Ordinaryday Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Long story short, there is a girl I liked who was my friend on facebook. we knew each other in real life as well, but had not seen each other in awhile so mainly chatted on fb. anyway, over the past few months she had been messaging me every day and started telling me how much she liked me, wanted to hook up with me, be with me, etc. I really liked this girl and went along with it, and she is in another state at the moment and said that as soon as she gets back she wants to hook up with me. I thought that was great! anyway, a few weeks ago she met some guy through work who she really likes and it got intense fast, and they hooked up. she posted photos of them kissing on her fb, and posted that she is in a relationship with him. she kept messaging me and I bluntly asked her where we stood now that she was with that guy, and she said that she wanted to keep chatting to me, but as a friend, and that we wouldnt be hooking up anymore, but she wanted to stay friends. she seems to mean it - she keeps messaging me to say hi, and commenting on photos and stuff but I told her that I did not mind talking to her when we were going to hook up, but now that she has a man it is making me uncomfortable. thing is, I like this girl and seeing her with this guy hurts me and I just dont see the point in staying 'friends' with her. all the intimate deep talks we used to have are over, she just wants to say a casual 'hi' every now and then now, and to be blunt, I just dont see the point of continuing to remain in contact with her, cos it hurts me seeing her with this guy. I spoke to a few friends about it and they said that unfriending her because she now has a boyfriend is incredibly superficial and mean, and that I should stay her friend. I just dont know what to do. should I cut her out of my life completely. or stay 'just friends' with her?
organizedchaos Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Um, it's mean for you to unfriend her? What? Was it mean for her to do this to you? Unfriend. Move on to the next one. 2
erklat Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Run, Forest, run! I had exact same situation two years ago sharp. Delete, block, move on. Our story ended interesting, I met her in a bar and I simply nodded at her, she was with another acquaintance, I knew them both. That day she panicked with 5 messages and three calls immediately after. I haven't heard from her since. I guess she knew she couldn't string me any longer. Delete and forget her forever. 2
Always Pondering Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I don't think doing that would be superficial or mean. If it hurts you, it's not wrong to stop chatting to her and I'm sure you don't plan on taking up a nice, warm spot in the friendzone. I would tell her why you're unfriending her before you do though just to be cordial about it. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I wouldn't unfriend her but I would make sure her posts stop showing up in your feed. I don't know how to do that but there is a way. Put some distance in there & certainly do what you need to do to make sure you no longer have the pictures of them being thrown in your face. 1
Stercrazy Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I would just block her. Not worth your time since she's posting pics of her kissing other guys. 1
MWood Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I think one of the learning experiences from this post would be to act sooner than wait it out. She may have thought you were uninterested. Of course, if distance prevented all of that, then I understand. I wonder really how much it would affect her if you did delete her? Probably not a lot in truth. Block her, and find some more interesting and engaging people to be friendly with. 1
organizedchaos Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I wouldn't unfriend her but I would make sure her posts stop showing up in your feed. I don't know how to do that but there is a way. Put some distance in there & certainly do what you need to do to make sure you no longer have the pictures of them being thrown in your face. There is a way to hide posts from someone but then there's still the ability and temptation to check up on her. There is no point whatsoever to stay connected unless he's fine just being her friend. If she's upset over it so what. She needs to know there are consequences for her actions. Most likely she won't care. 3
Light Breeze Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 There is a way to hide posts from someone but then there's still the ability and temptation to check up on her. There is no point whatsoever to stay connected unless he's fine just being her friend. If she's upset over it so what. She needs to know there are consequences for her actions. Most likely she won't care. I just want to add, by not blocking and unfriending her, this girl can still message OP. And that isn't good for his healing. 2
kendahke Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 (edited) Long story short, there is a girl I liked who was my friend on facebook. we knew each other in real life as well, but had not seen each other in awhile so mainly chatted on fb. anyway, over the past few months she had been messaging me every day and started telling me how much she liked me, wanted to hook up with me, be with me, etc. I really liked this girl and went along with it, and she is in another state at the moment and said that as soon as she gets back she wants to hook up with me. I thought that was great! anyway, a few weeks ago she met some guy through work who she really likes and it got intense fast, and they hooked up. she posted photos of them kissing on her fb, and posted that she is in a relationship with him. she kept messaging me and I bluntly asked her where we stood now that she was with that guy, and she said that she wanted to keep chatting to me, but as a friend, and that we wouldnt be hooking up anymore, but she wanted to stay friends. she seems to mean it - she keeps messaging me to say hi, and commenting on photos and stuff but I told her that I did not mind talking to her when we were going to hook up, but now that she has a man it is making me uncomfortable. thing is, I like this girl and seeing her with this guy hurts me and I just dont see the point in staying 'friends' with her. all the intimate deep talks we used to have are over, she just wants to say a casual 'hi' every now and then now, and to be blunt, I just dont see the point of continuing to remain in contact with her, cos it hurts me seeing her with this guy. I spoke to a few friends about it and they said that unfriending her because she now has a boyfriend is incredibly superficial and mean, and that I should stay her friend. I just dont know what to do. should I cut her out of my life completely. or stay 'just friends' with her? Screw what your friends say. Telling someone how much you liked them and wanted to be with them, then finding someone else, getting into a relationship with them and then posting pictures of the two of them on facebook *and not telling you, but letting you find out with the rest of her pool of friends* is extremely unkind and thoughtless. Unfriend her and block her. If she won't respect her boyfriend, then you do it. You have nothing against this guy, so don't disrespect him for her. She has no reason to keep in touch with someone she led to believe she wanted to be with romantically. Staying friends with her harms you. It makes you hurt. It reminds you of something she agreed to do then backed out. You have to be about protecting yourself and if you wont' do it, no one else is going to do it. Edited February 26, 2015 by kendahke 2
kendahke Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I don't know about you, but I would not want to be with someone who is pursuing me, talking to me about wanting to be with me when they get back in town, then puts pictures of them kissing someone else on public display... that's just plain messy and I don't do sloppy seconds. 2
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