Didn't really it would be like this.....

[Ally-65]

A longish story cut short - I have been dating a guy for the last two years. We have had a few short breakups during this time. When we first started seeing each other he was newly seperated from his wife of 10 years. The divorce went through about a year ago. It was the wifes decision to divorce, he thought he wanted it too but turns out that he didnt. He was nothing but honest with me about not being able to commit to me at the moment. I was ok with that at the time. He was seeing a therapist to help him through the divorce emotions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was not good at sharing emotions with me and I found that he shut me out, rather than talk about feelings etc.

So, after two years I thought (wrongly) that he must be getting ready to commit to me a little more. I made the mistake of beginning to push for more.... suggesting that we go out together more, and (worst of all) wanting him to meet my family.

 

 

He totally backed off and has now ended it with me.... saying that he must get over the divorce alone, and get back to being a whole person again.

I am just numb with the pain of losing him and he was crying too when he was talking to me. He wished we could have worked out but it was just too emotional for him.

I really didn't think it would work out this way. How long does it take to get over a divorce? Should I wait for him ?

I am so sorry that so many of us on here are going through so much pain.

Edited February 26, 2015 by Ally-65
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[d0nnivain]

Do not wait for him. When you got involved you were a rebound -- a person to fill the empty space left by his wife's departure from his life. The few breaks ups you had during the last two years indicate that this relationship was never healthy or solid. The fact that he finally saw that he wasn't being fair to you or himself is the small silver lining in all of this because as much as it hurts, you are now free to go find somebody for whom you will be 1st choice, not the consolation prize.

[PegNosePete]

I'm sorry for your pain. It doesn't sound like you were treated very well well at all.

 

We have had a few short breakups during this time.

It is my experience that no "happily ever after" story, ever beings like this. This is a sure sign that the relationship will be rocky at best.

 

Should I wait for him ?

No. If he wanted to be with you then he would be. It doesn't make sense for you to commit further to a guy that has already ended his relationship with you.

 

You should move on. Now if at some point in the future this guy comes back to you then you can decide if you want to take him back or not. But certainly do not wait around for that to happen - it may never come and you will waste your life.

 

And I would look at this as a learning experience. In hindsight you can see there were many signs / red flags that this relationship was not going to work out. Hopefully you will be better able to spot them in the future.