crazychick Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I had a great night last night. I was hanging out with this new guy. After work we went to the gym and worked out together then went back to his place and showered and grilled some steaks and just relaxed watching tv and talking. It was really nice. I spent the night, but nothing happend...well there was some kissing but I am not really ready to do more than that right now. I am enjoying taking it slow. Woke up this morning and he was curled up next to me and holding my hand. It was really sweet. I like him a lot. Problem. He asked me to go with him to a mutal friends birthday party this weekend and I accepted. This was before I knew where the party is. It is at this bar that is like 2 minutes from my ex's house. We used to go there together and eat and hang out. I am still not over the ex, I just have all of these messed up feeling about him. I haven't talked to him in a week, and I don't plan on talking to him or anything , and I don't want to get back together. It's just that we were together for a year and there is all of this history and I just feel messed up. This is my friends 30th birthday so its kind of a big deal. I don't want to not go, but I really feel sick at the idea of being surrounded by memories of the ex all night. So what do I do? Suck it up and just deal with it? Put my friend first? I am trying so hard to get over this, but I really hate the thought of being there right now. Any thoughts on what I should do to get past this?
royGbiv Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Yes suck it up and put your friend first. Then show up late and leave early.
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Yeah, I've had this kind of thing happen. The best thing IMHO is to tell the new guy that this place has bad memories and briefly explain (but don't dwell on it). He will probably be very understanding and you can work something out together. If he isn't understanding, then this is worth knowing too. General guy-view comment: we don't mind girls being emotional - we rather like it. But it's very offputting when you start behaving strangely for no apparent reason and don't tell us why. If you turn up to this place and start behaving oddly, he is unlikely to guess what is really going on and quite likely to think you're a fruitcake. Talk to him!
Cecelius Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 I'd counter that, since when I hear about exes, I back up about a hundred feet from where I was -- as a man, there is NO upside in being involved with anyone who still is where you are with the ex. I'm not saying lie to him, but if you think the angst over the history with the ex outweighs the obligation to attend the friend's birthday and your desire to see the new-ish guy, then just back out politely but early and tell him something came up. If not, then just go and don't worry about it. If you are over your ex in a factual way, and its just a matter of time before the closet gets cleaned out, and you're moving slow, if at all, with the new guy, then why make a big thing of it?
Author crazychick Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 I agree, I don't want to tell him about the ex situation. I mean he knows about him, but I don't want to go into detail about this bar and the whole thing. I don't want to freak him out and make him think something is still there between me and the ex because there isn't. There's just history that I wanted to avoid facing right now and really ever. I mean once you break up with someone isn't it normal not to want to be near them at all, especially not at a bar where you can virtually see his apartment from? I guess I need to be the bigger person here and put these feelings behind me, and go enjoy the party and concentrate on being with my friends who I care about and the new guy. I should be strong enough to do that, if I can then I will know that this stuff with the ex is all behind me. Right?
prisoner Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 Chicago is a small town. Big city, small town. What you describe happens in New York and LA and evrywhere all of the time. It is not the place that is causing you the grief, it is the thought that you don't want your past to ruin your future. Go and you will get over it. Don't go and you just make a non-issue a star for a day. look at it this way: how would you feel if he came to you and explained that his ex used to go that movie theatr and he would prefer to see the movie across town? crazy, right? it's just a movie theatre, right? well, it is just a bar. there must be other places you went with the ex. granted at varying frequencies but surely there are restaurants and clubs and streets and songs, etc. do not be held by what you cannot control. go. enjoy your friends. enjoy your new man. if you see the ex you can take solace in the fact that you are doing what it takes to get over him.
Author crazychick Posted April 7, 2005 Author Posted April 7, 2005 Wow, prisoner. You are absolutely right. I didn't really think about it that way. The only way to move on from the past is to do just that, move on from the past. Put it behind you and start over. I don't need to hide from my memories, I just need to face them and realize that they are just memories. I have had boyfriends before. Not like this is the first one I ever broke up with. I am a big girl, I can do this. I can't let him or the memory of him control me.
prisoner Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 you are supposed to be crazy. instaed you sound as though you are thinking rationally. quick do three shots of tequila and drunk dial someone fast or you will compromise your online persona. seriously, good for you. it's the only way.
Author crazychick Posted April 8, 2005 Author Posted April 8, 2005 Done and done! As long as I'm not drunk dialing my ex we should be fine. Oddly enough whenever I am really drunk I usually only call my sister. I know that probably sounds weird, but she is required to like me by blood so I can get away with calling her to tell her that her favorite song is playing at this bar or the funniest thing happened, etc. Perhaps I have to work on my crazy skills....
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