Online Dating for Men is Nothing but Looks

[dreamingoftigers]

I've been complimented many many times on

 

 

lips

eyes

teeth

"jawline"

for being "jacked" (IE muscular)

for dressing great

etc...

 

 

but again, here's the kicker. All these compliments were by random people, straight men, gay men, much much older women, acquaintances, family friends - basically people I don't want to have any sexual relations with.

 

 

The attractive women my age don't care because they want nothing to do with me

 

On or offline?

 

 

Or both?

 

 

Because if it is both, then it ISN"T your looks.

 

 

And therefore.......the thread premise slowly dies.

[Agalloch7]

Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, your "not capable" friend might just have seized upon an outlier girl. Maybe a girl who has a fetish for 5'6"?

 

 

This is where you need to stop making up nonsense when you have no idea what's going on. Outlier, lmao. My friend has been with more women than half the men on this site combined. It's no outlier

 

 

He's not some super intelligent guy who always knows what to say. That super generic message he sent to her is how he talks to women in general. He says the same sh*t that every other guy who can't get a date says, the difference is that they don't look like him

[Macattack]

Sounds like you live in a big city. I live in a very large city and women tend to be cold around here.

[Agalloch7]

Sounds like you live in a big city. I live in a very large city and women tend to be cold around here.

 

 

fairly large city, I live not too far from Chicago

[Macattack]

I never tried OLD and probably never will. I prefer real life interaction.

[Agalloch7]

I never tried OLD and probably never will. I prefer real life interaction.

 

online dating is just atrocious. Unless you look either male model or a step below male model, forget about it. You'll have to send 50,000 messages to get a date

 

 

Any halfway decent looking woman on there is receiving more messages than you can possibly fathom. It's created a culture where even the average women on there want perfection

[PegNosePete]

OK, sure whatever you say OP.

 

Now what do you want us to do about it? Or is this purely a rant?

 

This forum is for dating advice. There is a separate forum section for rants.

[LookAtThisPOst]

What I find ironic is the fact that even people who aren't much to look ta themselves, let's say they are overweight...they won't date someone that's equal to them in appearance.

 

It's funny how some aren't much to look at themselves or not much to offer in physical appearance, however, they'll reject someone just as equal to them in appearance.

 

It's as though they haven't stepped on a scale lately.

[Rko28]

I agree with a lot of this, OLD is very shallow with a lot of people continually looking for something better each time. It almost gets addictive.

 

OP, maybe your friend is just better looking than you and thats why hes had a date? Thats life man, theres always going to be someone better looking that each of us in some way.

 

If 2 girls messaged you the same thing as your friend did at the same time, one very attractive, the other mildy attractive, which one would you go out with?

 

Its just how OLD works im afraid, you can either let it knock you down or carry on searching.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have found I have better success with online dating if...

 

1. She's new to online dating in general.

2. She's new to the site.

 

I've noticed the longer the person has been on the site, the less likely they'll respond.

 

So with the newbies that come to the site, you have to strike while the iron is hot. LOL Otherwise, they'll become veterans and permanent fixtures of the online dating world with a thirst that'll never be satisfied.

[guest569]

Having a few extra pounds doesn't change who you are attracted to, it doesn't mean you would suddenly go for ugly people. I don't see any irony there. Dont get me wrong i asked myself, i dont really know how i rate in terms of attractiveness but yeah looks are still important to me, I want someone i am attracted to

[Rko28]

I have found I have better success with online dating if...

 

1. She's new to online dating in general.

2. She's new to the site.

 

I've noticed the longer the person has been on the site, the less likely they'll respond.

 

So with the newbies that come to the site, you have to strike while the iron is hot. LOL Otherwise, they'll become veterans and permanent fixtures of the online dating world with a thirst that'll never be satisfied.

 

Nail on the head here.

[Gaeta]

I have found I have better success with online dating if...

 

1. She's new to online dating in general.

2. She's new to the site.

 

I've noticed the longer the person has been on the site, the less likely they'll respond.

 

So with the newbies that come to the site, you have to strike while the iron is hot. LOL Otherwise, they'll become veterans and permanent fixtures of the online dating world with a thirst that'll never be satisfied.

 

And my experience has been the complete opposite. If I meet a man and I am his very first meet he won't stop at me, he just got on the site and his mind is already made up he will not stop at the first woman he meets.

 

Just arriving on the site also means he is freshly single and this is a type of men I don't touch.

 

A person that has been online for a while, as I am, is completely fed up. I have been around the block, most people will tell us we are superficial, picky etc so we start answering all types of messages that we would have never answered on our first day. I have been on dates with men missing front teeth for god sake lol, because when you have been on there for a long time you can't wait for the day you will meet someone and you will delete that profile.

[Justanaverageguy]

And my experience has been the complete opposite. If I meet a man and I am his very first meet he won't stop at me, he just got on the site and his mind is already made up he will not stop at the first woman he meets.

 

Just arriving on the site also means he is freshly single and this is a type of men I don't touch.

 

A person that has been online for a while, as I am, is completely fed up. I have been around the block, most people will tell us we are superficial, picky etc so we start answering all types of messages that we would have never answered on our first day. I have been on dates with men missing front teeth for god sake lol, because when you have been on there for a long time you can't wait for the day you will meet someone and you will delete that profile.

 

 

Yep - so true. Sorry to say but I was one of those guys.

 

Its bizarre world - I had never done OLD before. I came out of LTR and when you first start out and suddenly have the ability to go on multiple dates a week with different good looking women. It's a bit mind blowing. You kind of get sucked into the dating vortex and you want to see what is out there and available.

 

I remember going on an awesome date with a really nice and very pretty girl at the very beginning. We got on great and was an awesome date. I didn't call her back again because I'd only just started the process she was my second date and she was slightly too tall ..... so I would see what else was out there. She ended up being probably the best date I went on since I went back into the dating game. I got kind of an angry message from her a few weeks later and I was just like - Your an absolute fing idiot why in gods name did you not call that girl back ?!?

 

Its a bit disgusting when I look back - I didn't really use the OLD for very long just a kind of weird experiment. It becomes a bit addictive and is too much like people picking fruit in the grocery store. Anything with even the slightest blemish gets put back because you have 20 more to choose from and they might be better.

Edited February 26, 2015 by Justanaverageguy

[Revolver]

Men use online dating to hook up with girls less attractive then themselves.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

OP, I sympathize with your frustration. I can't even begin to understand what it must feel like to be in your shoes.

 

That being said, I think you need to change your attitude for when you DO meet up with a girl in person for coffee, drinks or dinner; even if you have to FAKE a positive and confident attitude for a while. Because as a woman, I can tell you that we can sense this kind of vibe from a man a mile off; and it's not something we'd be attracted to, no matter how good looking or clean cut a guy's appearance is.

 

You could have a point with regard to the way you look ethnic-wise. But you have to remember that everybody has their own preference with regard to what type of facial look they're attracted to. For me personally, a guy's ethnic look doesn't matter as much as if he's clean cut: short hair nicely cut or styled, no facial hair or a light goatee or mustache. There are a lot of guys who do NOT fit this type of facial attractiveness, but there ARE guys who DO - and THOSE are the guys who attract me and who I go for.

 

You shouldn't be bitter about this. Frustrated, yes. But bitter? No. I think you'd have better luck dating the ol' fashioned way - IRL. Good luck, OP...and um, chin up!

 

 

P.S. Oh and STOP comparing yourself to your friend. He's white looking and you're hispanic looking. So freakin' what?! There are MANY women who LOVE the greek/spanish/arab/indian looking guys! You'll meet one of them soon enough.

 

 

.

[Justanaverageguy]

Women are more shallow than men nowadays

And it just absolutely astonishes me, it makes me head want to explode right now that we have a thread talking about a guy who sent the most goddamn generic and boring opener to a pretty and classy woman online and got a date that day (something that 99% of men try and fail at miserably) yet we're sitting here talking about attitude and profiles

....

I'll start a profile with pictures of my buddy and have 20 dates with good looking women in a month. The profile will be horrible and the messages will be the same generic garbage that he told the other girl. How much money do you want to bet? I'll bet any amount. 3,000, 5,000, 10,000 you name it

....

online dating is just atrocious. Unless you look either male model or a step below male model, forget about it. You'll have to send 50,000 messages to get a date. Any halfway decent looking woman on there is receiving more messages than you can possibly fathom. It's created a culture where even the average women on there want perfection

 

Sounds like sour grapes. I'm not going to dispute that OLD is superficial. It is. But it is also not purely about looks. Its about presentation and how you come across in both your messages, pictures, profile.

 

The fact you are so negative above almost assures me that your approach will not be ideal. You claim to be smarter then, better then, wittier then and less generic then your friend. Chances are you are trying to be all of those things way too hard and or lacking confidence. Your buddy on the other hand is not over thinking it and just being himself and straight forward. I found from my OLD experiment that most girls are actually just looking for a normal, down to earth and above all - fun and interesting guy to go on a date with.

 

I'm not a horrible looking guy but I am certainly no Brad pit or male model. I'm also not an overly tall guy at 5'8 which people often quote as being a problem for OLD. I was new to OLD so at first I didn't do well and struggled to get matches or dates. But I figured out what worked - updated my pics, profile and the way I approached girls and then the floodgates opened. Same guy - no better or worse looking - but adjusting my presentation made a huge difference.

 

And yes the pictures are the MOST important thing with OLD. But not just for looks. They should say something about you - give off the vibe of the type of person you are. The front picture should jump out at them and have a point of difference that makes them stop and have a closer look. I tested different ones to see what worked. I had 2 pictures that guaranteed messages from girls. The most successful one was just a really funny picture of me with my dog - who happens to be a killer with the ladies and the best wingman a guy could get. 90% of the messages I got from women started with a joke about my dog. It was not rocket science just something basic that made people take notice, was a conversation starter and gave me a foot in the door.

[Agalloch7]

That being said, I think you need to change your attitude for when you DO meet up with a girl in person for coffee, drinks or dinner; even if you have to FAKE a positive and confident attitude for a while. Because as a woman, I can tell you that we can sense this kind of vibe from a man a mile off; and it's not something we'd be attracted to, no matter how good looking or clean cut a guy's appearance is.

 

My personality in person in real life is great, I'm not even 1% concerned about that. People love me in real life because I'm very friendly and easy going while still being masculine. My self esteem is sky high nowadays

 

I've said this before, give me 2 or 3 dates with women attracted to me and at least one of them will want to date me long term, if not all 3

 

 

P.S. Oh and STOP comparing yourself to your friend. He's white looking and you're hispanic looking. So freakin' what?! There are MANY women who LOVE the greek/spanish/arab/indian looking guys! You'll meet one of them soon enough.

 

 

These women don't exist in my world

 

Every one of my friends who is about equally good looking as I am, but has the all american look has woman throw themselves at them left and right now