Vuvu Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 So I got dumped. She moved onto to someone else (7 months ago). I wrote some embarrassing emails (5 months ago). I cut off all contact (4 months ago). She still messages me once a month or so wanting to be friends. I don't reply. I still feel like **** but I don't hate her. I feel ashamed about my reaction to the bad break up. Should I feel ashamed? I feel like everyone in my social circle knows that I've been in bits. I feel panicky and anxious when I bump into mutual friends of ours. Or is this all just in my head? I want to bury my head in the sand and never go out in public again.
marcelo.santos Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 next time she contacts you just reply something like (with an appropriate english, please): "hi, I will not reply you anymore - I dont want to be friends with you as I'm not friend of any of my exs - This do not means that I hate you! Best Wishes!"
jus d'orange Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Everyone goes through rough patches and does things that they're not wholly proud of. I know I have; and yet life goes on! If somebody is judgemental for something that happened privately between you and an ex still, that's their problem. Chances are, much of this is in your head. More importantly though is that you forgive yourself and go out in public with your head high. Focus on your positive aspects, and even make an extra effort to be kind and so forth when you're out and about. In a short time, you'll feel confident about yourself and who you are for the right reasons. 1
Satu Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 If you are receiving messages, you've not cut contact. No contact means: No direct contact in either direction, either sending or receiving. No indirect contact via third parties. No social media watching. No 'little birds' feeding you news. Delete, block, ignore. If it's not 100% it isn't NC. 3
marcelo.santos Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 No 'little birds' feeding you news. Nice tips, but what do you means exactly with little birds? Friends of ex? Should I cut then from seeing my feeds too? I have blocked my Ex, but her mother, sister and best friend is still on my face - should I cut them from seeing my fb feed and photos too?
Satu Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Nice tips, but what do you means exactly with little birds? Friends of ex? Should I cut then from seeing my feeds too? I have blocked my Ex, but her mother, sister and best friend is still on my face - should I cut them from seeing my fb feed and photos too? The pivot point is 'feeding you news.' If that isn't happening, there's no problem. If it is, you're not practicing NC. The options then would be block, or ignore/don't read. 1
Author Vuvu Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 I am still friends with one of my ex's. We went out for six years and I was heartbroken but there was always mutual respect and we are still friends. I am doing no contact as best I know how. I don't like putting bad energy or hate back out there. It's not who I am and it would only hurt me more if I send out that message.
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Just keep ignoring, you're doing well!
Stilnaught Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 In my opinion you're doing great, apart from the fact that you let her haunt you with those messages. You can't blame yourself for being shattered and reaching out, nor for going NC after that to try to heal yourself. But it doesn't work if you let her messages reinsert her in your mind, so you've got to cut down those opportunities. 1
Satu Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I am still friends with one of my ex's. We went out for six years and I was heartbroken but there was always mutual respect and we are still friends. I am doing no contact as best I know how. I don't like putting bad energy or hate back out there. It's not who I am and it would only hurt me more if I send out that message. There's no law or rule that says that you MUST do NC. It's an option that might be helpful for some people in certain circumstances. We each walk our own path. Your own feelings are your best guide. 1
dyna85 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 You're only human. You're not a robot. You have emotions and those sometimes need expressing.. esp when going through a breakup. It's not always good to keep everything in check. Then you risk having regrets later down the road. It's always a catch-22. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. We never act perfectly, and oftentimes for the sake of love, we do sacrifice some of our pride and do things that we later are pissed at ourselves for having done. Oh well.. hindsight is always 20/20. Such is life. Don't beat yourself up for having written the emails. You acted out of your feelings, during an emotional time. That's to be expected. Only a person who doesn't get love wouldn't understand. Also, even the so-called embarrassing email didn't stop the recipient from still wanting to stay in touch. So what does that tell you? Not that she matters. I'm just saying. If the emails were THAT bad... wouldn't the likely response be that she didn't ever contact you again? 1
LYNNLH Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 So I got dumped. She moved onto to someone else (7 months ago). I wrote some embarrassing emails (5 months ago). I cut off all contact (4 months ago). She still messages me once a month or so wanting to be friends. I don't reply. I still feel like **** but I don't hate her. I feel ashamed about my reaction to the bad break up. Should I feel ashamed? I feel like everyone in my social circle knows that I've been in bits. I feel panicky and anxious when I bump into mutual friends of ours. Or is this all just in my head? I want to bury my head in the sand and never go out in public again. I feel you OP..I am going through a blindsided breakup right now (you can read my thread)..and I have broken NC more than once. Thing is..my situation is still fresh so you can imagine the feelings.. Like you, I am also beating myself up on and off for breaking the last NC only to have him tell me he's moving on and dating people..and worst of all..trying to make himself feel better. While I'm being depressed and pathetic. After the last failed NC, I asked him not to contact me anymore. What I'm currently doing right now to make myself feel tad better is that..I keep telling myself everyday..what is the positive thing from this?.. I tell myself.. I'm in NC..This person will no longer contacting me and I'm proud that I am keeping NC. Keep telling yourself that. I also feel the same as you do when I think about friends knowing I'm out and down right now. yes..sometimes I do feel a tad embarrassed..it's more of our EGO..but we tell ourselves..who cares? We did nothing wrong..nothing to be ashamed of. We keep reminding ourselves that.. 1
Author Vuvu Posted February 26, 2015 Author Posted February 26, 2015 Thanks everyone. I feel pain when I think of her in love with someone else. I feel quite alone and socially awkward. I also feel sad that I can't see her children because I'm too messed up. I was part of a family for two years. I now their gone. But also this person consistently disrespected me, put me down, resented me, and crossed many boundaries of what I would called adult reasonable behaviour. No body else sees this side of her. I can only assume that she will continue to be like this. I was totally head over heels and got messed around. I sometimes feel my personal power coming back. My ego has taken a serious battering. I can only look forward to a happier more fulfilling life.
Chi townD Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Thanks everyone. I feel pain when I think of her in love with someone else. I feel quite alone and socially awkward. I also feel sad that I can't see her children because I'm too messed up. I was part of a family for two years. I now their gone. But also this person consistently disrespected me, put me down, resented me, and crossed many boundaries of what I would called adult reasonable behaviour. No body else sees this side of her. I can only assume that she will continue to be like this. I was totally head over heels and got messed around. I sometimes feel my personal power coming back. My ego has taken a serious battering. I can only look forward to a happier more fulfilling life. A more fulfilling life isn't going to come to you, you need to go get it! Make positive changes in your life! Join clubs! Go explore! Go traveling! We are in charge of our own happiness.
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