Hopeful30 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I'm an extremely sexual person, but this side only comes out when I get into relationships. I feel like getting sexual with a man without getting into a relationship with him will only "taint" me somehow. I want to be the girl who is comfortable enough to be sexual with a man without strings attached, but something is holding me back, and I want to change that. Not even sure what my question is.
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 26, 2015 Author Posted February 26, 2015 ***************************** 25
smackie9 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 You do whatever you want....no one has to know specific details about your past....it's none of their business. 1
Buddhist Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Sure you can do that if you want to. Will men judge you negatively for it? Absolutely. Will women judge you negatively for it? Most likely. At the end of the day your sex life is your business and no-one else's. You don't owe anyone any explanations or need to appease anyone else's desires. But at the same time don't fool yourself that you can have no strings attached sex with someone and have them hold you in a positive light afterwards. It sucks, it's unfair and judgmental, but it's just what is. 6
Gary S Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 (edited) The problem is, sex without love can leave you feeling empty inside. Also, when you do find the right man, you will be having sex for a long time, probably years. ........wait for it......... ............so what's the rush, hot-lips?! Plus, those half-baked relationships put you more at risk for things like STD's, unplanned pregnancy, broken homes, and broken hearts. Great relationships take discipline and time to forge, but the payoff is worth it all in the end. Remember what it's all about.... there is nothing like going through life in love! Edited February 26, 2015 by Gary S 7
Auspecial Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 That "something holding you back" is your heart, mind and soul telling you that its the wrong choice for you! In this world, morality is becoming more and more loosely regarded. But for many of us, we will remain as we are and stand against the tide. Remember, you feel this way so it only makes sense that many others do as well. 4
travelbug1996 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Just be ready to deal with whatever comes with the decision and you'll be fine.
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Why do you want to change that? Being able to disconnect your emotions from the physical act is not necessarily a good thing. It's also much easier to have good sex inside a committed relationship where you have the trust needed to experiment. 1
Els Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I want to be the girl who is comfortable enough to be sexual with a man without strings attached, but something is holding me back, and I want to change that. Why, exactly? There are some people for whom casual sex is right - but those people tend to not tell themselves, "Okay, I SHOULD try and make myself like casual sex." They already liked it to start with! If you don't naturally gravitate towards it, why would you want to make yourself do that? Personally I view 'letting loose sexually' as being able to engage in my deepest, kinkiest fantasies with someone whom I'm in a relationship with, not having casual sex with random strangers. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 When you have to force yourself to like something it rarely turns out well. In this case, when I have seen people who prefer commitment try FWB NSA sex they simply end up an emotional wreck. Why do that to yourself?
BluEyeL Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 The problem is, sex without love can leave you feeling empty inside. Also, when you do find the right man, you will be having sex for a long time, probably years. ........wait for it......... ............so what's the rush, hot-lips?! Plus, those half-baked relationships put you more at risk for things like STD's, unplanned pregnancy, broken homes, and broken hearts. Great relationships take discipline and time to forge, but the payoff is worth it all in the end. Remember what it's all about.... there is nothing like going through life in love! Love this post. So true!
ThaWholigan Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 My guess is OP is not necessarily finding a man she wants to let loose with in a relationship either, but that's just speculation on my part. Either way, if you're having a hard time reconciling having casual sex and feeling as though you will be tainted somehow, that suggests that this probably wouldn't be good for you anyway. You can try it, but its up to you how you deal with a potential fall-out. I don't think casual sex denotes lack of morals personally - but its certainly not for everyone. 1
Me_plus_who Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 As a man I would never judge any person who wants to express themselves the way they feel. weather it is sexually or otherwise. So long as you're not hurting others get on and live your life to the fullest 1
Me_plus_who Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Sure you can do that if you want to. Will men judge you negatively for it? Absolutely. Will women judge you negatively for it? Most likely. At the end of the day your sex life is your business and no-one else's. You don't owe anyone any explanations or need to appease anyone else's desires. But at the same time don't fool yourself that you can have no strings attached sex with someone and have them hold you in a positive light afterwards. It sucks, it's unfair and judgmental, but it's just what is. If you are speaking for all men then you are way off the mark.
endlessabyss Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 So, you want to ride the carousel? Lol
Me_plus_who Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I want to be the girl who is comfortable enough to be sexual with a man without strings attached, but something is holding me back, and I want to change that. This is a sign of being powerfully connected with your true self. Society slams this way of thinking and this is why lots reject this idea. If you live through your heart, have the strength to set aside other opinions, and go about this intelligently your vitality will blossom and you will be significantly happier. Take the journey 3
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Posted February 28, 2015 (edited) ............so what's the rush, hot-lips? Theres no rush, but I haven't had sex in a long time, and I love sex and I love men. In a healthy way too, I have never used or abused a man (at least not consciously.) I dont want to wait until im much older to start truly enjoying myself sexually just because thats when "the right guy" comes along. I want to enjoy myself now too, but I just cant cross that line, and I want to. Im sick of holding back, of "saving" myself. In this case, when I have seen people who prefer commitment try FWB NSA sex they simply end up an emotional wreck. Why do that to yourself? Youre saying this with the assumption that everyone who prefers commitment gets emotionally hurt when they have no strings sex. Thats a sweeping generalization. This is a sign of being powerfully connected with your true self. Society slams this way of thinking and this is why lots reject this idea. If you live through your heart, have the strength to set aside other opinions, and go about this intelligently your vitality will blossom and you will be significantly happier. Take the journey Best answer so far. I hope its true in my case. Thank you! Edited February 28, 2015 by Hopeful30
central Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 There is a time to explore and experiment, and that's usually before you enter a long-term commitment. What if you don't know what you want, and choose someone who ends up being uninterested or incapable of providing what you want, or wants things you don't? If you know yourself and what you want, you can then seek what you want and need in a future relationship. Too many relationships fail because of mismatched needs and libidos. Be selective, of course, but do what you feel is the right thing for you, even if you decide you need to extend your comfort zone to achieve it. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Posted February 28, 2015 There is a time to explore and experiment, and that's usually before you enter a long-term commitment. What if you don't know what you want, and choose someone who ends up being uninterested or incapable of providing what you want, or wants things you don't? If you know yourself and what you want, you can then seek what you want and need in a future relationship. Too many relationships fail because of mismatched needs and libidos. Be selective, of course, but do what you feel is the right thing for you, even if you decide you need to extend your comfort zone to achieve it. I very much like your perspective, and theres a lot of truth behind it. How can I possibly seek out what I need if I haven't even explored myself enough to knoe what I truly want/dont want? Only when we truly know ourselves do we make better, smarter choices.
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Posted February 28, 2015 (edited) LOL. Hookers say that the way they get through their 'work' is to "disconnect yourself from your body". How is having sex with strangers making yourself more powerful with your true self. What you said is just typical "you are making yourself a sexual object if you don't have sex with lots of random men" feminist BS. I think you misunderstood what he was trying to say. A hooker uses her body to make money, thus needing to disconnect so as not to let it get to her, so to speak. People who choose to have casual sex do so because they WANT to, not because its a means of surviving or making money. Anyone who CHOOSES to do something, despite societal disapproval, is more powerful than someone who needs to disconnect to get it done. Being sexual and being a hooker are two completely different things, I'm shocked you put the teo in the same category. Edited February 28, 2015 by Hopeful30 2
central Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 Many of the judgmental men who have played the field but insist on marrying the "unsullied" "good" girl, often end up unhappy or cheating on them because the "good" girls were never very sexual and can't or won't meet the needs of their hypocritical husbands. 1
Me_plus_who Posted March 1, 2015 Posted March 1, 2015 Every guy has the right to ask about their gfs/wifes past, just the same for women as well. In the UK there is a law that was passed that allows women to check the criminal backgrounds of their finances/husbands as they believe they wouldn't have married them if they knew their husband was a criminal. I think that a man has the right to know his partners sexual past in the same way. Of course it's all just judging, and unlikely to change any decision (most women would still marry the criminal, most men would still marry the slut). A womans sexual past is just something that is HARD WIRED into every mans head into caring about. We all know the reasons why yet there are so many that try to suppress it. you can change the rules, laws, etc but you can't change hard-wired nature. Feminists trying to get men to forget women sexual history is like trying to get hot guys to date ugly girls. He's right about men in general. LOL. Hookers say that the way they get through their 'work' is to "disconnect yourself from your body". How is having sex with strangers making yourself more powerful with your true self. What you said is just typical "you are making yourself a sexual object if you don't have sex with lots of random men" feminist BS. OP of course you can do whatever you want and nobody can stop you, that part is true. wb1988 It sounds like you have strong opinions and firm answers about how everything should be. I admire your self assurance but respectfully challenge you to seek to learn from the worlds diversity, for painting with a broad brush will certainly eliminate possibilities and perhaps further learning. To answer your question, the power comes from knowing thyself. Knowing so deeply that despite the superficial appearance of taboo, despite the alter ego objecting, despite the fear of being seen as a slut/player, one answers to ones true feeling. The power lies in being able to differentiate between ones core essence and all the other garbage. Now I ask you wb1988, do you know yourself that well?
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