Cheeko96 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Ive been with my girlfriend for about six months now. Everything has been really good (she claims im her best friend, and we plan things a lot.. and usually spend the night at her place several nights a week after i finish night classes) The last week or two she has felt rather distant through text messages. Short replies, sometimes stops replying mid conversation and doesnt say anything until i say something to her later in the day. I have asked her if everything is okay, ect. She has claimed she is stressed out over some things, and doesnt wanna "push me" away with her issues when ive told her that its okay to be open and that im here for her. We have a very open relationship and communicate very well over things. In person she has seemed completely normal for the most part, but i have noticed she has become a tiny bit secretive at times with her cell phone.. when she used to check everything infront of me openly ( she still does ) but a few times she has hidden the phone a few times and recently had a faint smile at a late night message while she was reading it kinda secretly ( we were laying in bed next to each other) I dont feel she is up to anything but my gut has a uneasy feeling over some stuff.. and i dont know how to confront her in a small way. She always has good thigns to say, is happy to see me, always tells me how much i make her happy ect but i cant shake this small feeling. Am i over thinking the scenario ? or should i maybe bring it up sometime with her. I wil say i do have some past insecurities due to a horrible past relationship which she does know about my insecurities and wants to help me work on them but ive been told to always trust you gut instinct.
Author Cheeko96 Posted February 26, 2015 Author Posted February 26, 2015 (edited) Should i confront her about how i feel? Edit: She has never not given me a reason not to trust her.. so im kinda of torn on what to do Edited February 26, 2015 by Cheeko96 Add Info.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 (edited) Everyone has insecurities, but unless you have a reason not to trust her, you should trust her. Some of the stuff you said is mildly suspicious but it doesn't mean shes cheating necessarily. Remember - if you confront her and she isn't doing anything wrong, it will look bad for you, and could damage your relationship. Edited February 26, 2015 by barcode88 1
LoveRefreshed Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 If you are open and communicate well, look her dead in the eye and ask her if she is missing anything. If there is something more that she needs in her life in terms of a relationship. The smile and secret text reading could be someone flirting with her, and since she is smiling and being secretive about it, she likes it. It sounds like the start of an EA thing, and now is the time to try and stop it before it happens. If it is the case. Don't accuse her, instead try to talk about your relationship with her if you're so open.
youknow Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 every time similar circumstances had happened to me it turns out that someone else came along.....i would just back off her hard
SycamoreCircle Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 but my gut has a uneasy feeling over some stuff.. Believe that the subconscious mind knows things before the conscious mind. The subconscious is a faithful partner.
SycamoreCircle Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 but my gut has a uneasy feeling over some stuff.. Believe that the subconscious mind knows things before the conscious mind. The subconscious is a faithful partner.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Your subconscious can be your worst enemy too - sometimes what you thought was her smiling at a flirtatious text message from another guy was really a completely innocent text from her best friend. I wouldn't go cold on her based on pure speculation - and for the love of god don't spy on her - then your relationship is over at that point. If you can't trust each other you have no foundation for a relationship.
badpenny Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Tell her you read something interesting today.... Tell her that you read that a relationship is sustained, completely, by only three qualities: Trust Respect and Communication. These three are like the tripod that supports a dish, in a science lab. If one is damaged or broken, the other two - no matter how solid they SEEM - cannot, on their own, support the relationship (dish). The three can only function together, as a unit, to effectively sustain the relationship. Ask her what she thinks....? Does she agree...? Because of the three, Trust - if 'broken' or damaged, is the most difficult to 'repair' - and even though you might have invisible mending, just like a precious porcelain vase, you know it's still damaged and its value decreased 1
Author Cheeko96 Posted February 26, 2015 Author Posted February 26, 2015 I do trust her as she has not given me a reason not too... and would not go through the lengths to spy on her. That's just insanely overboard. Was more searching for opinions with the conflicting feelings. When I see her next I am going to ask what was said up there about missing anything and see how she reacts to that. Thank you all for taking the time to reply
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Tell her you read something interesting today.... Tell her that you read that a relationship is sustained, completely, by only three qualities: Trust Respect and Communication. These three are like the tripod that supports a dish, in a science lab. If one is damaged or broken, the other two - no matter how solid they SEEM - cannot, on their own, support the relationship (dish). The three can only function together, as a unit, to effectively sustain the relationship. Ask her what she thinks....? Does she agree...? Because of the three, Trust - if 'broken' or damaged, is the most difficult to 'repair' - and even though you might have invisible mending, just like a precious porcelain vase, you know it's still damaged and its value decreased I disagree... Being passive/aggressive and using "games" to guilt someone is manipulative and immature. Either trust the person - or confront them. No game playing. 1
badpenny Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 This isn't a game. he really DID read something interesting today. I just wrote it. And it's perfectly true, and isn't intended to manipulate, because I would think that in order for anyone to have a successful relationship, those qualities should definitely be in order. And if he's unsure about what's going on, then he has a right to put this forward as a point of discussion. 1
Author Cheeko96 Posted February 26, 2015 Author Posted February 26, 2015 I'm also against mind games. Have dealt with them a lot in the past and don't want to put someone through that when there has been good communication
badpenny Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Well, in that case, I am a little puzzled: You have a gut instinct that all is not 100%. You must have, or you would not have posted, right? Something deep inside you tells you something is amiss. You say you communicate well, but you have the impression that she hides some things from you, is a bit secretive and has been uncharacteristically detached at times, recently. So, here's the thing: You don't play 'mind games' but the situation therefore remains unresolved, in spite of reassuring comments from her.... You state you have insecurities; well, I'm sorry, unless you broach this with her, by communicating effectively, then I see little progress. There may well be ways to exact some kind of response from her that will put your mind completely at ease, and yes, it may involve doing something perhaps a bit devious. But if you are unwilling to do any of that - then what exactly ARE you willing to do? How can we help you, if what we suggest is rejected? What would you like us to offer, by way of assistance....?
deathandtaxes Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I do trust her as she has not given me a reason not too... and would not go through the lengths to spy on her. That's just insanely overboard. Was more searching for opinions with the conflicting feelings. When I see her next I am going to ask what was said up there about missing anything and see how she reacts to that. Thank you all for taking the time to reply Point blank ASK her what she was grinning about and what or who she was texting. The answer itself may not be important...it's how she reacts to your question.
mightycpa Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 The only effective response to a SO's texting "distance" is to give them texting distance back. Slow down on the texting a lot, and wait hours before you respond. Whenever you're lying in bed while she's reading her secret texts, excuse yourself and do a secret post here on LS. That way, you'll have a contemporaneous record of whatever is going on, and she'll begin to get curious as to why it is you always leave whenever she has a secret text. The trouble with asking her about it is that in my experience, if it is what you've led us to believe, she'll lie about it, and if it isn't, your accusations could lead you to where you don't want to go. If she is texting with some guy, you'll find out eventually, and whatever you do about it is justified. If not, then no harm.
losangelena Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 but i have noticed she has become a tiny bit secretive at times with her cell phone.. when she used to check everything infront of me openly ( she still does ) but a few times she has hidden the phone a few times and recently had a faint smile at a late night message while she was reading it kinda secretly ( we were laying in bed next to each other Oh, OP. I truly doubt anything is going on. I would stop paying so much attention to everything she does. You sound hyper-vigilant. My gay BFF and I are always texting stupid sh*t to each other, so there are times when (gasp, laying in bed next to my BF) I'll look at it and smile/giggle/outright laugh. Sometimes I'll share what it is with my BF and sometimes I won't—but it doesn't "mean" anything. I would ask her the next time you see her doing it what she's smiling about. See what she says.
Author Cheeko96 Posted February 27, 2015 Author Posted February 27, 2015 (edited) Apologies on the long post, you all have given me some good insight. I dont want to come off as ignorant in that sense.. I did ask her at the time what she was smirking at, and she claimed it was the "after sex smile" as we had just had sex not too long before this happened and we were laying down getting ready to go to sleep. Badpenny: i did not mean to come off that way, i just agreed with what you had said about mind games. This has been the only thing i feel she has kept hidden, and just noticed a maybe 3 times that she has kinda of read her phone in a odd direction. I do want to get to the bottom of it however possible to relax because i have really enjoied the relationship to this point and it seems mutual. She does know of my insecurities im just uneasy on how to bring up i feel a bit off on trust with her due to not having any reasons not to besides this little bit of behaviour. Ive also been trying to do the "distant" texting and let her take the lead in texting me, ect. Which sometimes i fail at doing, I have been doing it today.. with brief replies and random emoji faces. Which she asked "what???" and i replied with "nothing" and i haven't heard from her since then. In forms of assistance.. I feel the direct asking her in person is the way to go.. as i am usually very very good at reading body language and have pointed out to her when she has said "things are okay" which her body language has asid otherwise which has caused her to open up about it after. losangelena: My ex really did a number on my emotionally and mentally with lying litterally for two years straight when i knew what was going on the entire time.. with constant denial and then turing the blame on me after. I went through a wee bit of therapy after which who i spoke to always said to trust my instinct. As well as a few attempted relationships after my ex that were just as equally mind ****s on me. This has been my longest relationship since my ex. Which has so many good signs i feel i'm not thinking straight at times but just finding it hard to relax myself over the situation in a way. Edited February 27, 2015 by Cheeko96
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