heather03 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 My ex and I broke up because he decided to study abroad again, and more specifically didn't tell me about it or ask how we can make it work..none of that. We've talked here and there and got together for lunch last week, during which he said I can meet other guys and then after said he still loved me (?). Anyways I sent him this long text after explaining why I had cut contact with him previously mainly just to get everything off my chest, stating how hurt I was that he didn't consult me about him going away for 6 months and didn't try to fight for me, etc. He responded that he agreed with some and disagreed with some, but overall he thought we made the right decision. I said we definitely did and ended the convo. I was really starting to move on and focus on myself after he finally left to study abroad when he texted me out of the blue today to check up on me and see how I was doing with everything...and of course I responded back. I made it very casual and what not, but I cant help but feel like I made a mistake by texting him back because I feel like its almost saying that its ok with what he did. Should I ignore him the next time he texts me even if I feel like its rude? Or am I overthinking it?
lumberjac Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 You cannot undo what you did, in your case you already replied to him, so no point in having a battle inside your head. Save the energy and do something else to take your mind off. Reading your post it seems to me that he's just not into you that much, if he care he would have sat down with you and discuss the relationship between you two, what would happen if he were to go abroad to study, or at least letting you know he's interested in going as soon as he found out. Now that he's away I suggest you to stay NC and work on yourself. As time goes you will have a new perspective at seeing things. And when he's back and want to get back with you, it is then up to YOU if you want to get together again.
Trapito Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 The etiquette of texting an ex = Not responding to meaningless chitchat. He wanted a break up, you respected that. You told him contact with him hurt you and that you didn't want any. He didn't respect that. Apparently your wishes are NOT important to HIM. Cut him off. No need to explain, no need to respond. Simply ignore. Just because you once were together, doesn't mean he can chat you up at your expense. You are hurting. Ignore, ignore, ignore. He is being selfish and wants to 'chat' his guilt away. "See, she responds. So everything is alright and we are jolly good friends." NO, YOU ARE NOT! 4
marcelo.santos Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 yep.. ignore him You can reply some message like: "This user blocked you" ou "this message can not be delivered - unknown user".. . every time he sends you a message.
quattrob Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 TC, whatever is done is done, I would just not respond to him if he messages you again. At least not until you've moved on. Right now you aren't ready, otherwise you wouldn't be so startled by his texted asking how you were. Until you can be indifferent about him, just ignore his texts/messages. I know it's hard sometimes to not respond but it's not about being rude, you let him know in advance already and if he chooses to challenge your wishes then you don't need to be "nice".
Author heather03 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 I was the one who broke it off because this would be the second time we would be in a long distance relationship over our almost two year relationship. He said he didn't bring it up because he was scared that I would break up with him if he did, so any time I would ask him about it he would say that he wasn't sure yet or was waiting to make the decision until he got accepted...which was also a lie, he knew he wanted to go the whole time and didn't tell me. Maybe its petty but I'm just still upset that he lied to me and wanted to study abroad immediately after he got back from his first study abroad trip with little regard to my feelings about it.
Trapito Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 yep.. ignore him You can reply some message like: "This user blocked you" ou "this message can not be delivered - unknown user".. . every time he sends you a message. Sounds good but.. You have to do that the minute you receive a text, otherwise he would know you are the one sending the messages and he will think you are playing games. What if you are taking a shower? You hear a beep, sprint out of the shower soaking wet and with soap in your eyes to text him 'this user blocked you'. Not even to mention the stress it will bring you by constantly looking at your phone. You can do better than this by really blocking him. No stress, no sprinting out of the shower and falling because you slipped on the wet floor. Just block him.
quattrob Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I was the one who broke it off because this would be the second time we would be in a long distance relationship over our almost two year relationship. He said he didn't bring it up because he was scared that I would break up with him if he did, so any time I would ask him about it he would say that he wasn't sure yet or was waiting to make the decision until he got accepted...which was also a lie, he knew he wanted to go the whole time and didn't tell me. Maybe its petty but I'm just still upset that he lied to me and wanted to study abroad immediately after he got back from his first study abroad trip with little regard to my feelings about it. Well whatever his reason is doesn't matter, what matters is it didn't sit well with you. Like you said he wasn't honest about it, he was only making excuses to protect himself and make himself look innocent. This man isn't a man, he is a scared boy. Do you honestly want to be with a man that is this way? I don't believe you do, so you did what you needed to do. Please try not to be so upset and resentful about this. This only hurts you and no one else. 1
Author heather03 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Well whatever his reason is doesn't matter, what matters is it didn't sit well with you. Like you said he wasn't honest about it, he was only making excuses to protect himself and make himself look innocent. This man isn't a man, he is a scared boy. Do you honestly want to be with a man that is this way? I don't believe you do, so you did what you needed to do. Please try not to be so upset and resentful about this. This only hurts you and no one else. You're absolutely right!! I think I'm only upset because he was my first real relationship, but I couldn't of said it any better myself. He's a boy, not a man, and I know that I deserve much better than that. After all this I wouldn't even want to reconsider being with him again, so I'm moving on. Thank you
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