the really awful things happen to you, sometimes the only way to stay sane is to be able to find a lighter side to the situation. And shared laughter is one real fine bonding experience.

 

It takes a brain to make a man / woman, instead of a boy / girl. As for wanting to get to know someone, a lot of people let themselves be led by looks, especially when they are younger, and haven't figured out that looks are not everything.

 

You are *so* right. It is what a man has to say and what kind of a person he is that makes him attractive to me.

[Tamed Wildflower]

Alright, I hope this is not against post-board etiquette, but I am copying and pasting something that I wrote in another thread because I think it speaks nicely to the poster's question. From some of the comments in this thread, it sounds like maybe I may be on to something. I would be interested to know what people think.

 

Here it is:

One of my favorite subjects to converse about with other people is attraction, and through my asking other people questions I have come to some generalizations about how men and women experience attraction. These are generalizations, so obviously they are not going to be true for EVERYONE, b/c people are different. But I think they're more true than not.

 

For MEN... physical attraction comes first, and is really important. A man can be physically attracted to a woman before he knows anything else about her. Physical attraction is entirely a visual experience. And physical attraction is like a pre-requisite to other kinds of attraction. It's like you have to walk in the physical attraction door before it will even occur to him to consider whether you are intellectually interesting, sweet, loving, or whatever else he might be interested in.

 

For WOMEN... many of us can not just look at a man, size him up, and know in an instant whether or not we are interested. Whether or not we feel physical or sexual attraction to him is often dependent on how we feel about him otherwise; it is often dependent on the broader context of our relationship with him or our general impression of him. For many women, if you ask them if they are sexually attracted to a guy, they will stop and think for a few seconds... in those seconds they are using their imagination to create a sexual situation with the guy... then their answer is based on 1) how easy it was to imagine a situation in which they would want to sleep with him, and 2) how much they liked thinking about it. Attraction, even straight-up sexual attraction, is far more than just a visual experience.

[RecordProducer]

I am with Pocky on this one. I am abso-f*cking-lutely not attracted to what other girls find good-looking. Hollywood-actor type of men don't impress me at all. It's different when you watch a movie where the actor plays a hero and is generally perfect in all aspects so you fall in love with the character and his cute face, but in fact it's just good acting.

In real life, I don't even notice men by their faces. Sometimes I notice bodies, but it's a very shallow feeling.

I definitely have my type of men. Certain facial features turn me on more than others. For example I like brown or blond hair (not black) and I don't like round faces and cheeks.

I like men who smell good and have a good body posture. I love self-confident and successful men. I don't like men who don't know how to behave with children. I like tolerant men...the list is soooooo long..

[XNemesisX]

I do think physical attraction comes first.

 

Although I have found people not-so-attractive at first but after getting to know them more I started being REALLY attracted to them.

 

Of course, these few individuals that I wasn't attracted to initially I only got to know them because we had mutual friends so there was some other reason why I was spending time around them and THEN got to know them.

 

If I wasn't attracted to someone initially, odds are I would never get to know the person.

 

I don't necessarily find the typical Hollywood guy attractive either. Actually, it sounds like my type is a little bit different than yours RecordProducer! I only date guys with black hair. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to like any other hair color. The guy must be tall (over 6'0") Sean Penn and Edward Norton are some examples of men I find VERY SEXY that most people don't.

 

As for personality characteristics - there are so many. Sense of humor is DEFINITELY one of them. I have to be around someone that can laugh and goof off and not take their self too seriously. I hate a guy who is too defensive or stubborn, ill-natured, or a real know-it-all. And yeah..my list goes on too....

 

There have been so many times that a guy I found good looking completely lost all appeal after getting to know him. The number 1 factor I give for this lack of interest is his lack of humor/not laughing a lot/ and just all around boring personality. If a guy has nothing to say, can't take a joke, can't laugh at himself....then I am outta there.

[RecordProducer]

Yeah, me too, Nemesis, you put my thoughts well. My favorite face is Eric Roberts (and some actors whose names I don't know). Neither Sean Penn or Edward Norton are my types (so don't worry, I won't try and steal them from ya ).

I guess a huge turn-on for me is a guy who is easy-going, but serious and grounded in reality.

What I don't like in a man:

Those guys who seem to be aware that women love them, self-sufficient, always flirting with everyone, and their moms cook their favorite meals when they visit them.

I also don't like guys who imagine themselves as walking encyclopedia. You bring taxes and they tell you about the whole tax system. Knowledge can't replace intelligence and sense of humor.

I don't like guys who are picky about food either. "I like white beans, but I don't eat red beans. I can eat mashed potato, but I prefer baked potato. I don't eat tomato, except in ketchup. I don't eat spinach." Actually I had a BF who (on my request) gave me a list of things my mom and I should cook for him when he visited me. He ended up eating everything, but he didn't appreciate my mom's effort. He didn't offer to buy food for the fridge or take my mom to dinner or at least say "Please, ma'am don't cook for me!" He just liked to eat it.

And I ABSOLUTELY despise rude men or those with bad manners. Perfect manners are a must for me.

Cheap guys...gimme the creeps!

[XNemesisX]

You are right on Record Producer!

 

All of the above to everything you said (except for Eric Roberts - not sure I know who that is) What movie has he played in?

 

I almost spit my grapefruit juice on the mom comments and the food comments. You pretty much just described my ex. It was a nightmare to go to restaurants because of how particular he was about the food. It was absolutely ridiculous. I can't even tell you how many food requirements he had because it would take me all night to list it all. He had the tomato hangup that is for sure! If a tomato had even merely TOUCHED his food he would throw the whole thing away. His own mom told me that before I married him she would have to teach me how to cook what he liked to eat because he was so "particular."

 

Oh and he was definitely a mama's boy - and that is such a turn off. He says his mom will even still give him a sponge bath when he gets a migraine (he ALWAYS complained of migraines or some other physical ailment). I thought this was so WEIRD but he would look at me like I had three heads when I would say this. Also, he talked to his mom for AT LEAST a few hours a day. Talked about her nonstop...I just wanted to scream at him to GROW UP! Also gotta love it when the guy tells his mommy every little detail about the relationship!

 

Ok..enough about the ex. The walking encyclopedia..ditto to that too. Ugh...I cannot stand a know it all or a guy who thinks he is Einstein reincarnated.

 

Cheap guys - yep same here. I did really like this one guy not too long ago until he acted like he was going to croak at the thought of buying me an Arby's kids meal. Last time he ever heard from me I will tell you that...

 

Oh and one more thing...guys that snore. I can't tolerate that.

[RecordProducer]

Your story made me laugh, no wonder he's your EX. If it weren't sad, it would have been funny! My ex-husband was a mamma's boy too. His mom was the sacred cow in the family. A woman who was sitting in front of the TV all day, with one cigarette following another, was considered "hard-working," because she cooked! Big deal, she cuts the onion during the first commercials, puts the meat in the pot during the second, and turns the heat off during the third. She is an elementary school graduate (probably just the first 4 grades) and when she would talk about all kinds of nonsense, he would sit and listen to her carefully. We had a huge difference in mentality, education, and class. I come from a family where everyone graduated from college and my ex was a high school graduate. That was just one of the issues. I was an idiot to marry him in the first place. So class is another thing that is a must for me.

The aforementioned ex also was a mamma's boy (the one with the food). And he was always sick. He had a jet lag or his stomach was out of order or he would feel weird and he thought the whole universe was spinning around his health problems. Well maybe he really had all those problems, but I think his main problem was that he had a mental illness in his family. So his faults were most likely a consequence of a certain congenital damage.

Oh, we forgot one of the most important things: SEX! I LOVE when a guy is a good lover. My current BF is so great, the best I ever had. And he loves to give oral sex!

[BigB]

Originally posted by YX32Nemesis

Oh and one more thing...guys that snore. I can't tolerate that.

 

But we can't help it!

[tokyo]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

I was an idiot to marry him in the first place.

I know I'm too curious sometimes, but how come you were interested in him at all?? He displayed so many red flags, how come you married him, with all these huuuge differences?? I mean, you don't look stupid or desperate or anything, I just don't understand this....

[BigB]

Originally posted by Marshbear

What is the main basis for a romantic relationship? I mean, is it all physical attraction or do things like personality, sense of humor, honesty, fun, companionship mean little to the attraction? The fact that he/she is hot, is that why we want to get to know them? Are we all that shallow because we are basically condemning someone because of their genes?

 

Any thoughts.....

 

With a complete stranger, yes their looks might be the first reason I talk to them.

 

however, for me, all my past GF's were friends of friends, I may have found them slightly attractive at first, but I usually don't fall for a girl until I get to know her. It's actually a problem for me, because I'm usually in the friend zone before I realize I have feelings for someone.

[RecordProducer]

Kooky, we were friends for 6.5 years before we started dating. He appeared wonderful in all aspects. I thought he'd make a great husband.

 

My guy snores like a power saw. But I snore too...not as much as him though.

[tokyo]

RecordProducer, I think my dealbreakers are different ones and I think it's different when you are in love with someone already and *then* discover the big flaws. It happens...