VedderisBetter Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Would you date someone after googling their full name and finding out they had been arrested for a misdemeanor but now have a decent job and degree?
Author VedderisBetter Posted February 26, 2015 Author Posted February 26, 2015 8.5 years ago and possession of pot. It's not me but the girl I am talking to.
badpenny Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Oh goodness. Stephen Fry went to Prison for fraud and theft. he recently got married. Leslie Grantham (British Actor) went to prison for murder. He was married until 2 years ago, but his divorce was unconnected to the crime. I think she would be ok to date....! 1
PegNosePete Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Seriously? That is all? The way you asked the question I thought it was going to be armed robbery or something. No I would not end a relationship because I found out my partner was in possession of some class C drugs almost a decade ago.
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 A misdemeanor wouldn't bother me. Although it's odd that a 1st offender went to jail on such a charge so I would want to know more. In this specific case I would need to know a lot more because I am very anti-drug. If the person still smoked, I'd leave. If the person did other drugs in the past I would need a ton more info. The info you found merits further discussion. 1
Revolver Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Being a criminal has never stopped a man from being successful with women. 1
Auspecial Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 It depends on the charges and/or convictions, how long ago, and how together the person presents as now. Also, personal insight as to what was going on, and personal accountability. Everyone makes mistakes. Some are worse or more troublesome than others. For example, I could forgive a "charge" of threat toward a female, because that could be a vindictive woman telling lies, or a big misunderstanding that quickly spiraled downward. But if there is more than one charge from more than one woman, thus showing a pattern of behavior, even if the charges did not turn into convictions......OR if just one charge but I see aggressive behavior early-on, then that is a deal breaker. Dui isn't a big deal to me. Its very easy to blow over .08, and it is big money these days. However, A string of charges but no convictions and still having open container in the car is very concerning as far as demonstrating ongoing lifestyle, lack of self-control and sense of entitlement. The record may basically look "clean," but the life really isn't. I would never tolerate any theft charge nor conviction regardless of misdemeanor or felony. Personally I would look more at patterns and co relations with observed behavior. I have seen and experienced instances of over-zealous police as well, so I don't immediately character assissin just because someone has a charge, nor minor conviction on their "record." People are more dynamic than this one label.
kendahke Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Would you date someone after googling their full name and finding out they had been arrested for a misdemeanor but now have a decent job and degree? Arrested is one thing. Charges can be dropped. One has to have the charges adjudicated in court in order to obtain the misdemeanor. So, no.. a misdemeanor isn't a deterrent on its own. A felony would be. 1
stillmind Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Did they do something dumb as a dumb kid fresh out of high school or were they shoplifting underpants last weekend? It depends.
carhill Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Arrest records are public now? Been awhile. I haven't personally viewed any arrest records. IME, doing criminal background checks on tenants, where there's a conviction, there's likely a lot more behind it, as it generally takes a lot to get convicted these days. All else being equal, at my age, I probably wouldn't date someone with a conviction record. The most common in my generation and experience have been drug and DUI convictions, followed by related vehicular manslaughter (killing someone while driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol). Pass.
Gaeta Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 8.5 years ago and possession of pot. It's not me but the girl I am talking to. To me that's nothing. After 8.5 years I would encourage him to file for a pardon and have this erased.
badpenny Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 (edited) A misdemeanor wouldn't bother me. Although it's odd that a 1st offender went to jail on such a charge so I would want to know more. Where do you get they went to jail? Arrest, yes... But I don't see anything about being sentenced.... Edited February 26, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fixed quote
Jethro Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 To me that's nothing. After 8.5 years I would encourage him to file for a pardon and have this erased. In the States it's not called a pardon, it's called having your record expunged. I know because I have looked into it for myself. I have a large criminal record, and for the OP I will explain my situation for the sake of argument. I grew up in a very small town. Graduating class of 42 students, town of 5000 residents. Everyone knows everyone including the cops. I had a storybook childhood, summers at the ocean, we had a ski house in the winters. But apparently my father was a cheating dog and my parents got divorced when I was 13. It devastated my mother and made life miserable for my sister and I. I rebelled horrifically. Started stealing the family car when I was 15, smoking pot, doing coke when I was 16 or so. In the course of 3 years I was arrested at least 10 times, nothing violent at all, just me being stupid- drugs, vandalism of property, underage drinking... Eventually my parents even gave up on me and the only thing that turned me around was a 6 month change of address in a medium security prison. No felony charges but enough of them to land me in prison. Fast forward to today, 28 years later... I am as law abiding as a person gets. I have a 6 figure income, I have a professional career in Project Management. Not a single soul I meet these days would ever imagine I had ever been arrested in my life. I am extremely well spoken and articulate. You could trust me with anything, your money, your kids... my boss trusts me with 10 million a year in what I do and I do it well. So to the OP, please be aware that there are good people out there that have troubled pasts. I wasn't a bad kid, just stupid. 3
LoveRefreshed Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 lawls. Didn't read the other responses. Having been once arrested for smoking pot, this is a joke. I was lucky enough to have my record sealed, but seriously? Beware the stoners. No one ever smokes pot when they are young and care free...
kendahke Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Arrest records are public now? Been awhile. I haven't personally viewed any arrest records. they always were. Now, they're online.
carhill Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Locally, our sheriff releases arrest records and police reports to victims, lawyers, insurance representatives and other 'authorized individuals' in-person at the sheriff's office for a duplication fee. I'll check with one of the deputies to see if I qualify as an 'authorized individual'. In the past, I used a licensed private investigator for background checks and their work only returned convictions, not arrests. I'll inquire about that too. Thanks!
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Yeah I think a Misdemeanor pot charge is a joke... I wouldn't even bring it up/worry about it.
Gary S Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 That's very minor and a long time ago, I would not worry about it. It's not as if she were a bunny boiler! That said, I be more concerned if she was addicted to pot NOW? Drug addictions are a deal-breaker.
rester Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I wouldn't bat an eye for a misdemeanor for pot possession 8.5 years ago. I'd think it was stupid to get caught, because it's pretty darn easy to keep pot use a secret, but a simple misdemeanor 8-1/2 years ago wouldn't bother me at all. A DUI, though? I don't agree with the poster that says that's no big deal and that it's a just a big money maker. Have at it, law enforcement. Fine the living crap out of those people. Nobody should be drinking and driving and putting other peoples' lives at risk. I've seen way too much of the damage this has caused individuals and entire families. Innocent families that were just trying to get home from grandma's house or to and from their job. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone that is irresponsible enough to be driving after drinking. And I'm completely fine with recreational drug use, just not while driving.
blackcat777 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 If you're the kind of person who would change your opinion over someone being charged once for possession of a reasonably small amount of pot, you should probably save yourself the headache and find someone with whom you are more compatible. If this subject is a huge source of inner turmoil, you're probably doing yourself and the other person a favor by not getting involved. 2
Creativity Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Depends. I am anti smoking of anything. People I associate with embrace a healthy lifestyle. So, yes, it is a 'big deal' to me. Is it a deal breaker?..depends on their attitude towards it. If it was all a big joke to them, etc. then yes, 'bye bye'. Drugs are not a joke. A note. My father was a local deputy then county sheriff for all of my childhood years. It is rare for someone to be formally charged on a first isolated offence involving pot or even opiates.. It is more common for something more serious (trafficking) to be bargained down to a misdemeanour. There is probably more to this person's past than is on the surface.
blackcat777 Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 Where I live, they hand the misdemeanors out like candy, which has been absolutely shocking to me, as I used to live somewhere where pot was decriminalized. But rather than starting a huge debate about health, location, politics, whatever, long story short, if you have strong feelings about substances, it's like sex drive, politics, religion, anything else... make sure you and your partner *match.*
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 I wouldn't worry about it unless it was for something serious.
Recommended Posts